Fated Existance
by LadyKiseki
Summary: There are those who selflessly give their own existence to pacify those who could not accept their own.
1. Six months

Summary: Fate weaves the web of our existence as decreed by the thread of Destiny. The beauty of free will is that we can sometimes choose how Fate weaves our webs. There are those who cannot accept their Destiny, and so seek to alter it without care for the risk involved. And then there are those who selflessly give their own existence to pacify those who could not accept their own.

**Fated Existence**

_**Chapter 1 – Six Months**_

Six months.

It took her six months to come back to them.

A lot can happen in six months….

He wasn't quite sure what was going on as he raced for the well. He'd bet Tessaiga that he smelled her return, but the sight that greeting him conflicted with every other sense. He'd come to a halt a dozen feet away, too shocked to do anything but stare. This wasn't the miko he remembered. Hell, even her aura felt different; it was still hers, but stronger somehow. And as he took in all of her, he realized that he'd been the one to make her into this.

She wore a simple set of black hakama she called 'jeans' that molded to her like the taijiya's exterminator outfit with black boots. Her shirt of crimson hugged the curves she'd hidden for the past 3 years. At the hips it loosened, the ends on the sides extending longer than the front and back. The sleeves conformed to her arms, billowing out at the elbows like his haori sleeves, but they appeared to be deliberately cut at the top to expose the shoulder. Perhaps to allow more range of movement, he thought. All in all, it looked like a feminine version of his haori. She still wore no jewelry, but the way the top dipped showed most of her upper chest and left him idly wondering where the shard vial was. Her hair had grown as well. She had it pulled back into a braid, exposing her neck and part of her upper back.

He could handle all that, including the change in her powers. It was the sight of the katana at her hip that caught him off-guard. The only weapons she'd ever touched were the bow and arrows from the village and even then rarely. The scabbard was decorated in a vibrant blue that reminded him of her aura with her name written in red upon it. Her abominable yellow pack was no longer present; instead she had a red and black pack with her that she'd set down to embrace her friends.

Friends. Could he even consider himself a friend anymore after what he'd done? The others had avoided him for awhile afterwards, dealing with their own anger and hurt. Things weren't back to the way they had once been, but at least he'd been welcomed back into Kaede's hut and accepted at the fire pit. Sango had given him several lectures; and a rather oddly insightful one from Miroku still had him shivering from the truth in it. But it had been Shippou who won over the adults and made amends with him first.

flashback

Shippou stared quietly up the Goshinboku in hopes that Inuyasha would acknowledge his presence this time. This was the tenth day in a row that he'd been doing this. He'd called to the hanyou the first day. He stopped calling on the third day when he realized he wouldn't get an answer until the stubborn dog was ready to talk. But today, without warning, the hanyou slipped from his branch and landed behind the kitsune, arms crossed. He looked upset, but not angry with the child. Shippou knew by now that this was his way of saying 'what do you want?' One learns the quirks of parents when one's been traveling with them for three years. Adopted parents, sure, but parents all the same.

"It's been almost a month. Are you going to get her?"

Inuyasha arched a brow as if to say, 'What for?'

Shippou shrugged in response. "You always get her; even if you argue. She's been gone a long time. We miss her." _And we miss you_, he silently added.

"She sealed the well."

"What?" Shippou squeaked. He hadn't known that. But wouldn't have Miroku been able to tell she'd done that? The question must have been in his eyes because he got a reply to it.

"I can't leave the well house." He couldn't even open the damn door to at least see if she was alright. Without a sound he dropped to a seated position, arms and legs crossed.

"Oh…" Shippou wasn't quite sure how to answer that. She must have been really mad to seal her side of the well. Perhaps a change of subject was in order. He dug into his shirt and nervously pulled out his present. He'd wondered if he was doing a good thing, especially when the others warned him not to do it. His offering was a constant source of bickering between his parents, yet he'd seen Inuyasha finger it like a prized possession. A few months ago, Shippou overheard her trying to take it off him. He'd also heard the refusal and somewhat pathetic excuses as to why.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed as he eyed the kit's 'present'. It wasn't expected. After what she'd done, he'd doubted it could have been mended. With a soft sigh he unfolded his arms and dipped his head in offering, his eyes momentarily showing the kit his gratitude at the gesture. With a smile, Shippou carefully placed the rosary around his neck, softly telling him that Kaede wouldn't touch it without permission. In a final humbling act that would have made her so happy had she been there to witness it, he opened his arms slightly to the boy. Somehow Shippou knew just how much it cost the hanyou to lower the mask, even briefly. Shippou curled up in Inuyasha's lap, finally able to find sleep easier to achieve now that he had at least one parent back.

end flashback

Inuyasha blinked away the memory as she set Shippou down and embraced the taijiya warmly. He knew they were aware of his presence, but he suddenly felt like an outsider, watching something he wasn't part of anymore. He forced himself to walk the distance between them, his ears pinned as he waited behind the monk. He figured any 'punishment' she dealt him would be no less than he felt he deserved.

**A/N:**

_This is my first IY fic. Please R&R kindly. _

_Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko Takahashi. _

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	2. Unforgiven

**Fated Existence**

**_Chapter 2 - Unforgiven_**

She knew he was there the moment she pulled herself out of the well. She was so attuned to him, even after six months. The training hadn't helped lessen that awareness, either. She was certain he was as shocked as the rest of them; no one asked anything except to make sure she was alright and welcome her back. Even Miroku was uncharacteristically well behaved in keeping his hands to himself. However, he did grope Sango, earning himself the usual handprint upon his cheek. She smiled and shook her head, mumbling something like 'He'll never learn'. She slipped her bag off her shoulder, simultaneously setting down the bundle of kitsune joy that had launched itself at her. She figured the kit must have caught her scent and raised the cry that brought them all to the well. His slip of 'okaa-san' hadn't gone unnoticed, but she'd simply smiled at him when he tried to apologize.

"You can call me Okaa-san, Shippou," she said quietly as she dug a box of pocky out of her pack for him. "I've treated you no less than my son these years."

One happily placated kitsune youkai, a tearful taijiya, and a lecherous monk later found her face to face with the reason she'd left for so long. He couldn't look her in the face, but he couldn't look away from her either. She wanted to forgive him like all the other times, but she knew she couldn't this time. Not so easily, anyway. She'd finally realized it was time to grow up and stop being a hindrance for the group in general and him in specific. She was eighteen, and still couldn't defend herself from the smallest youkai. In short, she was the exact image of the pathetic shard detecting human that he'd always claimed her to be.

It took six months to put a decent dent in rectifying that problem; hence her new attire and weapon. She was evolving. She had never wiped the slate clean; she'd simply built upon the abilities she'd already possessed. And now she had a new confidence in herself that she knew the others could sense. She wondered if he could tell. Her aura was straining to reach out to him, to comfort him and make whatever it was go away. She allowed it a brief 'taste' and instantly pulled back at the wave of grief rolling off of him. Had her absence been the cause of such anguish?

At her 'touch', he jerked slightly and finally brought his eyes up to hers. There was a question in them, silently asking her to confirm his suspicion, if it had been her he'd 'felt'. She nodded so slightly that only he would have seen it. The faint darkness under his eyes made him appear as though he'd spent the last six months either awake or fighting. Or both. As always, his clothing looked new. No injury would have lasted long upon him. Only he could tell her and she knew he was too stubborn to admit to a 'human' weakness. Tessaiga, as usual, was also with him, as a constant reminder of the youkai beneath the surface that waited for an opportunity. The rosary was still missing though. Not that she would have used it anymore, but it certainly answered her questions.

But the fact that he was here confused her. Surely with his new freedom he'd have run and never looked back. Yet his arrival now meant he'd either been waiting for her return or perhaps was just passing through. But if the latter were true, then why even bother making his presence known?

She'd been so upset at him when she'd left. More depressed and resigned than angry. The anger had been reserved for herself when she'd taken the time to force herself to see the truth. She'd certainly been angry when they'd argued, but she had to admit that she'd brought it upon herself half the time.

If she hadn't promised to see it to the end, she'd have tossed him the shards and bid him farewell. So, in order to fully honor that promise, she'd spent the last six months, away from the Sengoku Jidai, finishing her schooling and developing her talents as best she could within such a short time limit. Now the only time she would request to return home would be to let her family know she was alive and update them on their progress. She figured it would take about another year at most.

Crimson movement brought her out of her reveries as he took a small step forward, one arm making motion to rise, but faltering before even beginning. Hesitation was written so clearly on him and she felt her heart spasm in response. She squashed the feeling and watched him in silence. Arching a brow as if to say 'What are you doing?' she nearly cried out as he turned away, shoulders slumped as if defeated.

Behind her, Sango gasped. "But you always…"

She shook her head, steeling herself for the path ahead. "It's not that easy this time, Sango."

Sango and Miroku shared a look between them as their friend gathered up her pack and 'son'. She was always the first to forgive before the rest of them. Where there was once laughter and light, now her eyes were hollow and empty. This went deeper than any of them thought it could go.

(flashback)

"At least Kikyo was capable of defending herself and using her miko powers. Keh, pathetic human; make me sick. Why can't you be more like her?"

The accompanying silence to his outburst was almost eerie.

The group cast worried glances to the young woman who'd been the target of his verbal assault. Everyone waited for the usual outcome as he finally seemed to register his own words; his face falling into a mixture of shock and shame. She stood quietly for a long moment, her inner turmoil reflected upon her face. Finally, she seemed to cave in on herself as her shoulders slumped in a gesture of defeat; suppressed tears making her voice thick.

"Sharing a soul doesn't entitle one to share everything."

She turned on her heel and returned to the village. She never shed those tears, nor did she confide in Sango about how deeply those words had affected her. That evening as she helped Kaede with the sick and injured then cooked dinner; she avoided all conversation as much as possible.

Shippou wisely refrained from asking for candy or a bedtime story, sensing the tension among the adults. He'd glared at the offender whenever he was around, as did the others. Miroku had simply turned his back on the hanyou and even refrained from his usual teasing. Sango had taken it one step further. She'd punched him, and then ignored him.

When Kagome finally turned in for the night, she lay awake long after the others had fallen asleep. She kept replaying his words over and over. It hadn't been much different than their other arguments, except this time she'd given up. It had been three years since she'd freed him and begun their journey. Three years to watch, to learn, to grow. Three years of arguments, insults and tears. Three years of frustration and longing. She sighed softly. Today she'd finally given in to the fact that he would never change. It was time to let go and move on. Burrowing deeper into the sleeping bag, she finally succumbed to sleep.

The next morning they waited for him at the well. She watched him approach with an emptiness in her eyes and pain in her heart. He stopped a few feet away, his head hung low and eyes focused on the ground. When her shoes came into view, he finally met her gaze with surprise in his own.

"Ka…" he tried to start.

She cut him off with a shake of her head, pressing fingertips to his lips. He stared at her in shock; probably expecting her to hit him, scream at him, 'osuwari' him into the next life. Anything but this silence. She looked sad then as she stepped back, slowly shaking her head. Not wanting to see his reaction when he finally noticed what she'd done, she turned away quickly, jumping into the well without a second glance.

**A/N:**

_Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko T. _

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	3. Perfect

**Fated Existence**

**_Chapter 3 - Perfect_**

_I try not to think about the pain I feel inside_

_And did you know you used to be my hero_

The memory was a bitter one; one she'd relived in her nightmares for weeks. She'd sunk into such a deep melancholy that her mother had threatened to put her on anti-depressants. Little by little she'd been able to finally relate the story to her mother. In return her mother had helped her begin to heal her wounded heart. She never suggested that Kagome wasn't good enough or that she was lacking in anything; instead she'd discretely left a dojo flyer on the dresser where she'd hidden the shards. In her own way, she was telling Kagome that there were options open that could benefit her in more than just the obvious.

And it had; the dojo was more than just a place to learn self-defense. There she had encountered another miko, already fully trained, who offered to help her learn the extent of her own abilities. With Hitomi's guidance, she put another piece of her heart back in place. It had helped to have the older miko as a sparring partner as well. Hitomi had shown her how she could use her powers while in combat in both offensive and defensive techniques. More than half she knew she'd never even attempt without at least another two years of training, but it helped to at least see the possibilities. It prepared her for possible attacks in that form and also gave her incentive to create her own techniques; each miko was different.

_And now I try hard to make it_

_I just want to make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_Can't stand another fight_

_And nothing's alright_

She followed her friends down into the village, lost in her own thoughts. She may have grown stronger in mind and body, but her heart was still playing catch up. The ache had lessened while she was away, but returned with a vengeance when she saw him again. Hitomi had once asked her why she grieved for the loss of a love that did not, to her knowledge, love her in return. She had been unable to answer the question. He may not love her, but he cared enough about her to keep her alive and safe. Even if he did love her, she knew she would never hear the words; his life was forfeit to her incarnation. So perhaps she grieved for his inability to show his feelings and wasn't it better to love in silence than to love aloud and deepen the pain when he did leave? She paused and looked to the trees; half wishing he would show himself. She could no more deny her love for him than the trees could reach the stars. It was the acceptance of that fact that allowed her to move forward with her choices.

She had another task to complete now. One she couldn't tell anyone about, especially Inuyasha. The decision wasn't his to make and she couldn't allow him to interfere. If he did, she might lose her courage and give in to her own selfish wish. She just needed to keep telling herself that this was for him; it was what he wanted, right? He'd nearly said it aloud a few times and why else, other than to goad her into anger, would he do it? She brushed her hand against the pocket that held the shards and continued into the village. _You get two wishes fulfilled, Inuyasha._

_Cuz we lost it all_

_Nothing last forever_

_I'm sorry I can't be perfect_

_Now it's just too late_

_And we can't go back_

_I'm sorry I can't be perfect._

He sat quietly on Kaede's roof, listening to the conversation within. He wasn't sure if she knew he was there, but he knew the kit was aware. He'd tried to talk to her, but the moment he'd attempted to reach for her, something stopped him. It had been her eyes; the warmth in them had been extinguished as though someone had killed the light in them; an eerie reminder of Kikyo. He hadn't thought of the undead miko for a long time; six months in fact. His thoughts had been filled with _her,_ Kagome. But when confronted with the flesh, he'd balked at the change, unwilling and unable to accept it. So now he eavesdropped in hopes of learning what had happened.

Kagome looked up to the ceiling yet again as she nibbled lightly on her supper. Some habits never died. She mumbled a reply to Shippou about his latest drawing before allowing her attention to be captured by Kaede.

"This is a most drastic change in ye, Kagome-sama. Your aura is much stronger and you carry another weapon."

If Kaede had been expecting an answer to the unvoiced question, Kagome wasn't going to oblige her; it wouldn't be that easy to get answers. Instead she simply nodded and rose to her feet. Grabbing her pack, she pointed to the roof.

"He'll want to start looking for shards in the morning. Rest while you can."

The group stared after her as she disappeared into the adjoining room.

Shippou, while glad to have his Okaa back, needed to have a talk with his Otou before bed. Slipping out of the hut while the others whispered about Kagome's new attitude, he lightly sniffed and smiled; still on the roof. A couple of hops got him up there as well and he tottered briefly to Inuyasha. Since that night 4 months ago, they'd built up a cautious friendship; little by little he worked himself into Inuyasha's good graces. Shippou took care to never deliberately pick on the Inu-hanyou unless he felt it was called for. This wasn't often when Kagome wasn't around. While he knew he'd never be treated as one of the hanyou's own pups, he gave Inuyasha the same respect he would have given his own father. While he had figuratively glued himself to Inuyasha's side, he had taken care not to get underfoot and even brought food when the stubborn hanyou refused to bend and eat in the village.

When he'd been caught trying to learn some fighting techniques used by the group members, Inuyasha had silently shown him techniques more suited to someone of his size and age. Shippou knew it had not been done out of love or affection, but more like out of a grudging acceptance and a care to see him survive into adulthood. In return for such help, Shippou had taken it upon himself to reunite the rest of the group. He hadn't been able to solve the problem with Kagome, but he managed to finally get Miroku and Sango to forgive Inuyasha. The kitsune agreed that while the hanyou could be really stupid and say mean things, he was certain Inuyasha hadn't really meant them.

"You feel it too." He stated rather than questioned. If he'd felt it then it was certain the older hanyou had as well. "She wouldn't hurt us would she?"

"You? Never." He snorted in reply. He refused to voice the quiet fear that he wasn't so sure he'd be spared.

The answer didn't calm the kitsune as well as he'd hoped. Instead he too was left to wonder if he would lose another father before the year was out.

"I've got the feeling she knows how to use it."

"Both. And effectively, I think," referring to his earlier conversation about her new miko abilities.

"That's what worries me. Too strong, too quick. What would possess her to develop such skills?"

The only answer was two sets of eyes cast up to the ceiling.

Shippou crawled under the shirt fabric, only to find himself pulled out and settled beneath the blankets. Puzzled, he lay still, waiting to see if he'd be pushed further away. When none came, he slowly cuddled up as close as he could, relieved when he was enfolded in the familiar warmth.

"Okaa-san?" he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"What happened?"

A sigh stirred his hair and he waited for her answer. "I grew up, Shippou."

"You're already grown up."

She chuckled. "In body, yes. But I was still a child in my mind." _And heart_, she added silently. "I finally opened my eyes and I needed time away to adjust." _And, _she thought, _to accept the truth_.

Shippou wasn't quite sure what she meant. "You smell the same, but you feel different. It…it scares me a little. Will you… you…." He couldn't say it.

Her arms tightened around the kit protectively, instinctively knowing what he was asking. He could feel the changes in her powers and it reminded him of her incarnation. He worried that she might have decided to 'cleanse' the youkai.

"Never!" she whispered vehemently. "I'm not like her!"

"I know, Okaa-san." He reached up and gently patted her cheek. "She'd never be a mother to me and you smell nicer."

As if that solved everything, Shippou yawned and allowed sleep to finally claim him. She, however, was a bundle of raw nerves. If only HE could see the differences between them as plainly as Shippou did. She lay quietly on the futon, listening to the others bed down, too wired to sleep just yet. Many nights like this in the past few months she'd lie awake, wondering how much heartache she might have been spared if she'd been honest with herself sooner. However, it had done no good to dwell upon the past because not only could she not have changed it; it had drug up old hurts as well. She'd taken such measures to ensure she would not fall apart anymore; at least not with witnesses. Tomorrow would be a test of her newfound control.

Inuyasha awoke to the almost foreign scent of ramen and the sight of her heading back to the village. He looked down and found the familiar cup sitting at the base of the tree. He alighted on the ground, puzzled as he watched her retreating form. She returned, spurned him and now she brought him ramen? Not one to overlook ramen, he sat down and pondered the situation as he ate. She hadn't even bothered to argue with him about eating, or wake him even. Actually, her being awake before him was… unnerving. He always had to wake her, wait for her to bathe, and listen to her grumble about it being too early to get up.

He rose to his feet once he finished, knowing any answers lay elsewhere, and he headed for the village; perhaps she might talk to him now. Before he was halfway there, Sango and Miroku were racing towards him. Six months ago the two wanted nothing to do with the hanyou. Thanks mostly to Shippou and a rare apology from said hanyou, they'd begun to heal their friendship. He briefly thought that Kagome was hurt or in danger; but Miroku wouldn't be looking like he'd won a trip to an all female village without Sango.

"I don't know about this, Miroku," Sango muttered as they got within arms length of the hanyou. Inuyasha could tell she was uneasy with whatever they were coming to tell him.

"If you ever doubted how she really felt…" He addressed the hanyou with a chuckle. "You've got to come watch this!"

Shaking himself out of the brief moment of confusion, Inuyasha took a sniff and snarled instantly. _Damn stinking wolf!_

**A/N:**

_The lyrics are from Simple Plan's "Perfect" and inspired the opening piece of this chapter. And yes, the lyrics are not in order on purpose. has once again screwed with even my most basic formatting. Let me know it this chapter was hard to read._

_Major Props go out to my beta, **Midoriko-sama**, for putting up with all my questions and revisions. Please – Thanks! I try to update once a week right now due to a hectic work schedule. Inuyasha is property of Rumiko Takahashi._

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	4. In Another's Eyes

**Fated Existence**

**_Chapter 4 – In another's eyes_**

Miroku watched as Kagome headed out of the hut to confront the wolf demon and suddenly grinned. Any interaction between those two was worth watching since it usually involved Inuyasha as well. The last time the wolf had bothered to show up was about a week after Kagome had left. The argument between the rivals had nearly escalated into a fight until Inuyasha, of all people, had diffused the situation. In an odd, uncharacteristic action, the hanyou had simply stated that Kagome would be sad if he killed the wolf and then just walked off. As though an unspoken truce had been declared, the wolf too had left without a fight. Miroku had reasoned that while the two may fight over Kagome, neither wanted to make her upset by killing the other.

But this time it was Kagome who would confront the wolf deliberately. Upon seeing her expression, however, Miroku almost laughed, realizing that what he had often pondered upon just might happen. He had often wondered why the young miko allowed the wolf to call her 'his', and moreover, how she never got tired of it, when there was one, undeniable truth; Kagome was not Kouga's. If Miroku had learned anything in their travels together, it was that Kagome was, first and foremost, Inuyasha's. The claim was never uttered aloud, nor declared by youkai traditions, - if they had traditions - , but anyone who saw them could tell. It was evident in the way Kagome worried the most over the hanyou's injuries despite knowing he'd be fully healed within days or less, the way she fussed and treated him with a tenderness that the hanyou's rough skin would barely feel the difference of, the way she made sure to find out the things he liked best, in order to give them, and the things he hated, in order to take them away. And while Inuyasha's mouth got him into more trouble than anything, the way he was protective of her whenever another male was around was evidence enough. The hanyou had proven, perhaps not the depth of his feelings, but at least that he did care for the miko, when he finally made amends with everyone.

_4 Months Ago _

"Are you still mad at him, Miroku?"

The question distracted the houshi from his meditative state and he gazed down at the kitsune from his seat on the rock. He had come to the stream to reflect on the day Kagome had left and ask himself how, not what he might have been able to do to prevent it. Jest and a wondering hands aside, all the group knew that Miroku, when looked at properly, was just as learned and insightful as any monk they might have met on the road, if not more so.

"No," he shook his head slightly as he spoke. "It upsets me that he would think so little of Kagome-sama, but I am not mad at him anymore."

"Then why do you still ignore him? Don't you forgive him?"

The questions, like the child, were innocent ones; questions that probably had simple answers from a child's view. The extra foot the kit had acquired in the last three years did nothing to make the houshi think he might have also grown mentally as well. The Shippo had a good heart and a quick mind when put to the test, but deep down he was still a child in youkai terms. Miroku tried to smile, but thought better of it; any lie he spoke would most likely be sniffed out by Shippou.

"Kagome would have forgiven him by now."

Miroku blinked with wide eyes at Shippou's comment. True, Kagome would forgive Inuyasha any transgression, but this time… this time he'd pushed too far. Although he'd heard of the dangers in Kagome's time and wondered if something might have prevented her from returning, she had never stayed away very long and Inuyasha had always been able to go get her. What if she… suddenly he wanted to kick himself for … He could have kicked himself for not thinking about it sooner. What if she was unable to ever return? There would be no way of letting them know, and Kagome would never have wanted them…. Kagome wouldn't have wanted them to alienate each other like this.

"You're right, Shippou. We need to forgive him; if he'll forgive us."

_Present_

Miroku glanced to the kitsune who now stood at the doorway watching Kagome leave. Thanks to the insight of the child, their group had been put back together. Until now it had only lacked Kagome's presence. Granted, she was back, but he didn't think things would go back to the way they once were. A brief look at Sango caused him to lose his grin. The woman was worried; although about what exactly he wasn't sure. The changes in their friend, while remarkable, were also alarming. It was like she'd suddenly grown up too fast. The smiling and happy demeanor was replaced with a quiet calm that was a bit unnerving to be honest.

When Shippou had squealed that he smelled Kagome, they'd wasted no time in following the kit to the well. They had been fortunate to be there at all, since they had intended to leave for Sango's village that morning. Once a month they'd gone back to pay respects to Sango's family, always returning to Kaede's in the hopes that Kagome would return. Now she was back and the strength in her aura had puzzled him at first. Now that he'd gotten a chance to really study the sudden change in her, he had been wary. While she wasn't anywhere close to someone of Midoriko's stature, compared to when he'd first met her, she had grown strong. Miroku didn't doubt she knew exactly how to use that new strength and would not hesitate to do so if any one of the group was in danger; because one thing had not changed. Kagome was, and always would be, protective of her friends.

While Miroku pondered Kagome's enhanced miko talents, Sango was lost in her own thoughts about her friend. Kagome never carried a weapon other than the bow and even that was rare. Now she carried a katana and walked with a new confidence in herself. Sango was glad to see the miko with such self-assurance, but she worried about that sword. She shouldn't have had to learn to use such things; that's what she, an exterminator, and Inuyasha were for. It was their duty to protect Kagome and keep her safe. She should never have felt the need to use anything other than the bow which was used more as a conduit for her powers than an actual weapon.

She hoped that she would have a chance to speak alone with Kagome once they got on the road. Sango sensed that so much had occurred during Kagome's absence and wondered what had brought it on. Inuyasha's words had driven her away, but had they also played a role in why she'd changed? Was she even the same Kagome they knew six months ago? It had appeared so when they'd all hugged at the well and she'd accepted Shippou as her adopted son. But this morning as they'd eaten, the miko had seemed more subdued than usual. She smiled and spoke, but there was something missing; that aura of constant happiness was gone. The aura that made nearly everyone welcome her and made her forgive even the cruelest person. The aura, whose very presence, could calm an irate hanyou in the worst of moods.

Her thoughts of the hanyou briefly redirected her attention to Shippou and she smiled. His interference had bridged a gap that she hadn't realized she needed to cross. Miroku had come to her after his talk with the kit and she'd come to agree with the houshi. Kagome would have wanted them to patch things up even if she never returned. Sango had still been angry at him for hurting Kagome, but it was not her place to punish the hanyou. Alienating him for two months had been punishment enough. While he may have mumbled his apology, it was the act that counted. He'd extended an offering of peace and regret in the hopes they would accept him again. Other than Kagome, they were his only 'family' of sorts, and their alienation had affected him greatly. Probably more than any of them had realized, save perhaps Shippo.

She didn't doubt for a moment that Kagome still had an effect on Inuyasha as well, despite the changes. Sango watched Kagome rebraid her hair and the exterminator narrowed her eyes when she thought she'd spied something odd in the braid. When it didn't happen again, she shrugged it off, but kept a mental note to keep an eye out. She was startled when Kagome stood, spoke a single name and then left the hut. She worried her bottom lip as she noted that the katana had been taken as well. Inuyasha was most likely still in his forest and wouldn't smell Kouga until he was at the village. Miroku, rising to his feet and holding out a hand to her, caught her off-guard and she eyed him warily.

"We should find Inuyasha. I have the feeling this will be worth watching."

Sango declined the hand and stood on her own. "Why do you say that?"

"Because her aura spiked when she mentioned Kouga and we both know how she feels about those two." Sango watched as he headed out of the hut and then waited briefly for her to exit before heading at a brisk walk towards the forest. "This is a good opportunity to see if we're right. Inuyasha should see this as well."

Sango shook her head as she spotted the hanyou heading for them as well. "I don't know about this, Miroku…"

**A/N: **

_Would anyone happen to know why mm .org removes my paragraph tabs? And how would I go about fixing this problem? ff . net really sucks in the formatting department... It won't let me...grrr nevermind._

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_Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko T. __All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned. _


	5. Dissed and Dismissed

**Fated Existence**

**_Chapter 5 – _****_Dissed_****_ and Dismissed_**

Kagome watched the slumbering hanyou for a brief moment before setting down the ramen cup. _Appreciate it while it lasts, dog-boy, _she thought to herself as she headed back into the village. The sun had risen about an hour ago and she with it. Washing quickly, she'd begun breakfast for him, knowing the others wouldn't be up until after she'd taken it to him. Shippou had risen with her and while she'd taken him the ramen, the kit refilled the pot with water so she could make breakfast for everyone else. The routine was slightly new, but when one doesn't sleep well at night, waking with the dawn becomes habitual.

"Wonderful meal, Kagome-sama." Kaede commented as she handed her bowl to Sango to be washed. The others nodded their agreement and cleaned up the area for her. She simply smiled her thanks as she sat to the side, re-braiding her hair. It was always mussed in the mornings. There would be many more new routines incorporated into the old before the week was out. She frowned as she tied off the end of the braid with a strip of silver cloth and flicked it over her shoulder as she stood.

"Kouga." She replied to the questioning looks from the group before grabbing her katana from the corner and exiting the hut.

No doubt the wolf would want to know her whereabouts for the past few months and make another attempt to claim her as 'his' woman. Over the months she'd been away she had thought so long about that things that used to happen in the past, that she had realised many things that she hadn't seen before. She had always tried to be nice with her refusal of the wolf youkai, but unlike Hojou, who she had spoken to and cleared the waters with, Kouga had never listened. Once she had explained things, Hojou had understood that he didn't stand a chance, and although pained, backed off. Kouga had never taken her soft pushes away into account, refusing to see what she was trying to say, or even listen to it. Kagome had always stopped Inuyasha from fighting Kouga, but not out of feelings for the wolf; rather, it had been for fear of Inuyasha getting hurt.

She knew if given the chance, Kouga would hide her from Inuyasha and make good on his promise of making her his mate. Now she realized that Inuyasha wouldn't have been beaten by the wolf. If the hanyou could take on Sesshoumaru and Naraku, then Kouga was nothing. A good fight, certainly, but the wolf would never win. Still, she needed to solve this problem, since she'd been the one to let it fester. No doubt Inuyasha would smell him coming, but hopefully she'd fix this before he could get pissed and start a fight.

She met the whirlwind at the edge of the village, arms crossed over her chest as she waited for the usual attempt to grab her hands. He bounded to her and when he tried to grab her hands, he yelped and jumped back, rubbing his hands in pain. Her aura shimmered and crackled before disappearing. The shock on his face nearly got a chuckle out of her if not for the seriousness of the situation.

"Ka-Kagome?"

"I've told you before that I'm not your woman. I figured I needed a different way to tell you since you weren't listening," she said levelly, deciding to go straight to the point rather than beating around the bush. She hated doing it, but niceties had never worked with Kouga, and now she was determined; he needed to back off. She wanted to cut as many chords as she could with the Sengoku, and he was one of the first.

Kouga frowned. "What's mutt face been doing to you? You've been gone for months."

She sighed; still obstinate. The 'fleabag' could give 'dog-boy' a run for his money in stubbornness. "You're ignoring the point, Kouga. You're a good friend, but you constantly come here thinking to sweep me away and make me your mate. Not now, not ever. I belong to no one."

Kouga scoffed. "Course you're my woman! I just let that baka watch over you since it's too dangerous for you to come with me yet."

He'd begun to inch closer to her as he talked, thinking to get close enough to grab her and run. Kouga could smell the hanyou nearby, but Inuyasha had yet to actually show his face. Perhaps Inuyasha was finally giving up his attempts to keep the mortal. Kagome, on the other hand, was steadily getting angrier as she was continuously ignored and her friend insulted. _As if shard hunting with Inuyasha isn't dangerous, _she thought sarcastically.

"I'll give you one more warning, Kouga."

"Or what? You'll let that hanyou try to beat me before subduing him?" he sneered. "He's a pathetic weakling. You should let me kill him."

* * *

Inuyasha watched the argument from his hiding spot with the others, wondering why he wasn't just charging in to bash in that wolf's head. Part of him wanted to do just that, but the other part, the more demanding side, wanted to see what this 'new' Kagome would do. It didn't help having the houshi and taijiya holding him down; however, none of them were really prepared for her reaction. He wasn't sure which shocked him more; her loud snarling growl that reminded him of himself in a rage, or the drawing of her katana and attack upon the wolf.

Both actions were done simultaneously as she launched herself at the wolf, her aura crackling defensively as it prevented the wolf from getting within a few feet of her. She swung the katana at his chest, lightly grazing it and leaving a thin cut behind. Her actions were slower than Sango's, but it seemed the main effect of using her katana was to off balance Kouga. Before Kouga could recover from the shock that the timid miko had grown fangs, she'd brought the sword back down as she crouched, slicing at his legs. Two pink shards flew into the air and rolled into the dirt at Kagome's feet; she glared at him as she picked up the shards.

"You were warned, Kouga. I'm not your woman, I never was."

For once the wolf was utterly speechless as he scrambled back away from the miko. The look on Kouga's face was that of one resigned to accepting what had been unacceptable before. Inuyasha knew that the wolf most likely wouldn't be showing up to pursue Kagome anymore. She dropped the defensive aura as she approached the wolf prince and handed him back the shards.

"You're a good friend, Kouga, but let that be a lesson and a final warning. Friend or not, no one threatens one of my friends. Keep these safe," she pointed to the shards in his hand. "Until he defeats Naraku."

Kouga looked about as confused as Inuyasha was feeling when Kagome returned the shards. What the hell was the wench thinking? Without another word, the wolf raced away as fast as his injured legs could carry him.

* * *

She hated resorting to violence with Kouga, but no one attacked her friends, verbally or physically, and got away with it. His threat to kill Inuyasha had been the proverbial straw to break the camel's back. Even though the wolf and the hanyou had thrown insults and threats of the sort at each other, this time Kagome had clearly seen that Kouga had meant every breath he spoke. She knew she'd eventually run into him again, and hoped that by then he would allow her to apologize for her actions. She'd allowed her anger to take control of the situation and it eerily reminded her of when Inuyasha lost himself to his own inner demon. That wasn't who she was or even remotely wanted to be. She also realised that she had been lucky; her skill, even now, was nowhere near high enough to counter Kouga, had he decided to go ahead and fight her after he'd recovered from his shock. It was only that slim element of surprise that had won her this personal battle, but she knew she couldn't always count on that.

She'd known Inuyasha was hiding, but she'd never thought he'd just sit there and watch. Then again, maybe he wanted to see if the blade was more than just a decoration. She noticed Kaede's approach, equipped as usual with a bow and arrows. Apparently the woman thought to be of some assistance with Kouga if things had gone wrong. With a sly smile as an unusual idea came to her mind she asked to borrow the bow and snatched an arrow. She'd teach him to eavesdrop.

Seconds after her arrow hit the target, a trio of heads popped up; one indignantly crying, "Oi, Bitch!" She snickered and handed the bow back to Kaede before making her way to her friends.

"Shouldn't spy on people."

"Keh." Inuyasha pointedly looked at his two accomplices. "I wasn't the only one."

With a roll of her eyes she turned on her heel. "I'm ready to leave when you are."

"Keh! We haven't heard any shard rumours since you left. There's nowhere to go."

"That never stopped you before. I'm sure we'll get wind of something." She called over her shoulder before getting out of earshot.

Kagome paused outside Kaede's hut, frowning as she spotting Kikyo's shinidama-chuu over the forest. She still couldn't bring herself to hate the undead miko, even after learning the truth behind her resurrection. But no matter the reasons for Kikyo pushing the so called 'rules', Kagome believed she was at least to be given a chance to explain and perhaps earn a kinder fate. At least she'd managed to buy enough time to possibly fix things before Kikyo met her maker; so to speak. _You have a lot to answer for, _she thought as she slipped into the hut.

* * *

**A/N:**

_I know the fight was a really short one and possibly hard to believe, but look at it this way. _

_Shock factor played heavily into why she won. I promise there is an in depth explanation in the sixth chapter._

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_Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko Takahashi. _

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	6. New Patterns

**Fated Existence**

**_Chapter 6 – New Patterns_**

By the time they'd recovered from their shock and returned to Kaede's, Kagome was already packed and waiting for them. The newest addition to her attire being a pair of wrist guards; the right one extending down to cover her first two fingers. Having so little themselves, they too were prepared to leave. Inuyasha, however, shook his head and told them they could relax. There had been no rumors of shards lately; she'd just collected two from Kouga, and she'd also just recently returned from a long absence. He noticed Kagome glance at the forest and followed her line of sight. He sucked in a breath and growled under his breath, causing the others to look at him oddly; he'd never growled when Kikyo showed up before. The woman had bad timing, as usual. He still needed to patch things up with Kagome. He crossed his arms with a snort and stayed where he was. He knew that if there was a serious threat to Kikyo that her Shinidama-chuu would seek him out.

_Not this time, Kikyo. Someone else needs me first. _

Every time he'd gone to see her, it had turned out to be something else. He'd also noted that she too had disappeared for six months. If Kikyo had been so keen to show her affection like all the other times, why not continue while Kagome was away? He'd been doing a lot of thinking while the women were gone and he definitely did not like the possible conclusions he'd come up with. Despite what most people thought, he could put two and two together.

Miroku cast a glance between the two, noticing the growing tension in Kagome. She, like the rest of them, was waiting for Inuyasha to make up some excuse and take off. However, the hanyou had yet to move from his spot and didn't even bother to glance to the forest once he'd spotted Kikyo's calling card. Something was going on here; and it was giving him a creepy feeling on his spine. He spared a look to Sango and noticed she was looking a bit nervous herself. It was like there was some form of communication going on between the two, but neither was listening.

Kagome rose to her feet, bringing the group out of their thoughts as she fixed her katana to her back, the handle rising over her right shoulder. Her pack was tossed over the opposite shoulder with a quiver of arrows sticking out of it and the bow also slung with it over the same shoulder. It appeared she was going regardless of what Inuyasha would decide to do. At the unspoken signal, Sango ducked into the hut long enough to retrieve Hiraikotsu and Kirara. She fell into step with Kagome, who was already heading out of the village and followed suit when Kagome appeared to ignore the hanyou's shouts to stop. Miroku ran to catch up, with Shippou balanced on his shoulder. While the monk disliked the tension between his friends, he had to agree that looking for shards was better than sitting around. It had been all they'd done while Kagome was gone - and apart from that, it was always better than enduring more cold shoulders and silent treatment. Even if they found nothing for awhile, it would be good to be on the move again.

* * *

Two hours later, Kagome slowed her fast pace and spoke softly. "Don't address me as a miko when we go to the villages since I neither act nor dress like one. If anyone asks, I'm just another taijiya. Only another miko would know otherwise." 

Miroku scratched his head, trying to see the reasoning behind her request. "Why for? It's never mattered before. Besides, most the villages know who you are now."

Sango nodded. "Hai. And what would we tell them anyway? It was simple to tell people you were putting the Shikon no Tama back together."

"We've collected nearly every shard that's close by. We'll likely have to travel farther than before. We can simply tell those villages that Miroku's on a quest for the shards, hence his questions about shard rumors. Sango and I are his guards."

"What about us?" piped up Shippou, who held Kirara.

"Well most of the time you two are overlooked," she smiled. "Kirara is seen as just another type of cat when she's small, and you can use your magic to look like a human child long enough to get us lodging for the night."

They all nodded at her logic. She seemed to have thought this out. Except for one explanation.

"How do we explain Inuyasha?"

"He usually prefers his trees to the villages," she stated quietly with a brief glance to the treeline. "And he leaves after he thinks we're asleep…" She paused, thinking. Finally, she shrugged, her voice not quite losing the edge of sadness that had crept into it when she'd begun speaking of Inuyasha. "I don't think we'll have to worry about it right now."

That was another shock to them; Kagome had always tried to accommodate Inuyasha and get him to stay with them in the villages before. It was almost as if she didn't care… yet the sadness in her words told them otherwise; Kagome could be no more indifferent to her friends than she could stop breathing. As they fell into silence, they had to wonder how many more alterations, small or large, Kagome had in store for them.

_

* * *

Damn wench!_ Inuyasha grumbled to himself as he followed at a slower pace. Every time he tried to get in her good graces so he could talk to her, she neatly took away the opportunity. It hadn't helped his mood when Kikyo's collectors tried to get his attention, and in failing, it had driven her into the open. Her reaction to his dismissal hadn't improved his mood or thoughts. It only gave him another reason to believe his suspicions. He growled again and picked up his pace as he spotted them getting out of sight. When he got close enough to listen, he wasn't prepared for the conversation he overheard. His ears drooped slightly as he listened. 

_Does she hate me that much? _He wondered. It would certainly serve him right after what he'd said. While the problem had bothered him, he should have said it differently. But the argument that had come on the heels of another visit from Kikyo had brought the wrong words out. There were similarities between them, but there was a world of differences as well. He just wished it hadn't taken him so long to figure it out. It had been difficult to look at Kagome in the beginning. But in the last two years her image had replaced Kikyo's in his mind. He refused to admit how much he'd missed her every time she had gone back to her time, and the last six months had been unbearable. Hadn't he made amends with the others, he feared he might have gone insane. There was a calmness her presence brought to him; her aura soothed his youki. If he had to be completely honest, there had been a connection since the moment she'd awoken him.

He shook his head to clear those thoughts. It did him no good now to dally about the past and what ifs. He took the opportunity to check out the changes in not only her, but their group as well. Her changes were the most obvious physically and spiritually, but it was her new position in the group that caught his attention. Rather than walking next to Kagome, Sango now walked slightly to the side and behind with Miroku. Shippou sat on Miroku's shoulder and Kirara mimicked the action on Sango's. He smirked slightly; if they'd been a true inuyoukai pack, Kagome would be the undisputed alpha female with the way she carried herself and her position in the group. His inner youki surged briefly with possessive pride and admiration.

He quickly tamped it down and prayed she hadn't noticed. While the separation had provided a brief respite to get himself under control, it hadn't worked as well as he'd hoped. His instincts were surging to the front, nearly overriding his human senses; and he'd somehow known the instant she was back before he even smelled her. And if this distance between them didn't shorten soon, his control would be the one shortened.

* * *

Kagome frowned slightly as they neared the first village. They wouldn't be staying; however, it wouldn't hurt to stop and check on any rumors. The problem lay in whether or not her friends would keep to the story. In this village she was known to be Kikyo's reincarnation and they would wonder about her new attire. She hoped no one would ask out right about it though. If so, she would tell them she was training under Sango to learn self-defense techniques that would keep her alive until help arrived. 

She glanced down to the pocket in her jeans that now held the shards. It was too easy to remove them from around her neck. At least now she stood a better chance of keeping them if the enemy had to just about kill her or at least strip her to get them. On the heels of that thought, she wondered if Kouga would try to retaliate now that she wasn't the same timid female as before. She knew she'd only succeeded in facing him successfully because she'd caught him extremely off-guard. She'd acted so unlike herself that it had shocked the wolf long enough to let her take the shards, even briefly. If he'd been prepared, she'd most likely be nursing a couple of injuries back at Kaede's. Hopefully she would be given a chance to truly apologize to him… unless it came down to fighting for her life, which she honestly hoped not.

Besides her talents, her own demeanor was changing, and she knew it, she _felt_ it. She wasn't a silly teenage schoolgirl anymore. She was a young woman and that meant leaving childish things behind. And as she thought back to her treatment of Kouga and Hojo, she'd realized that she'd been allowing them to think they stood a chance. She had given Hojo hope every time she'd accepted a gift from him. She had affirmed to Kouga that she was his every time she sat Inuyasha when they fought. In short, she'd unconsciously been playing with their emotions.

She stilled cared for their feelings, never wanting to deliberately hurt anyone, but it was past time for her to grow up. She had come to realize that everyone would have their feelings hurt at some point in their life whether it was by her or someone else. At eighteen she had been trying to hold on to the ideals and dreams she'd had at fifteen. Her last argument with Inuyasha had proven that. The same pettiness and bickering echoed in their words as if it were the first argument they'd had. It was then that she had seen she was being nothing more than the same child she'd been when she'd freed him. But she changed that; she'd gone home and gotten her life there in order, using the advances of her era to her advantage in order to better equip herself for the past.

She'd never be on par with Sango, but at least now she stood a fighting chance of protecting herself and thereby allowing Inuyasha to stop worrying over her every time he got into a fight. Now he'd be able to concentrate on killing his opponent instead of seeing to her safety. Yet…she knew he seemed to enjoy playing the hero for her and now she wondered if this new side of her would only bring up more arguments.

* * *

"A village to the north sends word to travelers to stay away. There is a small demon infestation that is nonetheless destroying the fields and crops; otherwise, nothing new." 

Miroku dutifully reported his findings to the rest of the group when he rejoined them on the outskirts of the village. Kagome had opted to simply walk around to the other side while Miroku had entered the village. Inuyasha was still nowhere to be seen, but he was more than likely in the trees, following Kagome. The houshi would never doubt the hanyou's protectiveness of the miko, despite the things he might say or do.

"Were they asking for help, Miroku?" Sango asked. Kagome was distracted with something in the forest.

He shook his head. "They claim to be able to handle themselves, but they want to warn others away until the problem is completely resolved."

"Keh, then unless you want to stay in the forest tonight, you better move it."

Miroku jumped, Sango squeaked and Kagome chuckled as Inuyasha suddenly made his presence known from the tree above the houshi. Kagome shrugged as she announced that she'd sleep anywhere. Shippou hopped onto her shoulder and agreed. After a brief discussion, the group settled for simply going as far as they could until nightfall. When Inuyasha took off ahead of them, for a brief moment it felt like things were back to normal. But one look at Kagome's new attire and weapons brought reality crashing back down.

_

* * *

"May I help you?" _

_The woman turned from her perusal of Goshinboku to face Kagome. Her long black hair fell to her knees; the sunlight casting an odd dark green color to it. As Kagome approached, she noticed the woman's eyes were not brown like she'd first assumed, but rather a dark reddish color. For a brief moment she thought the woman was youkai, yet the woman's strong aura said she was something else entirely. There was power in the woman; power to be feared, yet Kagome felt only calm._

_"I believe I may help you, actually," she smiled. _

_(one hour later)_

_Kagome sat in stunned silence as the woman finished her story. For the most part it was believable; after what she'd seen through the well, believing the things this woman revealed wasn't much of a stretch of the mind. She took a deep breath and replayed the conversation. Alternate dimensions, another planet… no problem. But Kikyou? Could Kikyou truly be the kind of person the woman believed her to be? Was Kikyou'd hatred so great that she risked her own soul, Kagome's soul? She was Kikyou's reincarnation so shouldn't that mean she was like her as well? But she wasn't; she told Inuyasha that repeatedly. They were almost like night and day._

_"I realize it is a shock, but she will succeed if you do not stop her."_

_"Why me?" She sputtered. "I mean, why not you since you're the one..."_

_"Because my duties are to more than one plane and timeline," the woman replied, cutting her off. "I can't simply track her down. I'm not omnipotent, Kagome. That's why I need your help. The soul is yours; you'll be able to locate her for me. When you do…"_

_"You complete the cycle." Kagome finished with a sad sigh. "It seems so… wrong, somehow. It wasn't her fault."_

_The woman nodded slightly. "In the beginning that was true, but now she's gotten above herself. Technically, neither of you should still be living. She was to lay peace to his heart and then return to you. I can't allow her to break the rules."_

_"There has to be other options."_

_"She's the walking dead, Kagome. What other option would she have?"_

_Kagome sighed and glanced up into the branches of Goshinboku. _Inuyasha wouldn't want it this way, _she thought bitterly. Unbidden, his last words echoed in her mind._

_"Me. Give me a chance to…"_

_"Do you know what you're contemplating; the repercussions of such an act?" The woman narrowed her eyes in a combination of disapproval and questioning. _

_Kagome nodded. She had a pretty good idea of the consequences, but if it would make Inuyasha happy she was willing to do it. She was brought out of her reverie when the woman handed her a small grey key. It looked old, yet new at the same time; the kanji on it simply read 'Fate's Key". The look of it reminded her of one of the old skeleton keys Mama had for her trousseau. _

_"Simply say my name and the key will activate. Use it when you find her. Until then, I advise you think hard about what you're suggesting. To do such a thing affects more than one person."_

* * *

Kagome jerked awake with a quick intake of breath. She glanced to her companions and was relieved to see that she hadn't woken them. Thankfully Shippou was sleeping with Kirara tonight or she might have dislodged the kit when she'd jarred awake. She slowly sat up and rubbed at her temples; why would she dream that now? 

Lightly throwing off the blanket she'd brought as opposed to her usual sleeping bag, she grabbed her pack from its place as her 'pillow' and quickly rummaged through it. Finding the almost hidden zipper, she opened it and sighed with relief that the key was still there. She really didn't need to lose it and anger the owner. Rearranging the pack, she put it back in its place and rose to her feet. Judging from the low flames in the fire-pit it was roughly a couple hours after midnight.

While it was early fall, the night still held a trace of summer warmth to it as she made her way to the nearby stream. They'd chosen to stop just before nightfall even though they probably could have made it to the next village a couple hours after dusk. Inuyasha had chosen the spot with the excuse that there was a stream nearby with fish for dinner. He had provided the promised fish and then promptly retired to a tree; watching them as usual.

She climbed onto a decent sized rock and swung her feet into the water. The water, like the night air, still held a trace of warmth as though trying to avoid the coming cold. She leaned back on her hands and turned her face to the sky, mentally naming the constellations as she spotted them. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep for a little bit after that dream. She'd made her choice months ago and time had only reinforced her decision. She briefly wondered if Inuyasha would use the Shikon to become human when everything was finished.

As though her very thoughts called him, he approached from her right. His youki reached out tentatively, like a child wanting to touch something and unsure if he would be allowed to do so. When her aura remained passive, he let out a soft breath, leaving her to wonder if he thought she'd treat him as she had with Kouga. They remained that way for minutes; neither wanting to break the silent truce, yet both knowing it had to be done.

* * *

Inuyasha had watched her since she'd awoken, having never fallen asleep himself. She was just barely returned and he'd be damned if he let her out of his sight. He wanted to know what she'd been looking for in her bag, but wouldn't ask. Whatever she'd found had calmed her and that calm still prevailed when he'd approached her. Remembering the encounter with Kouga, he'd reached out with his youki to see if he would receive the same shock. When she'd neither accepted nor denied his presence, he let out the breath he'd been unconsciously holding. 

He studied her in silence as she stargazed; amazed once more in the changes. She'd begun to bring exciting changes within himself in the last couple of years and he'd had to cling almost desperately to his control in the few months prior to her leaving. Arguing with her had become his defense against the emotions he wasn't ready to acknowledge until Naraku was gone. Seeing her now, with this new confidence and power, still brought those same feelings back, but it was daunting at the same time. He felt those inner changes within her almost as clearly as if they were his own. He'd smelled the sadness on her when she attacked Kouga. He knew then that despite the almost drastic outward changes, inside she was still the kind, caring Kagome he'd first met. She would mourn her defensive actions, even those with reasonable excuses.

As he'd gotten used to her new clothes and the presence of the katana, one other thing had begun to stand out to him. Anytime she'd gone through the well, she'd returned smelling faintly like the pou-loo-tion of her time. After he'd first complained about it, she'd begun to take care to bath frequently to rid herself of the smell. In the last year the scent had been replaced with his, in combination with her own; due to riding on his back of course. That hadn't bothered him at all; unless Shippou brought it up. Damn kit was too nosy; he briefly wondered if Shippou had noticed it yet as well.

No, this had been the longest she'd been separated from him and the discovery was hard to swallow. By now it should have worn off; so then how did he explain that she still smelled like him? It was confusing to say the least. Mates smelled of each other, but she wasn't his mate. He took a subtle sniff; yup, still smelled like that soap of hers and him.

"What did Kikyou have to say this time?"

The silence shattered as her soft voice drifted on the wind, bringing him out of his thoughts. "I didn't talk to her."

He kept his voice neutral and steady, even though he was on edge inside. Only two days back and she was inquiring about the one person guaranteed to make them argue? He didn't understand. She would usually ignore him, yell at him or go off and cry whenever Kikyou showed up. He knew she tried to hide her tears and he'd wondered why she cried until a certain taijiya had clued him in. He didn't want to fight with her tonight; not when she'd finally come back and he hadn't yet had the chance to fix things between them.

"But you always do." Her voice trailed off, turning the statement into a question.

_So that's it, _he thought. He was confusing her about as much as she confused him today; he held back a smirk. "She wasn't dying or anything, so it wasn't important right then."

The moment the words left his mouth it felt like a sudden weight had dropped around them. He could sense the sadness in her as she withdrew her feet from the water and turned away from him.

"Oh," she replied. "I'm sure she'll come back if she needs you."

The hanyou stayed glued in place as she headed back to camp, while his youki surged and demanded that he comfort her. When he finally regained mobility and cursed himself for making her sad as he too returned, she was already asleep once more. With the dawn and rising of the group, he was no closer to figuring out what he'd done or said wrong this time.

* * *

**A/N:**

_Have I mentioned how awesome my beta is? LOL_

**Reviewers**

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_Sango Hiwatari (You and my beta had the same reactions lol)_

* * *

_Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko Takahashi. _

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	7. The Other White Inu

**Fated Existence**

_**Chapter 7 – The Other White Inu**_

**__**

**__**

There comes a time in every being's life when they ponder upon the stupidity of others and wonder if they themselves have ever done such remarkably dumb things. Of course, for this particular being, he would _never_ repeat such thoughts aloud when they concerned his master. His human charge, however, he had no qualms in telling of their stupid actions. And he was usually stepped on for such transgressions, but the pain was sometimes worth it. Now he stood next to his master, gripping his staff tightly in an effort not to show his fear of his master's visitor. Or were they the visitors? He wasn't really sure and wasn't about to figure it out. He glanced over at his charge and was shocked at the look on the child's face. The expression was caught somewhere between fright, recognition, and awe; a most interesting combination. Then again, the visitor was an interesting abomination herself.

"Why do you seek me out, Sesshoumaru?"

The woman's bland voice brought Jaken out of his thoughts and redirected his attention to the resurrected miko.

"This Sesshoumaru is not looking for you."

The slight frown on Kikyou's lips looked as though she disbelieved him. Her gaze flickered briefly to the child riding upon the dragon's back.

"Are you running as well?"

"What would this Sesshoumaru need to run from?"

"Fate."

Jaken cringed at the sudden flare of Sesshoumaru's youki. His master was angry now, but what about? As the youki settled, Jaken relaxed slightly, but was taken aback at the very faint hint of… was that sorrow… before Sesshoumaru's youki once again lay 'dormant'. He tried to commit most of their conversation to memory, puzzled by the deliberate avoidance of certain topics and names. He was certain the conversation was an important one, but he hadn't the faintest clue in what regards that might be.

* * *

Sesshoumaru left Rin at a nearby stream to gather fish and berries while Jaken watched over her. He needed to think about what he'd just heard and determine if the dead miko was speaking the truth. He settled himself at the base of a tree within earshot of Rin and went over Kikyou's words once more. _Are you truly returning to this time, _he thought to no one in particular. Kikyou's words had brought back old memories of his youth; back when he'd received Tenseiga and lost his father. Back to when his anger at 'Fate' had been misdirected onto a child with no clue as to why he was being treated so poorly. While he vowed to be the one to take down the 'lowly hanyou', deep down he was secretly proud of his half-brother's accomplishments… minus losing his arm, of course. Inuyasha was certainly proving himself to be Chichi-ue's son. And the thought of his brother immediately brought to mind the dead miko and her reincarnation and thus the reason for his current pondering.

Being such a creation as she was, Kikyou would know if her time was limited on this plane. Her intention to take Inuyasha to Hell with her was the main reason she still walked this earth, but she couldn't approach the hanyou now. Not with her reincarnation looking for her under the instructions of another from her time. While the affairs of Inuyasha's little group were of no concern of his, Sesshoumaru knew that he would be unwittingly drawn into this particular situation, but not unwillingly. Not when he finally had the opportunity to confront 'Fate' and demand a few answers.

* * *

Jaken watched with a bored expression as Rin played in the stream, rather than catching fish. _What is Rin's connection to Kikyou?_ He thought. Kikyou had made it a point to mention that Sesshoumaru was using Rin. But what for? Rin found her share of trouble like most weak humans, but Jaken seriously doubted that Sesshoumaru would use a human child like that. Sesshoumaru didn't go looking for trouble, unless he counted Naraku, but that kind of trouble was necessary to get into. She wasn't able to see shards like Kikyou or Kagome; nor did she have knowledge of anything of any worth to Sesshoumaru… at least that he knew of. So again, what exactly was Rin's connection in all this? Or was the connection Sesshoumaru himself? Oh, his head hurt just thinking about it. He was certain of one particular connection though. Both Sesshoumaru and Kikyou 'protected' Inuyasha from harm by claiming the hanyou's life was forfeit to them. The reason may not be the same, but both wanted to be the one's to seal Inuyasha's "fate".

* * *

Kikyou stood silently at the edge of the place where Urasue had created her clay body. The confrontation with Sesshoumaru had driven her to seek out her so-called 'origins'. She had been mildly surprised to see the child, Rin, still with him. But seeing the child had given her insight to their differences as well. Urasue may have been able to resurrect her spirit, but Tenseiga resurrected flesh as well. Her time was shortening now that her incarnation knew the truth. Kikyou had known it was only a matter of time before the Guardian would seek Kagome out. Of the two, Kagome stood a greater chance of locating her through the link they shared. But the link went both ways, Kikyou knew what Kagome knew as well, just as she also knew how Kagome felt about her friends and being torn between two worlds. Kikyou was able to block the link to a certain degree, but only because she had trained her powers for longer than Kagome.

Kikyou frowned slightly as one of her Shinidama-chuu brought yet another soul to her. She touched the place above her heart where Kagome had healed her. Three years ago she'd wanted nothing more than to be the one to rid the world of Naraku and take Inuyasha to Hell with her. Retribution had been her goal. Yet now, she felt strangely… alive, somehow. As though Kagome had given up another piece of herself. While she still wished to end Naraku's existence, her goal with Inuyasha was changed. Now she wanted to live and taking Inuyasha to Hell would thwart that wish. Which brought her back to her original dilemma: how to avoid Fate.

* * *

"_Do you know what you are asking of me?"_

_Kikyou nodded, her hands clasped before her in a silent plea._

"_You say it is for him, but your eyes tell me it is for yourself."_

"_Chotto!"__ She took a step back at the accusation. _

"_This thing you ask... it will cause much pain to them. She is there to fulfill her own destiny. Yours ended fifty years ago. I cannot allow you to take what has been passed to another."_

_A flicker of light caught her by surprise as the image of her reincarnation appeared. The image seemed to be struggling against something._

"_But I will allow you this one wish upon the condition that you will return what you have borrowed within one year.

* * *

Barely three months had passed before she'd changed her mind and found a way around the Guardian's 'rules'. Her only assurance that she had succeeded was the very fact that she still walked this earth three years later. Powerful as the Guardian was, Kikyou knew the Guardian was not omnipotent otherwise she would have been found when she'd betrayed the Guardian by remaining 'alive'. She'd also lied to the Guardian when she'd asked to come back and by now Kikyou knew the Guardian must have figured it out. Why else seek out Kagome?_

Now, more than ever, she would use their link to her advantage. Before, she had no fear of getting within close proximity to her reincarnation. But now that Kagome knew the truth and was 'commissioned' to finding her, she needed to stay as far away as possible until she could think of a way to escape Fate once again.

**A/N:**

Chotto: No!

_Egad! I'm __sooooo__ sorry that it's taken so long to update! What started as a small glitch blew up into something more._

_1) I overwrote chapter 7 and had to retype it! __2) Computer__ crashed and had to fix it. __3) Yahoo__ kept eating my Beta's email of the __beta'd__ch__. 7!_

_Things back to normal… I hope. Chapter 8 will hopefully be up next week. Work has gotten hellish so I'm having issues with trying to write. _

**Reviewers**

**_MMorg_**

_InuyashasLoveLorn (such devotion lol)_

**_FFnet_**

_Drake __Clawfang__ (Can't reveal all my secrets )_

_Sango __Hiwatari_

_Dizappearingirl__ (thanks! __To be honest…__ I haven't decided __lol_

_Angel8818

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_

Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all the characters of this manga are property of Rumiko Takahashi.

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	8. Insight

**Fated Existence**

_**Chapter 8 - Insight**_

A week after they'd left Kaede's, the group found themselves on the edge of where they'd previously stopped searching in the past. The journey had been relatively uneventful; only one youkai had dared to attack the group and was so weak that Kirara had had the honors of dispatching it alone. While still on edge with the new changes, they'd managed to settle comfortably enough into a new routine. Kagome woke with the dawn and prepared breakfast, waking the others once it was finished. Miroku and Shippou would usually douse the fire and cover the ashes of the fire pit. Sango would wash the dishes under Kirara's protection at the stream while Kagome packed up the supplies. It wasn't much different from before. Inuyasha, however, was another matter. He'd taken to sleeping against the base of a tree instead of in it, and either no one noticed or no one dared to mention that he slept as close to Kagome as possible.

Two days ago, when passing a hot spring, Inuyasha had uncharacteristically offered to stop early so Kagome could take her usual bath. Kagome, just as uncharacteristically, declined and stated they needed to keep moving. With an odd look of concern on his face, Inuyasha had approached her and put his hand to her forehead, the first physical contact they'd had in days, asking if she was feeling all right. The situation had been such a blatant role reversal that Sango and Miroku had doubled over in laughter. Even Inuyasha and Kagome had given faint smiles when the two had calmed enough to explain why they were laughing. While the tension still remained, that little bit of laughter had lessened it from what it had been.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Inuyasha quietly contemplated the last week as he watched Kagome prepare dinner with Sango. Kagome had yet to say the words, but while he felt that he was possibly forgiven, it wouldn't sit right until she talked to him. Sure she acknowledged his presence, even asked him about mundane things like food and where to sleep for the night, but she didn't "talk" to him. He would have thought by now she would. He didn't count the talk about Kikyou four nights ago. He wanted to talk about her, about _Kagome_. What had she done while she was gone? Did she still have trouble with school? How was her family? Had she missed them… had she missed _him_?

He swallowed a groan as the wind blew her scent to him. He still couldn't figure out why she smelled that way. She was all Kagome, but she smelled of him as well. A dip in the stream the other night hadn't faded the scent at all like it normally would have. Reluctantly, he stood as she waved to tell him that dinner was ready, willing his body to cooperate and let him eat in peace tonight. Tonight he and Shippou had caught fish for the group, taking care to catch a couple extra for Kirara as a 'reward' for single handedly killing that youkai. The ramen, Kagome had declared, was not to be a daily meal since she wouldn't be able to rush home for more when it ran out. They would be traveling farther than before from the well and getting ramen was the least of their worries.

On one hand he agreed, on the other he really wanted that ramen. But, for her sake, he hadn't argued and didn't request it constantly. She'd caved in and given him some last night though, when he'd quietly asked for it. In return, he'd deliberately set a slower pace than usual, so they would reach a hot spring at nightfall instead of passing it by like the one before. He was pretty sure she had realized that he'd done it on purpose, because she'd actually smiled at him when he declared they would be camping here tonight. She'd _smiled_! That alone had been worth the slow pace. Now if he could just get her to talk to him…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Miroku, can I speak with you in private, please?"

Miroku looked up from polishing his staff beside Sango with a quizzical look. When Kagome didn't appear willing to share what the topic would be about, he nodded and set aside his staff before rising to his feet. As he followed Kagome away from the camp, he could only shrug in response to the questioning glances of Sango and Inuyasha. Kagome wove her way down the narrow path to the hot spring and came to a halt. Feeling that this talk would be something deeper than usual, he opted to sit on one of the larger rocks lining the spring's bank.

"Why did this soul wait so long to return?"

_That_ had definitely not been what he'd expected. His shock and confusion must have shown on his face, however, because she sighed and began pacing as she spoke as though the action helped her think.

"500 years, Miroku. Why didn't she come back sooner?"

She spoke of the assumption that Kikyou and Inuyasha were meant to be together. Why indeed. If they had been destined to be together, which he doubted, then would not the soul have returned sooner? She could have been reborn the instant of death for all he knew, and yet it was a reincarnation from 500 years in the future that returned to free Inuyasha.

"Perhaps," he paused, trying to best phrase it. "Perhaps… there were others before you, but you were the only incarnation that could free him."

His suggestion was met with a quick shake of her head. "I'm the only incarnation since her." She held up a hand to forestall the question on his lips, answering it before he could voice it. "I had a… miko… in my time read my soul… sort of. There haven't been any others."

That was interesting news. He'd heard of the ability to read into one's past lives, but had yet to encounter anyone who could do such a thing. It took a degree of meditation that he had yet to obtain. But, if indeed there were no other lives that brought them back to the same unanswered question. Why? He absently watched her pace as he quietly tried to reason it out before voicing anything.

"It is said," he began slowly, feeling out the words, "that our souls are reincarnated when we have learned from the mistakes of the previous life." He rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to offend her with his explanation. "It might be that it took all those years for yours to learn so that you would be more accepting when you came back to this time." She finally stopped pacing and pegged him with a look that demanded he explain what he meant.

"Not once since I've known you have you expected, or wanted, Inuyasha to be anything less than what he is. You have a very caring heart and put the needs of everyone else ahead of your own regardless of what you receive in return for that kindness." It was the closest he dared to compare her with Kikyou without mentioning specifics. And it was his own way at hinting that he knew what Inuyasha's running off to Kikyou did to her.

"I think it took this long for your soul to evolve beyond the biased, bitter, self-pitying of your former life."

He refrained from mentioning that he thought that was the piece of soul that allowed Kikyou to be resurrected. Not because he thought Kagome was like that, quite the opposite; because he figured the soul, no matter how evolved, would always retain the 'memories' of its former life. And it was that particular 'memory' that gave 'life' to Kikyou and sustained her, along with souls of course. But it was the woman who stood before him now that would bring their hanyou friend the greatest happiness. From all that he'd heard from Kaede, Miroku knew Kikyou would not have been happy unless Inuyasha had been human. Kikyou's wish to have Inuyasha use the Shikon to become human had been, in his opinion, her own selfish desire to get rid of her duty as the Shikon's guardian. If it had been so easily gotten rid of, surely the jewel would have been used before Kikyou had even been born. Not to mention nobody forced her to be the guardian. His train of thought came to a halt as Kagome started speaking again.

"If that is so, then there must have been much for this soul to learn. The death, while untimely and unfair, was necessary." She sounded as though she were trying to justify something to herself and failing. The silence that followed was somber.

"Regardless of the circumstances, Kagome," he said in an effort to cheer her up. "I, for one, am happy you are here. I'm certain the others feel the same."

The small, sad smile she gave him gave him eerie chills as she spoke. "You're my friends, Miroku, and I would do anything to make _all_ of you happy."

The conversation was effectively over when she followed that statement with a request that he send Sango down with her pack so she could bathe.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Inuyasha eyed the monk from the corner of his eye as Sango headed down to the hot spring to join Kagome. Talking with Kagome always left Miroku with a look of either confusion or deep thought. This time… this time the monk looked like he'd heard something very unexpected and didn't like it. Inuyasha usually didn't bother trying to find out what they'd spoken about because he'd usually end up hearing about it anyway. Before things had gotten bad with Kagome, he would have left it alone and waited; now he wanted to know immediately. But he couldn't just come right out and ask; that would be blatantly poking his nose into a conversation meant to be for the monk's ears only, since she wouldn't have requested to speak in private.

Kami must have been smiling on him for once because the answer to his dilemma came in the form of a kitsune's natural curiosity.

"You look like you're sick, Miroku. Did Kagome say something bad to you?" Shippou looked across the fire with his usual curious expression, not realizing that what he was asking had a whole other meaning for the adults.

Inuyasha feigned indifference rather than show that he was eager to hear Miroku's explanation.

"No, Shippou, Kagome wasn't mean to me. She just asked me something that I don't think I was able to answer."

Inuyasha couldn't help the frown that crossed his features as he took in Miroku's words. Kagome seeking Miroku's advice always had something to do with his profession, unless Kaede was around. If Kagome had already questioned Kaede and gotten no answers… and now Miroku… this wasn't good. If it troubled her enough that her questions left Miroku looking like he did… _Shit Kagome. What are you hiding?_

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Once Miroku had gotten out of eyesight, Kagome had stripped down and slipped into the water, confident that Sango would bring her pack. It was the first opportunity since they'd headed out for the taijiya to speak with her alone. Up till now, Kagome had fended off the questions she knew Sango was dying to have answered by either changing the topic or ignoring the obvious. She knew she couldn't evade Sango much longer, and to do so would jeopardize their friendship. She didn't want any of them to think ill of her when… she squashed the thought before it was completed. The water was wonderful, and while her talk with Miroku hadn't really helped a lot, she refused to allow her thoughts to travel that path tonight. Tonight she would enjoy the luxury of the hot spring; tomorrow she could deal with the rest.

"Kagome?"

"Over here," she said as she waved to Sango from the farther side of the spring with a smile, before submersing herself to her neck in the water.

With a quick glance around, Sango shed her clothing and ducked into the water. Kagome had to mentally shake her head at her friend's obvious concern of a certain perverted houshi sneaking a peek. Secretly Kagome figured that while Sango may like the affections of the houshi, just not the manner in which he showed those affections. Maybe she could help Sango with that.

"We've been moving quickly. How are you holding up?" Before she could give her usual response Sango held up her hand and shook her head. "And no, you're not 'fine', Kagome. You get the least amount of sleep, besides Inuyasha, and push just as hard, if not harder, than the rest of us. I can see the strain even if the others can't. What's really bothering you?"

That strain had been part of why she was indulging herself with the plan to soak for a long while in the spring. If she didn't start easing the tension, physically and emotionally, she was certain she'd have bags under her eyes within a few more days. While she longed to be able to confide in Sango like she always had, this time she couldn't. The things she knew and had to do… those were her burden to bear. She wouldn't bring the others into it even if she could. It was not fair to them since it would only cause them heartache and grief if they knew. They couldn't have helped her anyway.

"I… I don't really want to talk about it, Sango." She sighed at the crestfallen look on Sango's face. "It's nothing against you. I'm just… not ready to talk."

"He wants to talk to you."

The sudden change of topics caught her off-guard. She knew instantly of whom Sango spoke, but shook her head in reply.

"He's had plenty of chances to speak to me."

It was Sango's turn to shake her head. "He wants to apologize like he did with us, but… this is personal to him. I think he's afraid you'll reject him if he tries and he wouldn't want anyone to see that. He's not sure how to act around this new you."

Much as it pained her to agree, Kagome knew Sango was right. For Inuyasha to admit he was in the wrong was something very personal indeed. And while he'd never really come out and said he was sorry, his attempts - and the actions that went with them - did. She didn't really have an answer for Sango though, and settled for staring off into the forest with a thoughtful expression.

_That's just it, _she thought_. I'm afraid of what I might do if I let him get close again._

Kagome was glad that Sango allowed the topic to drop and moved on to their 'usual' gossip of sorts. She steered clear of giving out anything that might cause alarm or more questions. She did, however, alleviate Sango's concerns about her new weapon. Kagome knew that Sango, like Inuyasha, preferred to be her protector, keeping her as far from harm as possible. Thankfully Sango also understood her wanting to learn to at least defend herself, should she get attacked when the others weren't close by. Kagome also gave a brief explanation of her miko training under Hitomi. While Sango might not understand it completely, she would be able to inform Miroku who, Kagome knew, wanted to know the details. After catching up on the past six months, she watched Sango leave the spring, giving her time to be alone.

Her conversation with Miroku had not gone as she'd hoped. His answers, while insightful, had done little to ease the doubt of her decision. She wanted Inuyasha happy, and yet, if she truly thought about it, he never returned from Kikyou with a smile. Then again, how was one to keep a smile on their face when their loved one was a walking corpse? She winced at the sudden pain stabbing over her heart and laid her hand over her chest as if the action might ease the ache.

_If she is not stopped she will succeed._

Raising from the water just enough to bare her upper chest, Kagome removed her hand to assess the small hole in her chest. A hole identical to the one she'd healed in Kikyou. The miasma would have continued to eat away at Kikyou unless something stronger than her clay form had replaced the emptiness. And so she'd given up another piece of herself because Kikyou's death, again, would have left Inuyasha devastated. She'd seen him suffer before they'd found her again; watched the near madness creep into his eyes whenever he'd heard a rumor that she was still 'alive'. But she'd also seen the indecision in whether to investigate the rumors or remain with the group. He'd almost looked sorry whenever she made the choice for him and told him to go.

The hole was slightly larger than a half-dollar; a black emptiness over her heart that mocked her. A physical sign of what she was emotionally incapable of. It never bled and like two sides of a coin, she was alternately glad it didn't, but wished it would. She was still uncertain of how Inuyasha and Shippou failed to notice anything, but then again, if a wound doesn't bleed how does one know it even exists? She'd been too afraid to ask Hiraku about it; afraid the miko would ask questions that Kagome couldn't answer. It was the other woman who had told Kagome why the hole existed.

_It is a physical manifestation of a wound upon your soul._

Kikyou had no real body to speak of, so the miasma had attacked the one thing that held Kikyou together, her soul. Or rather the piece of soul that failed to return to Kagome. And now Kagome was keeping another secret from her friends. She bit back a cry as another flash of pain struck her. She couldn't finish things yet. She needed to know all of the consequences; especially for him. She didn't want her choice to be made in vain. She wanted to do this for him; to change his fate. But was Hell even his fate? Yes, he'd told Kikyou he would die for her, protect her until Naraku was finished, but did Kikyou hold his fate in her hands?

0o0o0o0

Inuyasha perched silently in a tree as close as he dared to the spring, currently trying not to let his anger get the best of him. Sure, he'd be sat into oblivion if she spotted him, but the risk was worth it after seeing Miroku's face and hearing Sango relate a little of what Kagome had been doing for six months. Yet, neither of these things was the cause of his anger. No, it was that damned hole in her chest. How had she gotten it? What was it _doing_ there? And he got the feeling it wasn't all she was hiding. He'd seen something similar a couple years ago… but if this was the price Kagome was paying it wasn't worth it. Not to him, anyway. He was going to get to the bottom of this soon, before he ended up possibly losing Kagome too.

**A/N:**

_GOMEN! I seriously was not ignoring this fic! _

_My wonderful beta, Midoriko-sama, has been caught up with college finals the last few weeks and that takes precedence over my fics. _

_While it took awhile to send this chapter back to me, it was well worth the wait. She points out so many things that I often overlook._

_And just when I was going to load this, I went into labor! I have a new baby boy! _

_Info and a pic will be up on my DA account._

_http / ladykiseki . deviantart . com_

**Reviewers**

_**MMorg**_

_InuyashasLoveLorn (yeah, computers can be that way)_

_**FFnet**_

_Drake Clawfang_

_Dizappearingirl_

_SangoHiwatari (I think its more that fans dislike the way Kikyou acts/is portrayed, rather than the person herself, IMO)_

_Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko Takahashi. _

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	9. Old Habits

**Fated Existence**

Chapter 9 – Old Habits 

"Fine Inuyasha, you win. At least give me some privacy when I bathe."

And thus ended what, for Inuyasha, had begun as a promising argument to get himself sat and things back to a more familiar routine. It had been, to date, the most effective way to silence the hanyou, next to her tears. The morning after soaking in the hot spring, Kagome awoke to Inuyasha's sudden proclamation that she was to stay in his sight at all times. Kagome had made a brief effort to dissuade the hanyou from sticking himself to her side like glue, but gave up when she realized that this particular battle would not be won. And the upcoming battle with Naraku was far more important than trying to get Inuyasha to relent on being her personal bodyguard. When all was said and done, she didn't want them to have their last memories of her be unpleasant ones.

The next few days had been more stressful than the week before, for Kagome that was, with Inuyasha's sudden 'guard dog' duty. He kept his distance, but the reality was that even with Sango near, he still followed her everywhere. At least he'd listened when she'd told him to steer clear when she was bathing; or did a good job of hiding from her. Just thinking about the argument over his behavior gave her a headache. She'd had to bite back the urge to subdue him, reminding herself that she'd broken the kotodama rosary six months ago. He'd almost looked confused and disappointed when she'd simply caved in and given up the fight.

Now the latest dilemma was how to contact the woman without Inuyasha following her. She could end up waiting weeks for him to tire enough to fall asleep. Usually whenever the new moon approached; but that was still three weeks away by her calculations. She needed answers before she ran into Kikyou. Although, if what the others told her was true, she would need to track down Kikyou instead and she knew there was no way to explain why she would want to do such a thing without telling them everything.

0o0o0o0

Kagome sat on the fallen tree with a dejected sigh, disgusted with herself, or rather disgusted at being unable to practice with Sango. She'd honestly made a serious attempt, but when her only opponents were either Shippou or Kirara, she lacked the will to fight with everything. Even in her larger form, Kirara would remain a tiny 'kitten' in Kagome's mind and Shippou she regarded like a brother or son. The thought of hurting them, even on accident, kept her from drawing either blade or bow when Sango suggested a mock fight to test Kagome's new skills.

"Glad to see not everything changed." Sango commented as she propped her Hiraikotsu against the log before claiming a seat next to Kagome.

"Huh?"

Sango smiled. "It goes against your nature to hurt anyone you care for, even if it might be for their best interests. You can't attack Kirara or Shippou, so it shows that you're still as kind-hearted and caring as ever."

Kagome smiled at her friend's insight and nodded. "Hai."

"Now, Inuyasha and Miroku, however," Sango chuckled. "I wouldn't mind a mock fight with them. The houshi dodges well enough and Inuyasha, if injured, would heal by tomorrow. But I get the feeling we'd be doing most of the dodging. "

"True…" Kagome pondered the idea. Technically she injured Inuyasha every time she'd sat him, even if he didn't let on that he was hurt. And she did smack Miroku whenever his hands went wandering, as did Sango. So was it really that much of a stretch to do a mock fight with them? She glanced up at the sun overhead, calculating that it was perhaps just after noon. Inuyasha and Miroku had opted to go a bit ahead to the village they'd spotted and inquire about shards while the girls stayed behind at the nearby spring to refill the water bottles and rest. Sango had suggested a test of Kagome's skills while the boys were gone.

"Tell you what Sango, how about…"

0o0o0o0

Inuyasha walked in silence beside the monk on the way back to the girls, disgusted that the only rumors to be heard were about the usual youkai sightings and the possibility of a shard from another village three days away. They could easily cover the distance in two days, especially now that Kagome seemed to be keeping up with a faster pace. He frowned slightly, remembering that one of the sightings sounded suspiciously like Sesshoumaru. He didn't want to get anywhere near the bastard right now. Not with things still edgy between him and Kagome. Hell, he didn't want to get near anyone that might use the rift against them. He needed to solve this soon, a phrase that he'd been repeating for the better part of two weeks.

"Uhh, Inuyasha…"

Miroku's hesitant voice brought Inuyasha out of his thoughts and to an immediate halt. It took him a long moment for his brain to register what his eyes were seeing. Right in the open field where they'd left the girls, were said females currently, if sight was to be believed, engaging full tilt in battle… with each other. Inuyasha blinked several times trying to will the image away, but either he was under a spell or they really were fighting. Of course, if he'd bothered to glance at the kitsune and neko-youkai, he'd have realized from their unconcerned expressions that this wasn't a fight. Which, subsequently, would have prevented his immediate reaction to the perceived threat of Sango going in for the 'kill'.

Kagome, it had appeared, had tripped on either her own feet or something under her feet, giving Sango a good opening to bring down her katana in a stabbing action aimed for the heart. Before Kagome could bring up her own katana in defense to knock away Sango's blade, a loud snarl and a blur of red interceded itself between the opponents.

Kagome lay frozen in shock as Inuyasha covered her body with his own; one hand to either side of her ribs as his knees rested to her left. The sickening sound of Sango's katana piercing his back caused her to gasp in horror. She barely heard Sango's own gasp and rapid apology as the taijiya retracted her blade and ran to get Kagome's first aid kit. She couldn't see his face with his hair in the way, but she was still too shocked to move until he slightly raised his head and growled. Looking to her right she saw Sango approaching with the bandages; she shook her head in silent warning to Sango to keep her distance.

Inuyasha glared at the offending taijiya with a softer growl, letting the woman know that her actions were not acceptable, but that he also wasn't going to attack her for them. The blood was pounding so loudly in his head that he was only able to think within terms of 'now'. Pack-mate or not, no one attacked the alpha female. But since it was another female to attack, he wouldn't be the one to meat out punishment. He watched the woman slowly back away, shock still in her eyes. When he judged that she was a safe distance away, he slowly moved to one side of Kagome and crouched next to her, sniffing lightly to see if she was hurt. Satisfied that he smelled no blood, he slowly calmed down, distantly aware that she was trying to talk to him.

"Inuyasha…" No answer. "Daijoubu, Inuyasha… we were practicing…"

Practicing… play fighting… before he could full grasp the meaning of her words the scent of fear sent him back on edge. Her fear, which roused all his defensiveness, was directed at something behind him. Before he could turn to discern the cause of her fear, he was knocked head over rump with enough force to send him flying several yards away. By the time he rolled to his feet, the tengu was shrieking from the painful stabbing of Kagome's katana into its foot. Apparently it tried to keep her pinned to the ground. Inuyasha smirked as pride briefly surged in response to her actions.

The tengu easily stood at a height equal to Sesshoumaru, talons digging into the earth for balance or perhaps in irritation at the miko. Its right wing curled like human fingers around its staff; flexing in time to some beat only it could hear. The three rings gave a chime too soft for human ears to hear with each twitch from the tengu. Inuyasha knew the damn things were inhumanly fast, like his damnable bastard of a half-brother. At least the ruddy coloring of its feather would make it easier to follow its movements. Gripping Tessaiga, he suppressed the urge to shudder as the sword's presence brought clarity back to his red-hazed mind. He would have time enough to yell at the women after he got rid of that tengu.

Kagome rolled away and to her feet as Sango ran behind the youkai to check on Miroku who had been knocked down first. She set the katana before her in a defensive position, braced to either run or block an attack. She barely had time to register Inuyasha's warning cry before she found herself knocked forward and pinned down by a set of talons. Another tengu had joined the fight. Pinned face first as she was, she could only see Miroku's feet and a lot of grass. Her katana lay useless before her, knocked from her hands when she'd gone down. The first tengu had moved off, apparently fighting Sango from the sound of things. Miroku must have still been unconscious. _You'd think after being hit with __Hiraikotsu__ repeatedly that he'd have grown an immunity to being knocked out_, she thought. Then again, she didn't know the extent of his injuries.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha was dealing with a problem of his own. Before he could reach Kagome to free her from the second tengu, two more swooped down to block him. With a growl of impatience and fury, he drew Tessaiga and attacked before they could. Either too stupid to move or simply shocked by such a swift attack, the first in his path went down without a fight. The second screamed in anger and dodged the next sweep of his sword, then blocked the third with its staff. Inuyasha stepped back and frowned as the difficulty just went up a notch. He needed to end this fast and get to Kagome before that other tengu did anything to her other than hold her captive in its talons. He glanced over at Sango, who was holding her own against the first tengu that had attacked them, keeping it clear of Miroku's still form. _It must hit harder than Sango, _he thought as he redirected his attention on the tengu blocking him from Kagome. Just as he took a step to ready his Kaze no Kizu, a horrible shriek made him flatten his ears and look towards Kagome.

The tengu above Kagome shrieked as it yanked back its foot from her purifying aura, giving her time to get back to her feet. She spun around to face her opponent when a flash of light barely warned her in time to put up her arms in an instinctual defensive motion. It buffered the staff's impact just enough to simply scratch the side of her forehead rather than bash her brains in, but the impact would probably leave bruises on her forearms if the pain in them was any indication. Before she could do anything except register what had hit her, the wind was knocked from her by a leg to her gut which sent her flying several yards and then sliding several more once she impacted the ground.

"Kagome-chan!"

"Kagome!"

"Hiraikotsu!"

"Kaze no Kizu!"

Both warriors released their attacks almost simultaneously, anger and worry overriding everything else. The tengu Sango had been fighting had suddenly disengaged when Kagome hurt the one pinning her down. Its staff had been the one to knock her in the head and the one with the wounded foot took the opening to kick the miko across the field. Sango released Hiraikotsu, taking out the tengu that had been blocking Inuyasha while Inuyasha's attack took out the remaining two tengu even though his intent had been to take out the one blocking him. For an unplanned maneuver it turned out very well. Sango looked between her two fallen friends, unsure of which to go to, knowing both needed to be seen to.

The dilemma was solved when Inuyasha raced past her with a brief remark to check the houshi and make camp. She almost smiled with relief, knowing that Kagome was in good hands with Inuyasha. Calling for Kirara, Sango made her way back to Miroku. The houshi had taken a serious hit to the back of his head and she'd barely had time to see how badly beyond that he wasn't bleeding before the second tengu had shown up. Having Kirara lie down, she half rolled, half pushed the unconscious houshi onto the fire-cat's back; pleased to see that what little blood had seeped from his wound was half dry.

Inuyasha slid to a stop beside Kagome and dropped to his knees, leaning over her as he tried to check for injuries. He was unprepared for her next words.

"You're…hurt…"

He gaped at her for a moment, unable to form a reply. The stupid wench had just been thrown like a stone and she was worried about HIS wound? He shook his head and ignored her feeble protests as he picked her up, carrying her back to where Sango was currently setting up camp. In the short time it took for him to cross the field, Kagome had passed out.

As he entered camp, Shippou came racing towards them, but halted when Inuyasha shook his head at him. Shippou had watched the fight from the fallen tree, afraid to help and yet knowing his attempts wouldn't have really helped anyway. Sniffing, Shippou caught wind of Kagome's blood and his eyes went wide for a moment before diving for Kagome's pack. He quickly dug out the box that held the bandages and raced back to Inuyasha. Knowing he'd probably get thrown for jumping on Kagome, Shippou opted to scamper up Inuyasha's back and lightly drop the box on Kagome's stomach before running off to the nearby stream to gather water. He knew the only way he could really help right now would be to finish setting up camp and get water for food and wound cleaning. Inuyasha would see to Kagome like Sango saw to Miroku. Some habits didn't die.

**A/N:**

_My son is keeping me very busy so following chapters will be a bit slower in coming out._

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_Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko Takahashi. _

_All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned._


	10. Aftermath

Website - ladykiseki. Existence 

**Chapter 10 – Aftermath**

Inuyasha sat in silence at the base of a worn tree with Kagome laid carefully across his lap in his arms. He had set aside the first aid kit and was slowly assessing her wounds. He brushed his fingertips lightly over the purpling bruise at her temple, worried that she wasn't waking yet. There were similar bruises on the inside of her forearms where she'd tried to block the tengu's staff. She was going to be hurting for awhile, of that he was certain. He glanced over to Sango who was worrying equally over Miroku. It looked as though the houshi had finally awoken and was trying, in vain, to dissuade the taijiya from inspecting what he was calling a 'bump'. Inuyasha shook his head and returned his attention to Kagome.

He had smelled blood when he'd lifted Kagome, but the strength of the scent or rather lack thereof, told him that it wasn't a deep wound. Finding no discernable area on her front, he carefully lifted and turned her to inspect her back. His eyes widened in shock and worry when he saw what remained of the sleeveless shirt she'd been wearing. Sliding as far as she had in the field, the rocks had torn through her shirt and flesh. He shifted her further, cradling her head in the crook of his left elbow; her right arm thrown over his left arm and leg while his left hand lay lightly on her side to keep her from shifting further. Once he had her in a secure position, he took a better look at the wounds, frowning when pulling at the shirt to get a better look caused Kagome to make a noise that he instantly registered as one of pain.

Most of the scratches had stopped bleeding, but he knew from experience that allowing the blood to dry to the shirt would worsen the pain in removing it. He would most likely get an earful from Kagome when she woke up, but that was the least of his worries. At least two wounds still bled. Shippou came into his line of sight with two of Kagome's bottles of water, setting them down with a hesitant smile by the first aid kit. Inuyasha eyed the kitsune for a moment, realizing he would need an extra set of hands to clean Kagome's wounds.

"Oi, Shippou," he said softly. "Think you can find some cloth to clean her scratches?"

Eyes widen briefly at being asked to assist, Shippou nodded and raced off for Kagome's bag. There were little scraps of cloth he remembered her calling 'wash cloths' that she used for bathing. He had to dig almost to the bottom, but he finally found one and raced back. He wasn't too worried about Kagome's scratches since she didn't smell like death, but her lack of response when Inuyasha started lifting her shirt bothered him. She must have been hit pretty hard to stay 'asleep' through Inuyasha's touch.

"Soak it in water, then come hold her shirt so I can clean off the blood."

Inuyasha's voice brought Shippou out of his silent worry and he did as told. Standing by Kagome's head, he held her shirt near the back of her neck while Inuyasha slowly and softly wiped the blood from the wounds. With the exception of two deep lines down either side of her spine, the scratches were nothing. Setting aside the cloth, Inuyasha dug into the white box of medicine and pulled out the bottles he recognized from Kagome's previous ministrations to their own wounds. One he remembered her calling an 'ant-ee-sep-tick' that kept the wounds from getting 'in-fek-tid', but it stung too. He sprayed all the wounds, leaving the smaller ones open because he knew they would heal within a couple of days on a human. For the two large ones he simply bandaged, knowing the bandages would need to be changed frequently until the bleeding stopped.

Throughout it all, Kagome remained unconscious and still as though she were in a deep sleep. Inuyasha fought hard against the urge to whimper his distress as he returned her to her previous position while Shippou took the cloth to rinse in the river and refill the water bottle they'd emptied. What he really wanted was for her to wake up and change into a clean shirt. Dry or not, the blood was starting to bother him. Salvation arrived in the form of Sango who held one of Kagome's shirts; this one in a shade of green similar to her school uniform, but with shorter sleeves and buttons up the front.

"I'm sure Kagome wouldn't want to stay in that shirt," Sango said softly.

Inuyasha let out a sigh of frustration and relief; he hadn't figured out how he was going to get her out of the ruined shirt. Under Sango's direction, he carefully used his claws to cut through the fabric so it would be easily removed. Sango held onto the shirt until he was finished and closed his eyes, even turning his head as an added precaution should Kagome wake. Miroku, thankfully, was out of their line of sight or else Inuyasha wouldn't have agreed; or at least waited until the houshi was sleeping. Once Kagome was changed, Inuyasha gathered her as close as he dared. Her breathing was evening out, telling him that she had fallen into true sleep and not a state of unawareness.

He watched the rest of his pack go through the motions of setting up camp. It was late afternoon, but with Miroku and Kagome injured they would be going no further until they were better which was fine by him. Shippou was laying out Kagome's bedding while Sango started a fire. Miroku was propped against Kirara, who was curled around the houshi protectively. Inuyasha had to smile at that. While the relationship between the taijiya and houshi hadn't changed much in public, Inuyasha suspected that it had changed enough in private to cause the fire-neko to bring Miroku under her 'wing'. Similar to the way he'd taken Shippou under his own these past few months. He couldn't see the kit as a son, nor would he treat him as such, but Inuyasha did regard Shippou as a pup in need of a male figure to protect him and show him how to survive. Shippou was pack and relation or not, pack was not left behind, in any way.

He regarded the sleeping woman in his arms and briefly hugged her close. _It's no easier to leave you behind either._

_0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o_

"You can't keep running."

"My task is not completed."

"At least listen to."

"I know why you search for me."

Kagome sighed with frustration. "Then why are you running, Kikyou?"

Kikyou frowned, "Because I cannot leave until I deal with Naraku."

"For all that we are linked, you don't know everything."

"I know that you are the one that blocks the paths between myself, Inuyasha, and Naraku. You are our bane."

Kagome awoke with a start, blinking slowly in the morning sunlight. Her mind registered several things at once. It was morning. Sango was cooking. Miroku was awake but resting against Kirara. Shippou was wrapped in her bedding. Closing her eyes she turned her mind towards herself. She was propped up against something with, presumably, her pack for a pillow. Her head was throbbing, as were her arms. She was lying slightly on her side and her back felt sticky. She decided that moving was probably a good idea, but before she could do anything more than take a deep breath in preparation for sitting up, her 'pillow' moved and she found herself wrapped up in the large sleeves of Inuyasha's haori.

"Lay still or you'll open the wounds."

Kagome stiffened at the sound of his voice; or rather at the soft tone he was using. It was a tone she'd often wanted to hear, but fate was cruel if he'd start using it now; she didn't want him to start caring, not when she'd finally made her choice. She closed her eyes and concentrated on just lying still and quelling the ache in her chest. Little by little she withdrew into herself, attempting to avoid the situation she was now in. And to avoid the pain, both physically and emotional.

"Don't you ignore me, wench." Inuyasha shook her gently once.

"How is everyone?"

Inuyasha suddenly growled and moved out from behind her, letting her drop to the ground as he stalked out of the camp flattening his ears as he went at her gasp of slight pain at the sudden movement. _Damn it! I try to be nice and she ignores me! How can I tell her if she won't let me in?_ The moment he was out of the camp's sight he let loose a snarl and cut down the closest tree with his claws. He fell to his knees as the tree fell to the ground, the anger gone as swiftly as it came. _Is this like what I've done to Kagome? This helplessness. I'm running out of options. She probably won't listen to me unless I corner her.  
_

He smirked as he ran the idea through his head. Granted it would probably really piss her off, but he was getting tired of his efforts being dismissed or outright disregarded by her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Kagome sighed softly as she watched the scenery pass with disinterest, thankful that her moving 'bed' in the form of Kirara didn't jostle her and aggravate her wounds. She had tried, repeatedly, to get them to let her walk the next morning. Even Sango had agreed with Inuyasha about making her stay still. They had actually wanted to refrain from breaking camp for at least another day, but Kagome wouldn't hear of it. She had already been out of it for a day and a half, all the while cursing her inability to defend herself after spending so much time on the techniques. The very thing she'd been trying to prevent, Inuyasha saving her, had happened anyway. She truly was just a weak, pathetic human and her actions with the tengu had only reinforced his words.

_Pathetic human, having to rescue you all the time; make me sick._

Kagome closed her eyes against the image his words brought up, but it wouldn't fade. Her incarnation, Kikyou. And as soon as she thought of Kikyou, she found herself in contact with the undead miko. Not so much in words, but rather in feelings, they communicated. How long they 'spoke' she didn't know, but in the end she was left with the knowledge that Kikyou would not be easily found. Kikyou had no intention of letting Kagome near enough to actually speak in words. She had conveyed quite clearly that she felt it was Kagome who prevented her from completing her tasks. Kagome sighed once more, this one born of frustration, as she opened her eyes. She jerked into an upright position as her eyes connected with Inuyasha's.

Inuyasha frowned at Kagome's reaction to his proximity. That had not been his intention when he'd heard her sighs and decided to inquire about her health. They'd been traveling all morning and part of the afternoon. Lunch was eaten as they'd walked because the black clouds in the distance had grown closer and darker with each hour. He didn't want to be caught in the downpour without adequate shelter for Kagome. While the wounds on her back were healing well, there were a couple that would take longer than the rest due to how deep they'd gone.

He'd been grateful for once that Kagome always carried her box of medicines. At the edge of camp he'd carefully cut away the back of her shirt to allow Sango to administer the wounds and bandaged them. If Kagome had been conscious he would have been yelling at her for her recklessness. But as fate would have it, Kagome remained blissfully unaware even throughout Sango putting a new shirt on her. And she remained that way for the rest of the day and all of the following day. When she'd awoken he'd wanted to stay an extra day, but before he could really argue with her decision to break camp he'd smelled Sesshoumaru. That alone had been enough to 'give in' and head out. With Kagome injured and Miroku still sporting a headache, Inuyasha was not inclined to wait and see if his bastard brother would put in an appearance or pass them by.

It was as though the very thought of him had called, because the Inuyoukai appeared on the road before them. The dragonet, Ah-Un, landed off to the right with the girl, Rin, and Jaken upon it's back. Only their presence kept Inuyasha from drawing Tessaiga and confronting Sesshoumaru. His brother may be an arrogant asshole bent on taking him out, but Inuyasha knew the youkai wouldn't fight with Rin nearby. The group came to a halt, each member eyeing the lord with equal parts of apprehension and speculation.

"What do you want, bastard?"

"This Sesshoumaru will speak with your miko." He paused. "Alone."

"The hell you will!" Inuyasha snarled, his hand halfway to Tessaiga when Kagome's voice froze him in place.

"You aren't my keeper, Inuyasha. I'm a big girl. I can handle my own."

"Keh. Like you handled the tengu?"

The momentary hurt look in her eyes had him instantly kicking himself for stooping so low. Damnit, he couldn't help it. No matter what training she'd done, to him, she would always need saving; or so he had hoped. The attack by the tengu had reaffirmed it for him. And now she wanted to question his authority... in front of Sesshoumaru no less? The wench needed to learn when to let him handle things.

"If you are finished." came the flat voice that had started the argument.

Kagome slid from Kirara's back, wincing slightly as the motion pulled at her lower back muscles; namely on the muscles bruised the most. She waved off Sango's motion to assist her and eyed the Inuyoukai for a long moment before looking to Inuyasha. The need to assure Inuyasha that she was safe and would return was another habit she learned she could not erase.

"I don't think he's here to fight or else he'd have left Rin behind. I'll be right back."

He didn't look satisfied, but he did release his grip on Tessaiga. Taking it to be her cue, Kagome approached Sesshoumaru with caution, wrapping her aura tightly about her. She could have sworn she saw the youkai's eye twitch at her actions, but before she could make sure, he had turned on his heel and headed into the trees.

"Why is the undead miko suddenly afraid of you?"

Kagome froze in place and blinked slowly. That was the last thing she figured he, of all people, would ask. But it was also a question she couldn't answer without telling him everything. And if she wouldn't tell Inuyasha, the she sure as hell wasn't telling his brother! Why did he suddenly need to know about a woman who was usually beneath his notice? Unless he was tracking her… but Kikyou knew no more of Naraku's location than she did… Kagome frowned slightly as her gaze flickered over Tenseiga… Or was his sudden interest brought on by something else?

Sesshoumaru frowned at the lack of response and pinned the miko with a glare. Either the woman didn't know or she was refusing to speak. Whichever it was, she must have gained a new power to strike fear into her predecessor. The undead miko had given him a clue, but the true answers, he knew, would come from the reincarnation. A woman who was fiercely loyal and protective of his hanyou brother. If the information he sought involved Inuyasha, he was certain the woman would never speak. Given how Inuyasha reacted around Kikyou, he was certain that whatever this woman knew would most likely involve Inuyasha in some form or another.

"I didn't know she was running from me." It wasn't a complete lie. Kagome knew that Kikyou would most likely avoid her, but she didn't think Kikyou would actively fear her. From the look on Sesshoumaru's face he wasn't buying it.

"You reek of Inuyasha."

Any thought to defend her statement about Kikyou went flying at his words. Not usually one to curse, she was silently cursing now; afraid that Sesshoumaru might now attack her as well since he despised Inuyasha. When the youkai made no move towards her, she tamped down on her fear and forced herself to think.

"We travel together," she replied in a tone that said it should be obvious why she smelled like Inuyasha. Never mind that she'd have to actually touch Inuyasha for an extend time in order to 'reek' of him. He didn't need to know that that wasn't why she smelled of him. Of course, Inuyasha probably didn't know why either and both brothers could remain clueless in her opinion.

"You lie badly, miko." Without warning he was suddenly inches from her, his eyes raking over her form briefly before leaning slightly down and sniffing. He straightened before Kagome had a chance to react, but made no move to step away. If anything, his gaze only grew colder.

"You make a false claim, miko. Remove it."

Kagome stiffened at the accusation and frowned. "I make no claims, Sesshoumaru."

"Remove it before he finds it. Regardless of his feelings for you, such a claim on his life will anger him."

"How would you know? What of Kikyou's 'claim'?"

Sesshoumaru snorted. "Her claim is insignificant to the one you make."

"Argh! I'm not claiming anything, baka!" She immediately gasped and covered her mouth, shocked that she'd treated him as if he were Inuyasha. Before he could do anything more than lift an eyebrow, she felt Inuyasha's youki. She frowned as she whipped her head in his direction and glared at the treeline.

Sesshoumaru took it as a good time to leave, silently departing while the miko's attention was elsewhere. No fight could compare to the woman's ire when she caught Inuyasha doing wrong.

"Are you spying again, Inuyasha? Can't you trust me?" A small squeak escaped her lips as Inuyasha dropped from the trees right in front of her.

"It's him I don't trust, Kagome." He tucked his arms into the sleeves of his haori as he regarded her thoughtfully. He had come upon them just as Sesshoumaru was accusing her of some kind of claim. He wasn't quite sure what it meant, but he had an idea or two. Whatever it was, Sesshoumaru implied that the claim held more weight than Kikyou's claim on his life. What kind of claim could Kagome make that was more important than his life? Or rather his death since Kikyou sought to end his once she ended Naraku's. If Kikyou's claim meant dying…. could Kagome's claim….

"He wasn't after anything except information." Kagome's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"Like what? We don't know where Naraku is anymore than he does."

Kagome bit the inside of her cheek as she tried to figure out what to tell him without making him demand further explanation.

"I think he met Kikyou because he asked me what she was running from. And no, I don't know." She looked away as she spoke, afraid she might somehow give something away if she kept eye contact. She wasn't quite lying; she had an idea or two, but she didn't know for certain why Kikyou was avoiding her and thus avoiding Inuyasha as well, not to mention that she was really afraid that he might hate her if she were a possible reason for his beloved miko, undead or no, refused to see him. The ensuing silence was slowly beginning to unnerve her resolve to keep her secrets. Left alone with Inuyasha, she felt her defenses weakening. She knew he had the right to know.

"Kagome, I…"

The moment he spoke she snapped, knowing she had to get away quickly before she came completely undone.

"We should get back. The others are probably wondering what happened." Her cheerful tone sounded hollow even to herself as she made to turn around and leave.

Inuyasha frowned at Kagome's sudden change and the scent of fear on her. He'd finally, finally, gotten her alone and now she was running, again. Except now she was running from him. What had he done to make her suddenly so afraid to be alone with him? Reacting quickly before she could leave the clearing, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him. When she gasped and tensed up, poised to fight free, he swung her onto his back and took off, giving her no choice but to cling to him or fall. The latter, of course, he'd never allow.

"I sent them on ahead. Hopefully they'll reach the village before this storm comes."

Kagome clenched her eyes closed tightly, refusing to allow herself to enjoy the sudden closeness of him. Which was easily done as she focused on the tiny spark of anger at being yanked around and him sending the group on without them. Before she could begin to argue with him, her chest throbbed painfully. She barely contained a hiss of pain as her hands clutched his haori while she buried her face in his back, attempting to ride out the pain as silently as possible. But, unlike before, this pain refused to diminish quickly. Her last thought as she drifted into unconsciousness was that now Inuyasha would not allow his questions to go unanswered.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**A/N:**

_The delay for this chapter would be another email fiasco. I think the servers must have it out for me and my beta._

_I return to work (finally) after maternity leave, so please be patient. I try to update as fast as possible._

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Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha is property of Rumiko Takahashi.

All other characters are mine unless otherwise mentioned.


	11. Friction Part One

Website: ladykiseki . deviantart . com 

**Email: ladyblade msn . com**

**Chapter 11 – Friction: Part One**

Sango knelt beside the fire pit, silently sipping her tea as she listened to the storm outside the walls of the inn. For once Miroku had not attempted to 'dispel evil' from the headman's home. When she had questioned him about it, he'd simply replied that Inuyasha and Kagome might not be able to find them. She hadn't bought the story, but she allowed him to think otherwise. She knew Inuyasha could easily smell them out, but when the rain came and steadily worsened, she began to doubt. Alone, Inuyasha would have kept going, but he had Kagome with him… They were probably waiting out the storm somewhere.

The only other sounds were Shippou's soft snores from the futon he shared with Kirara. She smiled at the image, thankful that the young kitsune was able to sleep. She had worried that he might be anxious over Kagome's whereabouts, despite Inuyasha's reassurance that he'd take care of the miko. The smile faded as she recalled the hanyou's order to make for the village while he waited for Kagome. She hadn't wanted to leave, but she knew Inuyasha would take care of Kagome and it also wouldn't hurt for them to acquire lodging in advance.

She set the tea on the tray next to the pit, pausing to warm her hands before the fire briefly. She rose to her feet in silence, crossing the room to Kagome's pack. The inventions of Kagome's time were always a wonder to her and she was glad the young woman shared some of them. Flipping it open, she quickly located the three bottles and brush. Setting the containers down, she froze as she pulled the brush from the bag, the light catching a few strands of hair… silver-white hair… She smothered her giggles as she realized that she wasn't the only one who preferred having her hair in a state of being unknotted, and found combs of their era lacking in solving the problem.

"You should laugh more often, Sango."

Though spoken softly, she whirled in surprise to confront the speaker. Her eyes slowly returned from their widened state as she lowered the brush she'd instinctively raised as a possible weapon. "Houshi-sama…" she whispered on a soft sigh.

Miroku's smile faltered slightly with her acknowledgement of his occupation rather than his name. It appeared as if the two months prior to Kagome's return hadn't happened. He'd diligently spent his time trying to show the taijiya that his affections were not along the same lines as those he showed other women. Yes, he appreciated the female form, but he'd curbed his 'wandering' hands just before Kagome had disappeared. It took Sango four months to recognize his efforts, but it was well worth the wait because in the end…

"We are promised Sango. Surely that entitles you to call me by name?" His tone was jesting despite the sudden fear that she'd changed her mind.

"H-hai… Call it habit." She smiled as she gathered her items and rose to her feet, crossing to where Miroku casually leaned against the doorframe. "You've been Houshi-sama for years. It's hard to change… Miroku…"

With a quick peek towards the youkai to ensure they were sleeping, she quickly rose up on her toes and brushed her lips in a ghost of a kiss across his cheek. Her own cheeks burst into a riot of pink as she exited the room before he could return the favor. Miroku's smile returned and he brushed his fingers across his cheek. The smile turned into a smirk as he followed Sango, knowing her destination and figuring it would be well worth another bump on the head.

_Don't change too much, love… you're wonderful as you are…_

----,----,----

Inuyasha hadn't missed Kagome's attempt to muffle her cry of pain, nor her sudden grip on his haori. When she went limp and began to slide off his back, he quickly halted and allowed her to fall gently, then turned and scooped her into his arms before resuming his run. The clouds were looking to burst any moment if the thunder was any indication. It shook the very ground and he could smell the rain fast approaching. There was no way he'd reach the village in time and as he looked for an alternate shelter, he silently hoped the others had already found refuge.

Salvation came in the form of a small cave just as the thunder sounded once more. He sniffed the opening cautiously, not wanting to inadvertently hole up in someone's home. He smelled bear, but the scent was fading, telling him it had been months since it was inhabited. He made his way to the back, thankful there was just enough light left to illuminate the cave. He gently laid Kagome down, absently smoothing back a stray wisp of hair that had come undone from the braid. He frowned as he slipped out of his haori and blanketed her with it. He didn't like her hair confined, it reminded him of Kikyou; severe, contained… cold. Before he gave in to the urge to undo the braid, he headed back outside to gather firewood before the rain came.

----,----,----

Kagome awoke to the smell of wood, rain and… Inuyasha? She opened her eyes, blinking slowly to adjust to the dim lighting. She was wrapped in Inuyasha's haori, and for a brief moment she allowed herself to clutch it closer and inhaled his scent; sandalwood and evergreen. She released it and sat up, her eyes immediately seeking out the owner. He sat quietly against the wall nearest the small fire; eyes closed as if in sleep. She knew better. He would most likely 'awaken' if she tried to walk past him. She gave a small shriek of surprise when lightning crashed outside; illuminating the mouth of what she could now tell was a cave.

Inuyasha immediately jumped to his feet in response to Kagome's cry, his hand gripping Tessaiga. He'd been waiting for hours, listening to the lightning and rain, repeatedly thinking of how he was going to get her to listen to him, and how exactly he should say it. It wasn't easy, but he'd half-expected it not to be with Kagome; she kept him on his toes, making him think about things that he long ago hadn't cared about.

"Kagome?"

She shook her head to clear it of the momentary shock the lightning had caused, turning her gaze to the hanyou. She gave him a small smile as her way of letting him know she was fine, when in reality she was far from it. Her chest throbbed with a dull ache that was more of a bothersome reminder than true pain, and she was trapped for Kami knew how long with an inu-hanyou who'd been hell bent on getting her to talk to him about… well a lot of things in which she figured. Mainly about what had happened when she'd left nearly 7 months before.

But with Sesshoumaru's unexpected line of questions and accusations, she was certain he'd ask about that as well… and possibly about why she'd passed out. She didn't want to have those conversations… not with him. However thick her walls, however strong her resolve, she knew… she just _knew_ she would break if he spoke to her in that same kind tone. The one that made her want to believe he actually cared this time. And so, with every fiber of her being protesting, she did the one thing she trusted to put distance between them…

Looking away and crossing her arms, she harshly said, "What do you want?" All the while cringing inside for being so cruel.

Inuyasha flinched at her tone as his ears flattened against his head. She wanted an argument. If it weren't for the faint scent of fear coming off her he might have given in and done as she wanted. Only her tears could eclipse his reaction to her fear; he wanted… no, he _needed_ to soothe her fears, even if he wasn't sure what they were.

"I want you to listen…"

"You've got nothing worth listening to."

"Think again, bitch." He ground out, grimly determined to hold on to his temper no matter how much she goaded him. When the silence stretched into minutes, he took it as a sign that she might listen… or at least not interrupt. With a sigh he dropped cross-legged next to her; her slight flinch not going unnoticed.

"I shouldn't have said it. You can't be like her..." he frowned as she stiffened, but didn't speak. "You're too kind and forgiving." _Onegai Kagome, just once more…_ he sighed, knowing he was already messing things up, but unable to find the words to say what he felt. He used his actions to express himself usually, but he knew this time he'd have to talk his way into her good graces again. He hissed as her aura spiked and brushed against him, forcing him to move away with a curse.

"Damn it, Kagome! It's not an insult! I don't want you to be like her…" He tried, in vain, to soothe her with his youki, only to end up being 'slapped' for his efforts. Punching the ground, he crouched a couple feet away and growled as the reins on his temper began to slip. She needed to listen and she was going to whether she wanted to or not. Unfortunately he couldn't just grab her and shake some sense into her like he wanted to do… among other things. Not until she calmed enough so her aura didn't attack him.

Kagome instantly regretted 'slapping' him away, mentally cringing at her cruelty, but unwilling to allow him an opportunity to break her defenses apart. She'd spent months learning to wear a mask solely for this purpose - to keep Inuyasha away; to prevent anyone else, especially him, from learning her secret. She couldn't back down from this no matter how much it hurt. She just had to keep reminding herself that when it was all over she would have fulfilled his wish and thus allowed him to make a second wish. And that's all that really mattered… Inuyasha's happiness.

She stiffened when Inuyasha growled, lifting her gaze to meet his thinking he was growling at her. But he was looking at the cave entrance with a dark scowl and when she followed his line of sight she gasped, while silently cursing herself for missing the intruder's approach.

"Kouga!"

**A/N: **

Well email is back on track…for now. I'm so thrilled about it that I'm releasing chapter 12 earlier than planned. So don't expect 13 for a week or two due to the usual.. work… baby… lol.

Wrote a commission piece for my solitary faithful reviewer, InuyashasLoveLorn, "Solitude"… her request got me wondering if I could pull it off. Tell me what you think eh? Also looking for a second beta…. Midioriko-sama is awesome, but she does have collage and I think it might help having another beta to take off the stress for her. Not to mention I should be starting my second fic shortly… check my profile for more info on upcoming stories.

_Shameless Fic Plug – Got a fic you think more people should know about? Let me know, I'll 'plug' it. LOL_

_Featured Shameless Plug – Soul Therapy by dolphingirl0113_

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Reviewers MMorg

Inuyasha-lovers (wheeeeee! Thanks!)

InuyashasLoveLorn (Thanks for the commission! Glad to see I met your expectations and then some.)

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Drake Clawfang Strike Redkite (Interesting… hope you had tissues handy for this one ) Fanficluc7Inu (Thanks!) Trekker4life uniquechic dizappearingirl (mwahahahaha!) renegade-demon545 karen (I try to update once a week, but more like every two weeks now) SangoHiwatari


	12. Friction Part Two

**Chapter 12 – Friction: Part Two**

Kagome quickly rose to her feet, paying no heed to the haori that fell from her shoulders as she made her way towards the wolf youkai. He stood in the entrance, soaked, with a wary expression in his eyes as she approached him. She feared he must hate her for what she'd done, but he made no move to lash out or leave. She stopped a couple feet away, gnawing on her bottom lip as she tried to think of a way to let him know he was still her friend. The dilemma was taken from her hands when he suddenly smirked.

"Hey Kagome. Dog-shit been taken care of you?"

Without thinking she flung herself at him and wrapped him in a fierce hug, unable to stop the tears, relieved that he'd forgiven her. Less a minute had passed before Kouga gently unwound her arms from his neck and stepped back with a perplexed smile on his face.

"Why, Kagome?"

Kagome looked away, wrapping her arms around her middle as she thought back to what she'd done to him nearly three weeks ago. She hadn't wanted to attack Kouga, but he'd been so stubborn and completely ignored what she was saying.

"You weren't listening…"

"I was listening, Kagome," Kouga smiled ruefully. "I just wasn't expecting it to be you who came after me."

Kagome blinked in surprise and regarded Kouga in a new light. He'd been deliberately goading her? No, not her… _Inuyasha._

"But he…"

"Hasn't been good for a fight in months. I don't know what happened, but he changed when you left. Guess his claim was real after all."

"Claim?" She looked confused. First Sesshoumaru and now Kouga. What was it with male youkai and 'claims'?

Kouga chuckled and shook his head. "Dog-shit better treat you right or I'll beat his ass." He looked over her shoulder briefly. "Speaking of mutt-face, I think I've pissed him off enough. I'll be seeing you, Kagome."

Without another word, he took off into the rain once more, apparently not caring that he was getting wet again. Then again, being youkai meant no sickness… well, no _human_ sicknesses anyway. At least she'd cleared things with Kouga about being 'his' woman.

She let out a sigh and braced herself for the impending wrath of a hanyou, but when she turned around she was met with emptiness. Not sure where he'd gone and really not up to finding out, she opted to wait where she was, figuring he'd come sulking back once Kouga's scent faded. Only after she gave the darkness of the cave another look did she noticed that her pack, along with his haori, were gone. And the firewood pile was small….

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

She was huddled near the fire when Inuyasha finally returned. Staring at the rain, thinking he'd slipped past her earlier, she was unprepared for his approach from the rear of the cave and shrieked when he touched her shoulder. With her heart hammering erratically, she took a deep breath as she pinned him with a look that told him he'd scared her. He had the grace to flatten his ears and look away. She still wasn't in the mood to talk to him and let him know it by turning her back on him once more, figuring he'd just leave her be as he usually did when she gave him the cold shoulder.

She gave another shriek when she found herself tossed unceremoniously over his shoulder and held securely. Her pleas to be put down went unanswered and he simply grunted when she began pounding on his back. As they headed further into the cave, she was left to watch the light of the campfire slowly fade out of sight. She panicked briefly when complete darkness closed in and kicked him, earning herself a warning pressure squeeze of his claws on the back of her thigh.

It seemed forever before light returned and he stopped, dropping to one knee to set her on her feet. He gripped her shoulders with a scowl as she opened her mouth to yell at him and spun her about. All arguments died on her lips at the sight that greeted her eyes. Now she knew where her pack had gone and what he'd been doing while she talked with Kouga.

Deep in the cave rested a natural hot spring that looked to be barely hot enough to create wisps of steam. But that wasn't what stunned her into silence. Near what appeared to be the only way into the spring, were the candles she carried in case of emergencies; all twelve of them lit to give off enough light to see by. Along with her bathing towels and supplies laid out at the waters edge. _He_ had done this? For her?

She wanted so badly to accept his kindness and let things go back to the way they were before. She could feel her heart breaking as she forced herself to turn and glare angrily at him. She had to push him away or she would break.

"You could have asked for the towels and soap."

He gaped at her in complete disbelief. He'd gone through all that, even restrained himself from attaching Kouga, and instead of a thank you she was yelling at him? His last thread of control snapped and with a harsh growl he picked her up and bodily tossed her into the spring, flattening his ears against the indignant scream she uttered as she went flying. The sound echoed for a brief moment as she went under. She emerged sputtering and looking fit to kill.

"Damnit Kagome! I'm trying! What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to leave me alone!" She screamed as she strode towards the shore.

He deliberately waded in to his knees, preventing her from leaving. He was sick and tired of whatever game she was playing. They were going to have it out, even if it killed him. Not literally of course; he knew she'd never strike a killing blow, but the sight of her soaked to the skin with her clothing sticking to her in such a delicious way… now _that_ might kill him.

"I've left you alone for three weeks, wench!" He crossed his arms over his chest. "And I had to leave you alone for six months before that! This time you _will_ listen." Not sure if her silence was a sign of her tolerance or agreement, he let out a sigh as he took the opportunity to try and get through to her. Hopefully he wouldn't screw things up, but he never was good at expressing himself vocally. Unless he was pissed, of course, and right now he was ticked enough to want to give her a good shake.

"You're nothing like Kikyou," he began.

Kagome blanched at his words, trying to tell herself that he wasn't saying it to be cruel, but she knew he was right. She was nothing like Kikyou; she was foolish, clumsy, defenseless and weak just to name a few. All of which he'd called her at least once while in comparison with her incarnation. She would never measure up and she'd given up months ago even trying to do so. The defense lessons had not been to emulate Kikyou, but rather to better protect herself and later to boost her confidence and resolve in her decision to grant one of Inuyasha's wishes.

Inuyasha could have kicked himself once the words were out of his mouth. He'd said it wrong again. It seemed like any time he tried to tell Kagome that he didn't see her as a copy, but as her own person, he screwed things up. Kagome was Kagome and no one else, even if she was Kikyou's reincarnation. There were similarities in looks, archery talents and even miko powers, but it was there the similarities ended. Kagome was sunlight and spring, laughter and happiness. Beneath the false scent of her soaps, she smelled of blooming flowers in a meadow just after a spring rain.

But she'd changed since her return. She was still Kagome, but now she was so much more and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing. She still laughed and smiled, but it never reached her eyes. It was as though she held herself back, afraid to let herself go as she once used to and he, quite frankly, missed that about her. He missed the gentle way she would smile at him when he was stubborn and arguing with her over the silliest of things. The way she would laugh at Miroku's plight when Sango smacked him and called him a pervert. He missed the sense of contented calm she had whenever she sat near him or held Shippou. Damnit, he flat out missed any attention she would have given him.

"I mean you can't be her…" he flinched. _Wrong again._

"You're not her replacement…" _Try another one, dumb ass._

"Just because you share a soul…" _Not a good reminder…_

"No, Inuyasha. I don't want to hear you compare us."

Inuyasha sputtered. "What! You think I'm comparing you to her? I can't… that is…" He uncrossed his arms and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "There is no comparison, Kagome." _I may as well permanently stick my foot in my mouth… I'm fucking up royally now._

"Don't, Inuyasha." Kagome looked pale and stricken, holding up a hand in a physical action to stop his words. "Just…don't."

"Kagome…"

"No!" She shook her head and took a step back. "You've said enough."

He started forward, halting two steps later as the scent of her fear assaulted his nose. She didn't retreat, but the fear didn't lessen when he stopped either. He frowned and took another step; her fear spiked. _What the hell?_ She'd never been afraid of him before, not like this anyway. But it seemed that she was afraid of him getting close to her, which was odd since he'd been at least this close in the past week. With a thoughtful frown, he retreated to the water's edge, relieved to see her relax once he was out of the water.

"You know…I can't protect you if you keep running away."

Kagome jerked as if she'd been shot and took a step back, eyes wide. "Kikyou can see…"

"This isn't about the shards, Kagome." His voice was calm, even. He simply stood at the edge and watched her, neither advancing or retreating. "What have I done to make you fear me? Did I hurt you somehow?" He cast down his eyes, but not before he could hide the flash of pain in them. "Did I fail to protect you?"

When she didn't answer, he dared a glance at her and froze. She turned her back on him… She was doing more than ignoring him. She was dismissing him; showing that she was through listening and his words didn't matter. He could feel another piece of his heart shatter as he silently implored her to turn around, but the longer he stared, the more it felt like he was being given the cold shoulder. Resigned, he turned away and headed back towards the cave opening. As much as it pained him, he would honor her request and leave her alone, but he knew it wouldn't last. He would eventually succumb to that small voice in his mind. The one that told him to hold her and never let go.

He stood at the cave mouth and sniffed the air, picking up the lingering trace of Kouga amidst the rain. He hadn't attacked the wolf because he'd seen the self-loathing in Kagome after what she'd done to the wolf. He knew she would want to make amends for it and as much as it galled him to do so, he'd stayed put. Until it had been Kouga who broke the hug, which to him meant that Kagome had not been ready to release the mangy wolf. And so he'd taken her pack, deciding to do something special for her. Something to tell her he was sorry. Perhaps he'd read her wrong. Perhaps the others had been mistaken about Kagome's affections. Another piece of his heart broke as he realized what he had to do next, because it wasn't fair to deny her anything.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

She waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps before she broke down. She fell to her knees in the shallow water as she gave in to her grief and cried for the pain she was causing. It broke her heart to hear him question his own abilities, to question her trust in him. She had wanted so badly to tell him why she was so afraid. To tell him she was afraid of what she'd done and _would_ have to do or worse, afraid that he'd hate her for it, even if with her behavior she knew she was irrevocably pushing him away from her just the same.

Rising, she turned and felt the tears begin anew as she took in the sight of the candles once more. He was trying so hard to be kind to her and all she was doing to repay the gesture was hurt him. But for every kindness bestowed, there were also the harsh words demeaning her. Remembering those words gave her the strength to keep him at bay and continue with her own personal quest. Yet it had been less than a month and he was already wearing down her defenses.

She needed to find Kikyou quickly and resolve this dilemma. As if the mere thought of her incarnation were the trigger, pain erupted in her chest, sending her to hands and knees with a scream. She pressed her right hand against the hole just above her heart; her scream dying into a painful whimper. She'd barely managed to rise back to her feet, intending on getting out of the water, when Inuyasha came barreling into sight, her name a harsh cry on his lips.

"Kagome!"

"Inu… yasha…" she gasped out softly. _Just once. I'll give in just this once…_

Inuyasha didn't give her a chance to protest as he caught her up in his arms and headed back to the fire, briefly stopping to snag her pack. He didn't know what was going on, but he wasn't going to let her ignore him about this. He knew what she held her right hand over, but he prayed he was wrong about how it came to be there and what it was possibly doing to her. But given what he was smelling, it wasn't likely.

_Damn…why do you smell of Naraku's miasma?_

**A/N:**

Well I'm releasing this tonight since I'm in such a good mood that Midi's email seems to have cooperated for once.

Chapter 13 is going to be out in a week or two. I'm in the process of tweaking it before shipping it off to Midi.

Mucho gracias to all my regular reviewers and the couple of new ones!

Sorry for not naming you all, but it's 11pm and I need to get up early with my baby.

You'll get your "5 minutes of fame" next chapter LOL

Myste


	13. Miasma

**Chapter 13 – Miasma**

Other than the rain, the only sound within the cave was Kagome's labored breathing. Inuyasha was glad that she hadn't protested when he had picked her up and still hadn't. He took it as a good sign, despite their words earlier. When she'd screamed he hadn't thought twice about rushing to her side, to protect her. It was only now, as he returned to the fire with her cradled in his arms, that he remembered the decision he'd come to earlier. A decision he was quickly discarding because he there was no way he was going to give up on her now that he'd admitted, at least to himself, the depth of his feelings for her.

Picking the wall closest to the fire, he dropped down, cross-legged and leaned against the wall, settling Kagome in his lap, leaning against him. He knew that to barrage her with questions right now wasn't what she needed. He was simply content for the moment to enjoy the silence and concentrate on gathering little bits of information so he could ask the right questions later.

The first thing he assessed was her breathing; it was shallow, sharp and obviously one of pain. Something he could do nothing about unless he knew the cause of it, but he had a sinking feeling he wouldn't be able to help even then. She was also crying; not the kind of crying she did over injuries or harsh words, but the silent kind that told him the pain ran deep. Instead of sobs, she whimpered so softly that had he not been inu-hanyou he may have never heard it. Both the tears and the whimpers tore at his heart and he wrapped her in his arms, offering what comfort he could, silently telling her that he was there for her.

Next, he used his eyes to find what his ears couldn't. She wasn't showing any signs of physical injury that he could see, but he knew from experience that injuries weren't always visible. She had curled in on herself, despite sitting in his lap, somewhat burying her face in his chest although he could still see her eyes shut tightly as though the action alone would stave off whatever caused her pain. He could also see the trail of old tears and beginnings of new ones beneath her lashes. Without really thinking about it, he reached up with his free hand and gently brushed away the gathering tears. For one brief moment he was elated as she leaned into his hand, then, seeming to realize what she was doing, stiffened and pulled away.

Removing his hand, he closed his eyes and stifled a sigh at her blatant rejection. _Have I truly been so awful? Is it really too late?_

The immediate scent that assaulted him was the miasma and he had to restrain the urge to growl. She wasn't Naraku, and the bastard hadn't laid a hand on her because she didn't smell of him, but the scent of the miasma was unmistakable. Just the same, he hugged her a little closer, damning himself for not preventing whatever had caused her to smell like that.

He was relieved that there was no scent of blood on her, ruling out physical injuries for now. He buried his nose in her hair, half out of desperation and half needing reassurance that she was still untouched, still Kagome, still…_his_. The sweet scent of a meadow in spring wafted about her, the scent that he'd come to identify as solely Kagome's. No other smelled like her; even in life Kikyou had a scent that reminded him of winter. He quickly tossed out the thought of Kikyou; this wasn't about her, it was about Kagome.

Another deep sniff brought his own scent to his nose and he lifted his head in puzzlement. He'd been able to smell this off her earlier, but now… it was strongest in her hair and that alone was puzzling. Why would her hair smell so strongly of him when he hadn't touched her until the tengu attacked? Without regards to any protest Kagome might decide to make, he tugged the strip of cloth binding the end of her braid free and sniffed it once. _My haori!_ She'd either ripped it off or collected it from one of his many fights. But why… why use it to tie back her hair? While pondering the question, he slowly slid his claws into her braid, undoing it with a gentleness that belied his true intentions.

It was more than a mere strip of cloth that made her smell of him and it was coming from her hair… more precisely that hair near her neck. When, at last, the braid was undone, he ran his hand through the length of it as a makeshift comb. When he encountered a tangle at the nape of her neck, he grunted as Kagome jammed her elbow into his stomach in an attempt to get away. Tightening his grip around her, he slowly removed his hand from the tangle, blindly tracing the edges to determine how to unknot it as he tried to apologize for hurting her.

"It's knotted…"

Somehow it didn't soothe her as he'd expected and she only intensified her struggles, which in turn worsened his attempts to smooth out the knot. After a solid minute of her wiggling, which, had it been under different circumstances would have had him thinking of things best done without clothing, he snapped and let out a short, harsh bark. The effect was immediate as she stilled and dared a glance up at him. To another inu-youkai the command would have been easily interpreted as 'stop'. To a human, however, the sound was translatable, but it did make them stop to discern what the noise was.

With a sigh he resumed his ministrations, trying to ignore her eyes on him. Whatever was in her hair had her frightened; her fear was palpable. As the knot finally gave way, he slowly pulled his claws through to smooth it out and froze. There, wrapped around his fingers, were several strands of silver hair… _his hair._ No wonder she was scared… _Well… it certainly explains why she smells like me…_

Lost in his contemplation what exactly his findings meant, he didn't notice Kagome look away. _He'll surely ask me about it…and he'll hate me for it if I tell him why._ Kagome stared at the leg her own legs were draped over, wondering how she could get herself out of this mess. Giving in to her desire to be held was probably the biggest mistake of the night. He'd never let her go now.

"I see what he meant now…" came the soft whisper near her ear as he buried his face in her hair once more.

She gulped, wishing she could avoid this, but knowing she couldn't. "Wh..who?" She ground out over the pain.

"Sesshoumaru…" he sighed. She'd probably gotten the hairs from her brush when he'd dared to let down his guard and let her brush his hair when no one was around. He brought his hand around to show her the hairs and the strip of cloth.

"Why, Kagome? You push me away and yet you carry my scent… why?"

_Scent? It wasn't about scents…I just wanted… _she sniffed, trying to stave off a fresh wave of tears.

"Remembrance," she whispered, hanging her head in shame.

"Remembrance?" He questioned, his tone clearly telling her he wasn't sure what she meant by that.

She nodded slowly, refusing to meet his gaze when he tried to tilt her head up. "I wanted something… to remind me of you. So I'd always have a piece of you with me…" She still spoke in whispers, afraid to raise her voice, too ashamed of being found out. _I must seem like some crazy stalker…_

"Remembrance…" he spoke with understanding as she felt him shift and reach into his haori. "Like these are for me."

Since he wasn't shoving whatever it was under her face, she forced herself to look up and gasped in shock at the sight of the kotodama rosary wrapped around his fingers. He obviously couldn't bear to be parted from it when she'd snapped it. _Of course,_ she thought bitterly. _How could he? They're Kikyou's…_ She bit her lip and looked away, whimpering from the combined pain of memories and the hole in her chest.

Inuyasha didn't think twice as he reacted to her whimpering by grasping the left strap of her sleeveless shirt and pulling it down just enough to reveal the hole that sat on the crest of her breast, over her heart. When she gasped and made to pull up the strap, he grabbed her wrist and growled softly; wordlessly telling her to be still and let him look, that he wasn't going to hurt her. She didn't relax, but she didn't attempt to move either and he allowed himself to focus fully on the 'wound'.

It was larger than last time, or perhaps it only seemed that way since he'd only seen it at a distance before. Releasing the shirt, he gently touched the edges, faintly surprised that the miasma didn't hurt him, nor reach out to absorb him. He'd seen firsthand how quickly Naraku's miasma could bring down a youkai, but this, if his guess was correct, seemed to be agonizingly slow in its spreading. The last time he'd seen this particular type of miasma-inflicted wound had been on Kikyou over two years ago. Had Kagome somehow taken the wound into herself when she'd healed Kikyou?

"Kagome," he struggled to keep himself calm and not over-react by yelling at her for not telling him about this. "How did you get this?"

_It is a physical manifestation of the wound upon your soul._

"Stupidity."

He blinked. "Huh?"

"I just did it without thinking… I wasn't trained enough…" She sighed as she spoke and he could tell she didn't really want to be talking about this, but probably knew that he wouldn't let it rest without an explanation. "Instead of healing her, I made a trade."

"Trade?" He whispered, praying that it wasn't what he was thinking.

She nodded, still refusing to look at him. "Another piece of my soul."

Inuyasha felt as if the floor had dropped out from under him and he'd had the wind knocked out of him simultaneously. For a long moment he could simply sit there in shock before his brain kicked back into gear and he twisted her about to force her to look up at him.

"What the hell were you thinking!" He half growled, half yelled at her.

"What?" Her eyes flashed angrily as she pushed against him, trying to get him to release her, but only succeeding in making him tighten his grip. "I did it for you! I thought it would make you happy! I'm always thinking of you!" Her words ended on a combination of harsh cry and a moan, as if she hadn't meant to say those things and yet saying them had somehow hurt.

"Not if it hurts you!"

"Baka! She would have died!" She bowed her head as she gave in to the tears. "I didn't know I screwed up until a month later…"

He gaped at her in disbelief, unable to keep the anguish from spilling into his words. "That was more than two years ago! Why didn't you tell me?"

"You can't fix everything, Inuyasha. This was my burden to bear. I didn't want to shadow your happiness. And I really didn't want you to find out."

"I can't protect you if you don't talk to me…"

"Kikyou doesn't speak to you and you protect her," she ground out bitterly.

He restrained the urge to nip her for her insolence and settled for flicking her ear lightly with his fingers. "That's not what I meant, bitch. Stop being so stubborn and _listen_!"

Kagome jerked her head away, glaring at him for flicking her ear. "I might if you actually had something to say that's _worth_ listening to," she said angrily.

He frowned. "I've half a mind to smack some sense into you. Are you trying to piss me off?"

"Oh, yes. I just _live_ to please you." She snorted and looked away, wishing she could cross her arms for full effect, but unable to do so with Inuyasha still pining her arms.

_That's it!_

He released a frustrated growl as he turned her face back towards him and crashed his lips against hers. He'd meant to punish her with his kiss, to show her his dominance, but found himself lost the moment he tasted her. He cradled her face between his hands as he eased the pressure, nipping softly at her bottom lip and earning a gasp for his efforts. Taking advantage of the moment, he flicked his tongue against her upper lip, and then kissed her once more. She tasted like sweet fruit and sunshine, starlight and honey; an addicting combination he didn't want to let go.

She never expected such a reaction and for a moment was too stunned to react to his kiss. She told herself she should push him away; slap him, anything to break the kiss. But when he nipped her bottom lip, she gasped and all rational thought vanished as she gave in to her desires. She had wanted him for years and if this were all she would obtain from him then she would take what he offered and damn the consequences. He was earth and pine, wind and rain; his kiss was as intoxicating as his scent and she knew she would never forget it. The thought alone brought more tears to her eyes and all too soon, it seemed, the kiss ended.

He was breathing heavily as he pulled back, gently licking the tears from the corners of her eyes before resting his forehead against hers. He hadn't meant to lose control like that, but she had provoked him one too many times for him to keep ignoring her. And given the choice of either kissing her senseless or shaking her, he'd opted for the kiss, not thinking about any possible repercussions for doing it. She had yet to yell at him, so he took it as a good sign that perhaps she'd wanted the kiss as much as he had.

Pulling her shirt strap back into place, he tucked her against him as he leaned back against the wall and wrapped his arms around her. He had thought earlier to let her go, thinking she wanted that boy back in her time, Hobo or something, or even the wimpy wolf, Kouga. He'd been willing to give up the claim he'd laid on her over a year ago, but after kissing her… after her eager response… He knew he would be insane to give up so easily. Things weren't resolved completely between them, but it was a start and he'd learned something new. Her scent had shifted during the kiss and he'd nearly whined at what it meant. He wasn't sure about love, but she was certainly attracted, and that was a start, wasn't it?

* * *

**A/N: **

Holy Tripe! It appears my muse found me during my son's naptime today since I cranked this one out in 3 hours! Enjoy cuz 14 will probably evade me for a week in retaliation LOL I can be found on AIM (LadyKiseki) and Yahoo (artisticmoon) if anyone cares to talk.

And if you want to see what happens when you combine Adam Sandler w/ Inuyasha, then check this out!

Warning! Do NOT consume beverages while watching….

http / venus . walagata . com / w / saiyukii / ifeelpretty . swf

_Shameless Fic Plug – Got a fic you think more people should know about? Let me know, I'll 'plug' it. LOL_

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She's in my fav list on ffnet

* * *

**Reviewers **

**MMorg**

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**FFnet**

Sorceress of Dragons (Thanks for such a wonderful review! You're Kikyou question was briefly touched on at the end of Chapter 8, but I hope I explained it further in this chapter.) --- Drake Clawfang --- dizappearingirl (Conflict and tension lol) --- Raithya (Wheee! I'm an "Original" lol) --- trekker4life --- Strike Redkite (hands over another box of tissues)


	14. Internal Affairs

**Chapter 14 - Internal Affairs**

Inuyasha was ready to climb the walls by the next night. As if being trapped in the cave for another day because of the rain wasn't bad enough, Kagome had reverted back to giving him the cold shoulder. She'd fallen asleep in his arms last night, but come morning she'd pushed at him until he had let her go and refused to let him close ever since. While she made use of the hot spring, he braved the downpour to vent his frustration on a couple of trees. He had no qualms about the rain, but he wouldn't risk Kagome's health and so had to stay in the cave until it let up.

He'd even gone so far as to deliberately provoke Kagome into arguing with him, pulling a few stunts and comments that should have at least earned him a sit or two. Yet she kept silent and he could tell she'd wanted to plant his face into the earth repeatedly. Perhaps she thought the spell was still gone? Truthfully, the spell too had disintegrated with the breaking of the rosary, but he had gone to Kaede and requested the spell be replaced. He knew it was one of the things that allowed Kagome to trust him so completely and should the spell be lifted for good, he wanted it to be because Kagome willingly did so. And when that day came, he knew that it was because she trusted him without it.

He had been trying, prior to that awful argument, to keep his put-downs to a minimum and not argue so much when she needed to return to her time. He had even let her go without an argument several times, on the condition that she would return within a certain amount of time or of him going with her. In his own way, he was showing her that he could be reasonable and wasn't nearly so much of an ass as he used to be. But then he'd gone and really messed things up that day. An unexpected summons from Kikyou that resulted in a very unpleasant conversation with the undead miko, combined with the strain of trying to ignore the fact that Kagome had gone into heat the day before… it had been enough to push him over the edge and he'd taken it out on the one person who didn't deserve it the most.

Sighing, he brought his thoughts back to the present, stripping the final piece of wet bark from the tree he had drug inside. Earlier he had to bite back a comment about her acting as cold as Kikyou, reminding himself that it would only screw up what little progress he had made the night before. What was that saying of Kagome's? Ah, yes… one step forward, two steps back. _Speaking of steps…_

He picked up the faint footfalls that signaled Kagome's return from her bath. A moment later her scent surrounded him and he fought back the urge to whine in combined pleasure and disappointment. Her scent was a wondrous thing to him, enticing and sweet, but her aura, like her current demeanor, was cold and untouchable. More than anything, he wanted to just hold her. There had been many things he had discovered about himself, Kagome and their odd relationship while she'd been gone.

Those six months without her had taught him a cruel lesson… he _needed _her. She was his stability when he was at war with himself, his anchor when his youkai blood threatened to take over, and most importantly, his home. No matter how many times Kikyou would call, it was to _Kagome_ that he would always return. All their arguments had seemed so petty once he was left alone with only his memory for company.

_Will you let me stay?_

When he had taken the time to analyze his memories that had been his first clue into Kagome's heart. She had told him that she tried to forget about him, but couldn't because she wanted to be with him. And he'd let her stay, unable to say no, because he had wanted her to stay too. He had been torn in two that day, and nearly every day since then. Both women had his promise of protection, yet only one remained by his side and allowed him to fulfill that promise. Kikyou had always all but avoided him and he'd had to be honest with himself. It hadn't always been Kikyou calling him with her Shinidama-chuu; it had been him chasing after a memory in an attempt to rekindle the affection he'd mistaken for love.

It had been three years since Kagome had freed him, but for that first year it felt as if no time had passed since he'd been sealed. It had taken all of that year for him to reorient himself with the world and its changes, as well as the changes within Kikyou. There had been a grudging friendship between them fifty years ago and if not for Naraku, they might have one day learned to trust each other. But Fate must have had other plans because it had sent him Kagome, and through her he found acceptance for who, not what, he was. He'd been able to forget Kikyou until her resurrection and then he'd done nothing but continuously hurt the one person who didn't shy from his touch; who usually was the one always touching him.

And now…_Now I'm left craving the one touch that has turned against me…_

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Kagome was in turmoil, to say the least. She'd been trying all day to somehow convince herself that the kiss had meant nothing; that he'd done it merely out of… well whatever it was that made him do it. Sure, she'd provoked him with a reference to his protectiveness over the undead miko, but a tiny part of her told her that Kikyou had not been on his mind. If it had, would his youki have reached out for her, brushing against her aura in a combination of gentle dominance? She doubted he knew he'd even done such a thing.

If that wasn't bad enough, last night's events had her doubting the course of action she'd decided to take about Kikyou. There were things she needed to know now, things only the Guardian could answer. And while she had a way to communicate, she wasn't about to do it with Inuyasha nearby. Especially when he'd been trying his damnedest to get close to her all day.

She had nearly chewed a hole in her cheek from biting it so many times to restrain the impulse to 'sit' him…repeatedly. At first she had figured he was just being his usual ornery self because she had gone back to ignoring him. By mid-day she had known he was doing it on purpose, trying to get a reaction out of her. She wasn't sure if the subjugation spell was still on the rosary, but she wasn't about to find out. Over the six months of self-imposed 'banishment', she'd learned a lot about herself.

With a sigh she closed her eyes and leaned against the rim of the hot spring. There had been the way she'd treated Hojo and Kouga, showing them friendship despite their attempts to date or mate her. She'd been so afraid to hurt their feelings by declining, that she allowed them to think they stood a chance every time she befriended them. Her training with Hitomi had helped give her the courage to take responsibility for her allowances and kindly, but firmly tell the two males that she couldn't be with them.

_My heart has always belonged to another…_

The thought of her heart caused her to look down at the hole she'd taken into herself when she had botched the attempt to heal Kikyou. She hadn't lied when she'd given her reasons to him. She hadn't been sure if she would succeed, but to do nothing would have gone against her very nature. Not to mention she couldn't have born to see him waste away in sadness. The image of his haunted face when he'd thought Kikyou was dead a second time had been the memory that spurred her into saving Kikyou, knowing that it would only continue to cause heartache for herself in doing such an act. But it would have caused further heartache for Inuyasha had she not done it.

_Kikyou will always be first. And why not? She was his first love after all and no one can compete with that._

As was routine more and more lately, the thought of the undead miko left Kagome with a bitter outlook and an aching heart. Even throughout everything Kikyou had done to her and Inuyasha, she still found it hard to hate her incarnation. Kikyou was simply trying to fulfill a destiny she felt was unfinished, failing to acknowledge that Kagome had been allowed through the well to pick up where Kikyou left off. To acknowledge that it was Kagome whom destiny had chosen to fix the wrongs and heal the broken spirits of those Naraku had hurt.

Miroku. Sango. Shippou. Inuyasha.

One by one she had collected them all and glued them into a rag-tag family of sorts, at first without realizing the connection to herself at all. Little by little she brought them out of their shells and gave them hope that their dreams would be realized. For them all it was the death of Naraku, but each reward was different. For Miroku it ensured the end of his curse and the chance to finally marry. An avenged death for Shippou meant he could finally let go of the past and live. For Sango it was two-fold; an oath fulfilled, but possibly the loss of Kohaku again. But Kagome knew the taijiya would sooner see her brother laid to rest, than alive in torment and pain.

Inuyasha… for him the reward was the greatest. Retribution for the deception of him and his love; freedom for his beloved miko from the burden of hate; and most importantly, a wish. Whether it would be a wish to become human for Kikyou or a full-demon or any other wish, Kagome wouldn't know. In a sense she would know, but she wouldn't be there to see it firsthand.

Disgusted with the way her thought were headed, she rose out of the water and quickly dried herself off. She'd been in long enough to turn into a prune; any longer would probably find her arguing with an irate hanyou, and avoiding any and all conversation with him was what she wanted to be doing right now. She dressed slowly, lingering over the process so as to give herself enough time to put her mask of indifference back in place. But it didn't fit as securely as before; just the thought of that kiss had it slipping. As she returned to the cave entrance, she knew that her masquerade wouldn't last for very long before she lost her nerve and told Fate to take a hike. Her clock was suddenly ticking faster.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Sesshoumaru was in hot water… literally. After speaking to the miko, the sudden rainstorm had forced him to find shelter for his human charge. He cared little if he'd been soaked by the storm, but humans were too easily sickened by the elements. Thankfully he had remembered the home of an allied family of tanuki-youkai and reached it before the storm had really let loose. The tanuki children were happily entertaining Rin, having no problems with humans since many of them had been serving humankind for generations, while he gave in to his one guilty pleasure… hot baths. It eased the muscles and somehow helped him think clearer.

That human miko had given him no more information than the undead one had. Then again, why would she bother to tell him anything since all she knew of him was his intent to kill his half-brother? And yet he continuously not only spared Inuyasha's life, but helped him as well. He was serious when he'd told them that he would be the only one to kill Inuyasha. He had made a promise long ago to Chichi-ue, prior to learning about Izayoi's pregnancy, swearing to protect the family line.

He frowned as he idly gazed at the markings on his wrist. The mark of a full-blooded youkai, a true son; Inuyasha too had such markings, but only when forced into a transformation. He'd beheld such a feat only twice, but he had to admit that he never wanted to see such a sight again. Such a disgrace to Chichi-ue's blood, but then what could he really expect from a filthy hanyou? _That 'filthy hanyou' accomplished what no youkai ever had, _his consciousness nagged at him. He spared a brief glance to what remained of his left arm. Like any wound, it was healing, but such a grievous wound would take years to heal. Sometimes he wondered if fate was laughing at him.

_Fate._

He growled at the image that one word brought to mind and wished he could physically remove the memory. _She_ had believed in fate too, but fate had shattered him when it took her and replaced her with a sword, like some damned consolation prize. The bitter event was etched into his memory and it had sealed the wall around his heart. Yet it had only taken a mere human child to put a tiny crack in that wall; a child who, alarmingly, looked like a younger version of _her._

And if his suspicions were correct, _she_ was the reason the undead miko was running as if hell was at her heels.

**A/N: **

There's nothing sadder than watching the hit counter drop so drastically between the first and current chapters. On ff it went from 208 to 20, MM was 250ish down to 25… not to mention review drops, although my constant reviewers keep me smiling and it is for them that I released this chapter before the weekend. Oh well, my beta has given me a few pointers to keep people intrigued and I'll implement them in my next story and in revisions of Fated Existence. I'm nixing the "Shameless Fic Plug" since people can simply find new authors/stories via my FFnet account.

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dizappearingirl

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	15. Revelation

**Chapter 15 – Revelation**

Two days after the rain had begun, it eased up enough to allow two irritable figures to emerge from the cave they had occupied for the rain's duration. One carried an aloof indifference about her, while her companion looked ready to either throttle or kiss the woman. His attempts to engage her in conversation fell flat, seeing as she never bothered to even acknowledge his presence, let alone his voice. Yet, if he had been standing before her, he might have seen the pain in her gaze.

Kagome was running out of time; she had to find Kikyou soon before she let the cat out of the bag. True, she was being crueler than usual to Inuyasha, but if she wanted any chance of keeping her self-imposed bargain she had to keep him away. That morning she had decided her next plan of attack, and was glad for the let-up in the rain because it allowed her to implement her decision quickly. No doubt they would spend the remainder of the day in the village where the others were holed up, stocking up on supplies and getting in one last day of rest.

She couldn't allow Inuyasha to follow her, so it seemed that luck, or fate, was on her side when the rain had trickled to a stop. She was going to have to take advantage of Inuyasha's 'muffled' senses during the night of the new moon, to confront the one person who had placed her in such a position. She could feel the walls she'd built against Inuyasha diminishing with each new day, and after what he'd done for her in the cave… the wall was barely existent anymore. How was she supposed to be brave and give him the one wish that was within her power to grant if all she saw was candlelight?

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

When the rain had ceased during the second night, Sango had refused to sleep, thinking their missing friends would take the rain's respite to get into more reliable and comfortable shelter. Miroku caught her yawning around midnight and coerced her into resting for a few hours by promising to take her place waiting up for their friends. The promise had been upheld for two hours before he succumbed to sleep as well.

They awoke almost simultaneously; he with a silly grin on his face, and she with cheeks tinged in embarrassment at being caught sleeping on his chest. Promised or not, it simply wasn't done before the vows were final… or so she'd been told. She had watched other couples in the passing years and until she had met Kagome, none of the women she had seen were openly affectionate with their men.

Kagome's influence within their group had begun to rub off after prolonged exposure and Sango, for one, wasn't unhappy with the results. Sango was a product of her era and as such, she had a hard time showing her feelings, doubly so as a taijiya. Before her village had been slaughtered, she had believed she would marry within her clan since it was hard for those outside their profession to understand their ways. But now… now she had to look elsewhere if she wanted a family.

Never would she have even dreamed of falling for something that was, by law, forbidden. That alone had been something to work her mind around. While it was not common, it wasn't exactly _uncommon_ for monks to marry. Miroku would not be in existence if not for his father's marriage and she may have never discovered the pleasure, and pain, of loving someone so completely.

She finally overcame her embarrassment when he placed a gentle kiss to her brow and bid her a soft "Good Morning." Smiling, she pushed herself off the 'houshi-pillow' and glanced around. The smile was quickly lost when she noticed they still lacked two members of their group. Judging from the shadows on the tatami it was about mid-morning; she hoped they were on their way now. Pleasant as it was to have time alone with her betrothed, she still worried for the pair she'd come to view as siblings.

By mid-day she caught the faint telltale sounds of Inuyasha's bickering but, if Kagome was answering she was being quiet about it. Sango opted to simply wait on the steps of the inn with Shippou and Kirara, not wanting to venture into volatile territory just yet. She had to admire Kagome though; not many would have put up with Inuyasha's foul mouth and behavior for as long as the miko had. Personally, she probably would have knocked him back to Musashi for the rude comments he was currently slinging. But as they came into view she could see why he was being, for lacking of a better term, an ass.

Kagome walked before him and judging from her posture she was completely ignoring the hanyou. _No wonder he's spouting insults_, Sango thought. She was about to wave a greeting when she caught sight of the kotodama rosary resting openly on his chest. That had to mean Kagome knew the rosary was still active, right? Why doesn't she just 'osuwari' him? He certainly had it coming if Kagome's clenched fists were any indication. Perhaps she didn't know that Kaede had restored the spell to the beads? That could account for her silence.

Her heart went out to the young miko when she caught a glimpse of Kagome's face beneath her hair… wait… her hair was unbound. Was this a good thing? Considering the pained look in her eyes, Sango would have betted that the two details were somehow related. She was thankful they had arrived when they did, because it would give her a chance to talk to Kagome. And from the look of things, the younger woman could really use a nap and a bath.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"Sesshoumaru-sama, Rin has been thinking about the lady who doesn't smile. Do you know her?"

The taiyoukai paused and turned back to look at the small child seated upon Ah-Un with Jaken. His retainer was sputtering some nonsense about the impropriety of asking the youkai such blatant questions to such an extent that Sesshoumaru half contemplated pegging the annoying toad with another rock if Rin weren't in the way.

"She looks familiar to Rin. Have we seen her before?"

Sesshoumaru kept silent, waiting to see if the girl could figure things out on her own. She was still a child, but she wasn't stupid and often asked questions that, if left unanswered, she eventually discerned on her own. When minutes dragged on and her brow remained scrunched up in concentration, he finally deigned to answer.

"The woman Inuyasha travels with is her reincarnation."

Rin's eyes grew round as saucers as she absorbed that revelation, then narrowed as she nodded. He could almost see her mind working around the information, trying to put some sort of puzzle together.

"Kagome-sama," she whispered more to herself than for confirmation. "Rin knows!" She suddenly exclaimed with a smile, hopping in place on the dragon's back, reminding him once again that she was barely into puberty.

"She was with the winged lady when Rin died. She was nicer than she is now." The statements were made with such concrete conviction that he knew he'd never dissuade her otherwise despite knowing that the undead miko had been resurrected long before he'd ever met Rin.

If Rin had indeed seen what she claimed, then it would stand to reason that the clay woman was not truly the woman she had been in life. The undead miko was anything but nice, which meant that whatever gave that figure the ability to walk was not what Inuyasha thought it to be; at least not completely. He ran her words through his mind once more, pausing over her last comments. He had only ever seen the demons of the underworld when wielding Tenseiga, yet Rin saw a woman with wings?

"Winged lady, Rin?" He was of two minds as he awaited her answer. Part of him hoped the answer was anything but what the other part of him wanted it to be. If her description were anything close, then it would only confirm the suspicions he'd developed from his brief encounter with the fleeing miko.

"Hai!" She smiled, oblivious to her lord's inner turmoil. "She was tall, long hair like yours, but color like metal. Pretty eyes too! They were blue like the sky just before the sun sets." She frowned as she paused, obviously trying to remember everything. "Oh! Her kimono had the funny symbols like yours, too!"

Anything else Rin might have said was lost as he felt the world drop out from under his feet. He had asked, hadn't he? And the answers had been exactly as he predicted, prayed for yet prayed against as well. Back then he had not wanted to believe that_ she_ was truly gone, even when Chichi-ue had bestowed Tenseiga to him along with a letter of explanation. Everything he had wanted, dreamed of, had died along with her that day. He had viewed his father's bestowment of Tessaiga to Inuyasha as an act of uncaring for his eldest son's request; a request so that he could at least have the satisfaction of revenge against her murderer.

A gentle yank upon his empty sleeve roused him from his dark thoughts. He glanced down to the girl who was kindly oblivious to the real reasons she had been befriended and revived.

"Sesshoumaru-sama… Rin didn't mean to upset you."

Later, when he looked back on it, he would find no answer to why he gave in to the weakness of comfort. Perhaps it had been her eyes pleading for forgiveness for a slight she only imagined, or perhaps it had been his own heart betraying him into seeking the solace when he had denied himself of it for so long. Either way, he knelt on one knee and pulled her into an awkward hug, his forehead resting on her shoulder as he allowed himself that brief moment of selfishness. He would be thankful later that he had not further disgraced himself with tears.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

She was surrounded by blackness; no walls, floor or ceiling, just an endless scenery of night with only a silver pool of water at her feet to illuminate. The image of Sesshoumaru and Rin wavered as the water was disturbed. Touching hand to cheek, she pulled it away to stare at the wetness on her fingertips.

_Tears? For him? I can't remember ever crying before… Does this mean I know him? _

She sighed softly and returned her gaze to the pool of water at her feet. She watched as the man – no, youkai – released the child and stood. She waved her hand over the water and the image shifted to show his face once more. She didn't understand, but for some reason that cold impersonal mask he wore bothered her… no, it made her sad.

_Why should I care? _

Before she could allow herself to dwell upon the mystery of the youkai's identity, she bade the waters shift once more. This time the faces of a quartet appeared and she smiled at the scene. A small kitsune youkai seemed to be irritating an inu-hanyou with persistent questions and accusations about the state of another's being. The solitary human male was attempting to keep the peace, but when he was ready to give up and resort to physically ending the bickering with his staff, one of the human females wordlessly took the kitsune from the hanyou's grip and walked off with the second female. Effortlessly their names came to her, as well as their relation to the woman who had shouldered the burden to mend the wrongs of another.

_So self-sacrificing, Kagome. I wonder if you will realize your wish was granted long ago. Stubborn hanyou._

She shook her head ruefully, knowing that there were many possible outcomes, but for this particular dimension there were only two. Which one it would be rested in the hands of the young miko.

_Time is not on your side, I fear. The weakening barrier reflects your heart, child. I pray you realize this before it is too late._

One last time the image wavered, this time to reveal a woman of physical similarities to the miko of the future. Unlike the previous people, this woman stirred only anger within her. This woman… this _thing_… had dared to break an oath without a single care for the consequences or pain it would cost. It wasn't the broken oath that bothered her; it was the callousness in which it had been done. Kikyou had no remorse for her actions, but the creature wearing her face wasn't exactly Kikyou anymore either. It was no more the past miko than Kagome was, but it was harboring the memories and hatred of her past.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as the waters cleared to show her own reflection. Only here could she be in the form she felt was truest. To walk as one with the rest of the world she had adopted many false guises. One for each era she visited, which was not often. She never really bothered before to notice that she avoided certain eras like the plague. The era Kagome visited and the two before it…

_My mind says stay, but my heart says go. _

She had not been at her post for very long, but she clearly remembered the rules she'd been given. Her predecessor had broken the rules and therefore resided elsewhere now, stripped to a mindless husk of what he'd once been. The memory of his dejected form kept her from ever thinking of even bending the rules. And that's where her memories began… or was it ended?

She wasn't even sure of her own existence since her first memory was of the ones who bestowed upon her the mantel of Keijigakari, and a new name. If she was their creation they'd never said. They'd never forbidden her from visiting those eras, but that didn't mean they hadn't put the compulsion to stay away in her. If there was ever a time she wished she could speak to them, it was now.

_Who was I before then?_

**A/N:**

_Keijigakari – Timekeeper_

YAY! Beta'd!

I'm reworking this entire story by adding a few things and rearranging others.

Question to all my readers: Should I release the edited/final versions now or after I finish the entire story?

For those of you who fell in love with Terri Botta's "The Lucky Ones", I'm betaing Barachan22's continuation of that story.

She DOES have permission to do a continuation folks.

I'm actually in need of a beta for another story I'll be releasing after finishing Fated Existence. It's IY/Kagome of course, read up the brief summary for Second Chances in my profiles to see what story I'm referring to. Until next time!

P.S. I really really really hate FFnet screwing with my formatting.

**Reviewers**

MMorg

InuyashasLoveLorn(mm works again! Woot!) sutlesarcasm (Thanks! Your review meant a lot.) madosie(Not discouraged yet )

_BabyGabby (LOL calm down, girl! I've no intention of dropping the story like so many other authors. Promise.)_

FFnet

_Drake Clawfang(No problem) __AkeryouSesshoumarusMate Strike Redkite Nimue2416 CrystalRose crimsontide_

_BlueMoon Raithya dizappearingirl _

_To the anonymous reviewer that called me an "ACE author" in their book, my thanks. Your review means a lot._


	16. Kikyou

**Fated Existence**

**Chapter 16 – Kikyou**

_Listen, please… for Inuyasha's sake…_

The thought traveled wordlessly between their link as she prayed for an open reception to her plea. She would need Kikyou's cooperation in order to save the miko from the Keijigakari's wrath. So here she was, meditating for the last two hours, in the room she shared with Sango, under the tajiya's watchful eyes. The past three days had been extremely trying and tiring on Kagome's nerves and she truly had no one to blame but herself.

Inuyasha had done just about everything short of being downright nasty to her in an attempt to get her to talk to him. This morning he'd finally seemed to give up and was ignoring her to the point where he wouldn't even speak of her to the others. It hurt her to hurt him like that, but she couldn't trust herself to let him too close again. She was having a hard enough time trying to convince herself to stay on the path when her heart wanted the opposite so badly. The only thing that kept her from giving in was the knowledge that when it was all over, Inuyasha would be happy and safe.

_To save our soul…to save you… Kikyou…_

_Why do you seek me?_

Kagome nearly lost the trance she'd placed herself in. She had not thought to be answered so quickly, if at all.

_The Keijigakari… she asked me…_

_I know that, child. I have seen your thoughts. You were sent to help destroy me._

_No! I want to save you…_

_I am beyond salvation. I will cease to be when Naraku is defeated._

_It doesn't have to be that way… you can live again._

_How? Would you pay my price?_

_Yes._

_Why?_

_Inuyasha…_

His name said it all and Kagome knew that Kikyou instantly understood everything that she wasn't saying. As deep as their bond was, Kikyou had access to her memories should Kagome allow it. She showed Kikyou the conversation with the Keijigakari, complete with her own thoughts at the time, uncaring that Kikyou now knew exactly how she felt about Inuyasha. She couldn't stop loving the inu-hanyou, but out of that love she would make a Faustian pact to give him another chance with his first love.

_Kagome… _the miko's voice was tinged with an awed sadness. _You would forsake your own happiness… I do not deserve your kindness. _

Awed as the miko might be, it certainly didn't prevent her opinion of why Kagome was being so kind leaking through. Kagome caught the distinct impression that Kikyou felt the only reason she was doing this was to show she was somehow better, purer, than Kikyou since she was so willing to give up something so valued. And, of course, Kagome felt in no way she would ever be better than Kikyou. Especially with Inuyasha's criticism and comparison between them.

_I do it for him, not you. So long as he is happy. Do not hurt him._

_I can make no promises… but I can try. You are certain then?_

_Hai. When you are ready._

_You will know._

And as swiftly as it had begun, their conversation, and subsequently their link, faded.

Kagome became aware of her surroundings slowly. A meditative state was not something she easily 'woke' from, and she remembered Hisako's caution from her training with the miko. Keeping her eyes closed, she allowed herself to see with her other senses.

The wood beneath her had grown cool, telling her it was most likely late afternoon or early evening. Her muscles were slightly stiff from sitting for so long and her head had drooped so her chin now rested on her chest. She probably looked like she was sleeping sitting up. She could hear Kirara's contented purring; telling her that all was safe within the inn and Sango was still standing guard. She smiled at that thought; Sango's presence was always a welcome one and also a soothing one. Rarely had the taijiya upset her; only the woman's refusal to accept Miroku's intentions had bothered Kagome but not in a bad way. Kagome had only been upset because she wanted her friends happy, and being together would definitely make them happy.

Feeling substantially awake now that her legs were demanding to be bent in some other direction, she slowly raised her head and opened her eyes. Sango's barely-concealed concerned face came into view just a couple feet in front of her. She smiled to reassure her friend that she was safe and sound, and then slowly stretched her arms overhead to try to alleviate some of the tension in her back. She could see the question in the taijiya's eyes; the question Sango wanted to ask yet was unsure if she could or should.

Taking the decision out of Sango's hands, she answered the unspoken question. "I was able to reach her."

Sango's eyes widened as her mouth formed a silent 'oh' of surprise. Apparently the woman had had her own doubts about Kagome being able to 'speak' to Kikyou from such a distance. It only served to reinforce Kagome's suspicions that while Sango was aware of spiritual powers and beings, it took seeing them to convince her of their existence. It was refreshing to see that Sango was still as awed by Miroku's and hers' powers despite seeing them in action frequently.

"And?" Sango seemed to have finally found her voice.

"And she is unsure if all the shards have been found," Kagome replied, feeling slightly guilty for having to lie to her friend.

When she'd approached Sango after breakfast about protection during meditation, she'd had to explain why exactly she needed Sango in specific to help her. Inuyasha's presence would have been a disturbance to her already fragile nerves and he wasn't likely to help after the way she'd been treating him all week. Miroku was too sensitive to spiritual energy that she feared he might 'eavesdrop'. Which left only Sango or Shippou and she knew Shippou was easily distracted.

So she had broached the subject to Sango as they washed dishes while the others packed, telling the taijiya that she wanted to contact Kikyou about the jewel shards. It had been a lie and she'd felt awful for saying it, but she was lucky that Sango's interest in her method of contacting the miko captured Sango's attention enough to not inquire about the reason why.

Rolling her neck side to side produced small popping sounds that had her nearly sighing aloud in relief from the pressure that had built up while her head had been bowed. Rising to her feet, she glanced out the solitary window of their room and noticed that it was indeed late afternoon.

"Whose turn to cook tonight?"

"Keh! Sure as hell ain't mine." Groused an irritable hanyou as he entered the room plucking leaves from his hair.

Had the tension in the room not gotten thicker, Kagome might have laugh at the comical picture he made. Instead she pursed her lips into a thin line as if trying not to smile and inquired, as politely as possible, how he'd come by the fashionable foliage.

"Shippou."

It was all he said as he sat down as far from her and the door as possible, still fuming about kitsune tricks while trying to rid himself of the seemingly never-ending leaf accumulation in his hair. She hoped he had not heard any of their conversation, but even if he had it was unlikely that he would question them about it since Kikyou's name was never actually spoken. Unless he'd overheard them after breakfast…

"So what did Kikyou have to say?"

Sango made an odd gurgling sound as if shocked that Inuyasha not only knew the reason behind Kagome's meditating, but also had the audacity to ask her about it. Kagome's eyes went wide for a moment, shocked that he had indeed overhead them and probably on purpose. Surprise melted into anger.

"You ignore me for days and when you finally decide to speak to me it's about **her**!" Kagome mentally flinched at her choice of words. _I haven't exactly been paying attention to him either, but he's asking a question I can't answer…_

The fuel to the guilt was seeing the shock on Sango's face from her place behind Inuyasha.

"_You're_ the one ignoring _me_, bitch. I just gave up trying to get you to talk to me." He replied in a calm, yet cold voice.

"So you're trying now just because I mentioned Kikyou this morning."

"No! I want to know about the shards too. We're all looking for them, not just you and her." His voice was rising; a clear indication he was getting ticked and she had better calm down.

"Of course! And you'll demand the jewel for yourself, oh mighty youkai!"

Neither noticed Sango slip out the door, eyes wide as she recognized the signs of a verbal battle going straight to hell.

"I don't want the damned thing! It's caused enough crap to go wrong."

"Whom else would you give it to? Kikyou? Would you let her wish herself back to life and you human?" She spat the words out at him.

She wasn't sure what caused the sudden change in him, but between one breath and the next all the anger fled him as he rose to his feet. She certainly didn't like the look in his eyes as he regarded her long enough that her own anger died down, leaving her feeling rather stupid and childish for arguing in the first place. His next words hit like a knife to her heart.

"You, Kagome." He spoke quietly as he headed for the door, pausing just inside the doorframe. "I'd give you the wish because I trust you."

Her legs gave out the moment he disappeared from view, her insides in turmoil. _Childish and stupid, indeed_, she thought. Despite everything he still trusted her to the point of giving up his wish on the Shikon no Tama to her, while her own trust in him wavered because she was too afraid of what he might say and do if he knew what she was planning with Kikyou.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The forest was as silent as the woman walking its paths; not even a hint of a breeze blew to stir the humid air. The woman appeared unaffected by the temperature, lost in deep thought or at least heavily contemplating something.

Kikyou was still shocked by what her reincarnation had not only told her, but also showed her. The girl's kindness knew no bounds; she gave and gave while expecting nothing in return except the knowledge that her actions had made others happy. Kikyou was under no delusions that Kagome's pact with the Keijigakari was for anyone's sake except Inuyasha's. The girl obviously loved the hanyou enough to make what could be considered a horrifying bargain just for the sake of giving him something she thought he wanted.

Kikyou knew she had not been kind to Kagome, and she was awed that the girl would do such a thing; especially when most women would have removed the obstacle keeping them from the heart of their loves. Kagome somehow thought that it was she, not Kikyou, who was the obstacle and considering the times the girl had chanced upon their more intimate encounters, Kikyou couldn't fault her for thinking so.

If Kagome had only known how the majority of their encounters went, she might not have made such a one-sided deal; and as selfish as she was, Kikyou wasn't about to inform the girl either. Not when the answer to her greatest dilemma was presenting itself to her in such a neat package that left her free from her own bargain with the Keijigakari.

_Mine in exchange for thine… Arigato, Kagome._

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

_What I wouldn't give for a breeze…_

Kagome sighed heavily as she sat waist deep in the river, gazing up at the cloudless night sky. She never tired of looking at the stars since her own time was too polluted to really see them in the city. It seemed like another lifetime ago that she dreamed of living in the quiet countryside, happily married to someone who loved and adored her as equally as she would him; perhaps a child or two as well. She dreamed still, but those dreams now included a hanyou that she loved despite his arrogance and rudeness. It was safe in her dreams to speak of her wish, her heart's desires.

She shook her head, not wanting to think of him tonight. And yet, what she needed to think on invariably came full circle to him. Tonight was the new moon and said hanyou, now human, was in his usual petulant mood with Miroku standing watch. She and Sango had sought refuge from Inuyasha's foul mood and the weather in the river outside the village. Perhaps time away would give everyone's tempers a chance to cool off.

Her biggest worry, aside from keeping cool mentally and physically, was figuring out how to go about her plan without alerting the group to her intentions. Inuyasha was easy enough to slip around on nights like these due to his diminished senses; Shippou slept like a log once he crashed. Sango and Miroku were usually easy to slip past, but they had taken to rising with the sun like her.

_Three weeks… I've barely kept it in this long… I don't know if I could make it another month._

Perhaps Inuyasha would allow her to go back to her time since she'd stayed so long this time. She only needed a day or two and she _had_ run out of ramen… When all else failed she could resort to bribery, but at least it was cheap bribery. If he'd taken a liking to those Godiva chocolates she'd given Sango on the taijiya's birthday last year… she'd be beyond broke. She did smile though at that particular memory; Inuyasha's face scrunched up in complete disgust when he'd popped the entire piece in his mouth rather than nibbling it like she suggested. She had tried to warn him about the sweetness, considering she had nearly gagged on the overly sugared chocolate when she first tried it; and she liked chocolate.

She sighed again, this time out of sad regret. She didn't want to be mean to him and it broke her heart to see the pain in his eyes; pain she put there. She'd been silently pleading with the Inuyasha in her mind to give her a few more days or weeks… however long it took for Kikyou to come to her. With an agreement between them, Kagome wasn't going to track her down and that alone would save her from having to lie when the group would ask why. She couldn't tell anyone, really. She knew what they'd do if she did; they'd probably all agree with Inuyasha for once and tie her down, then toss her back into her own time.

The thought that Inuyasha cared for her friendship enough to forsake his own happiness for her safety was more than endearing, but she shoved it to the back of her mind as it nearly brought tears of regret to the surface. In any case, she wouldn't let him make that sacrifice; the sacrifice to be made had already been decided.

She pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around her legs as she rested her cheek on her knees, trying to find some semblance of inner peace. She stared at the passing waters and the occasional fish that was brave enough to inspect her feet. Exhaling slowly, she closed her eyes and emptied her mind save for the sound and feel of the water. She knew Sango was still nearby, so it was relatively safe for her to let her mind drift.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**A/N:**

Hisako – long lasting, eternal (The miko who trained Kagome in the present, previously mentioned in Ch 3 I believe)

Chapter 15 is finalized for those who missed my edit. I replaced the A/N with the actual chapter.

Props to Barachan22 for being my impromptu beta when Midi's email crapped out on us these past two weeks.


	17. Clues

**Chapter 17 – Clues**

* * *

"What have you done?" 

Kagome jerked, awakened by the rough voice and turned to confront the person. The abrupt change in scenery, from the river at night to Goshinboku by day, was as startling as the voice. _I could have sworn I was just resting in the river with Sango…_

"How could you?" came the voice again and this time Inuyasha came into focus before Goshiboku. He was scowling, his arms crossed over his chest as he glared at her.

"Nani…?" She tried to begin.

"You promised to stay." He cut her off.

She wasn't sure, but somehow she knew what he was referring to and it both saddened and scared her that he'd finally figured it out.

"I am staying… in a way."

"Bullshit Kagome!" He snapped at her, dropping his arms as he stalked towards her with a peculiar gleam in his eyes that she really didn't want to decipher.

Without warning he was suddenly right in front of her, gripping her upper arms with barely reined in anger. He was probably going to start shaking her any minute.

"Do you really think I'd want you to do that?"

"It.. it's… I thought you wanted…"

"Damnit! When did you ever _ask_ me what I wanted? Huh, Kagome?"

He jerked her into his arms, embracing her tightly. "What am I supposed to do without you?"

She was too shocked by his embrace to say anything, do anything, at first. "Live, Inuyasha," she calmly replied, though she had no idea why she was so calm about something that was anything but pleasant.

"Find the rest of the shards and live happy."

He briefly tightened his hug, then pulled back to look her in the eyes, this time she could easily see the sorrow in his golden gaze. "Not without you, Kagome." He whispered. "Not without you." Then his lips touched hers.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Kagome gasped and shot straight up out of her blanket. _A dream… just a dream…But…_ she looked around, confused at finding herself back in the inn when she clearly remembered relaxing in the river. _How'd I get back here?_

The answer came as Inuyasha poked his head in, already returned to his hanyou state. "'Bout time, lazy wench. Had to help Sango drag you back here last night."

"Well I'm soooo sorry that I'm such a bother to you," she replied tartly. The retort came easily to her this time. Perhaps because it felt like they were bickering like old times. No real upset in their voices, just general bantering.

Then reality crashed back in when he frowned and simply disappeared from the doorway. No, things were definitely not back to normal… then again nothing had really been normal for her for the past three years. With a sigh she began to rise and ready herself for the day. Wait… day… _Oh no! I slept through the night! How am I supposed to contact her with Inuyasha hounding my every move?_

Still grumbling to herself about the wasted night, she completely missed Sango's approach and gave a rather undignified squeal when the taijiya touched her shoulder; subsequently landing herself on her backside looking like a fish out of water.

Sango looked equally surprised, and there was silence for a long moment until Sango suddenly laughed. She hadn't meant to startle Kagome when she'd come to tell the woman they were ready to leave. However, the look on her face was priceless and Sango couldn't help but laugh at the funny expression she was making. She must have laughed louder than she'd thought because Miroku and Shippou poked their heads in the door with equally quizzical looks that only made her laugh harder.

Glad to be the butt of what was Sango's personal joke, Kagome regained her composure and finishing her packing, ignoring the looks from Miroku and Shippou. If they wanted an explanation they could ask the taijiya. Right now all she wanted to do was get on the road and see if she could somehow convince Inuyasha to let her go back to her time long enough for her to contact the Keijigakari; especially in light of that dream.

She was starting to chalk it up to plain old daydreaming, a nice session of good old wishful thinking, except it had felt chillingly real. She could still feel his arms around her and his lips against hers… and that alone sent shivers up her spine. It was something she wanted; yet it wouldn't ever happen. Her mind had simply taken all the stress of the past few weeks and emptied it out by fantasizing. Except the beginning wasn't even remotely a fantasy. More like a light nightmare… If Inuyasha didn't let her escape to her time, she was going to have to find a way to elude him long enough to contact her here.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Onegai, Inuyasha. Just one day."

Getting Inuyasha to allow her to go back to her time was proving to be the fruitless battle she had envisioned that morning. When flat out telling him she was going resulted in Inuyasha threatening to tie her to Kirara, she had begun to resort to pleading; the good old tried and true method. Technically she could just up and leave, but she really didn't want to contemplate the consequences of such an action. Her hanyou protector was bull-headed enough that she didn't doubt he'd do anything to stop her. With her schooling completed, she didn't have much reason to return to her era as frequently as before. And the hanyou was exploiting that knowledge to his full advantage. She wasn't even low on supplies, so that had been a futile excuse and was easily thwarted.

"No, Kagome. We'll be losing ground if we backtrack now." _And I know you're being sneaky, wench._

Kagome declined to respond, finally giving up and picked up her pace, returning once more to Sango's side. Miroku dropped back to walk next to Inuyasha, regarding the women thoughtfully before turning his gaze on the hanyou.

"I don't need your advice, bouzu."

Miroku simply chuckled and shrugged. "Be that as it may, Inuyasha, I still feel compelled to voice it. If you want to patch things up, you should let her go home. Show her that…"

"She's being sneaky, Miroku. There's something she doesn't want anyone, especially me, to know."

Miroku blinked, his mouth agape for a moment before he remembered to shut it. So he had picked up on that as well? Miroku had been having the nagging feeling of such after Kagome's talk of reincarnation and souls. And that feeling only increased as he watched her interaction with Inuyasha. Sango, of course, wouldn't tell him anything about her talks with Kagome unless she felt it absolutely necessary. Hence it meant that Kagome wasn't sharing with Sango about what was really bothering her.

"And so you're keeping her close until you find out."

Inuyasha nodded, his gaze trained on the women ahead of them. Thankfully Shippou was walking with them or Inuyasha might have had to resort to some sort of bribery to keep the kit's mouth shut. He was going to find out what was going on before he lost what little self-control he had left and soundly shake some sense into that pretty head of hers.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Sango… I need you to keep Inuyasha from following me tonight."

"Nani?" Sango looked askance at the miko, wondering what the woman was up to.

_Forgive me…_ "I just want some time alone without worrying if he's stalking me."

"Ahhh. But you realize that it wouldn't last long. He's just as worried as the rest of us about you."

"Worried? Why?"

Sango gave her a soft smile. "You've changed, Kagome. Some for the better, but there's this part of you that you keep holding back from us. You used to be so open and friendly. Now you're quiet and reserved; you don't talk with me like we used to. I feel like I'm somehow losing you in a battle that I can't be a part of. We have traveled for weeks and you do not speak of your family, Inuyasha or even your troubles. You no longer share anything about yourself and it makes me wonder if you are hiding something from us."

Kagome bit her lip, guilty for making her friends feel this way, and yet she couldn't take it back. She had to stay on her course and that meant another lie. Kagome grimaced at the lies she kept telling, but even trying to justify them with wanting to keep everyone out of it wasn't working. A lie was a lie, regardless of why it was told.

"I've just got a lot on my mind, Sango. I'm thinking too hard about things that have yet to pass. Like what to do after Naraku's defeated and the Shikon is whole again."

Somehow, Sango didn't quite believe her and it showed in her expression as she quirked an eyebrow. However, she wasn't going to contradict the woman and turn their conversation into an argument. So she settled for a shrug and offered to do what she could to give Kagome a moment's peace tonight when they camped.

With the exception of an oni that thought Kagome would make a great snack, with her shards as a lovely dessert, the rest of the day was uneventful. The men and women walked separately, each pondering what the other group was speaking about in such hushed tones. By the time dusk fell and a suitable camp had been spotted, the tension among the Inutachi was thick.

Guilt over bringing Sango into a situation she had no answers for, Kagome had reneged on having Sango keep Inuyasha preoccupied. She told Sango just before they'd found camp that the taijiya wouldn't have to do anything tonight. She knew Inuyasha would grill her friend about where she was going and what she was doing; and without the answers, Sango would be forced to create lies of her own or let Inuyasha follow Kagome. Neither of which was pleasant and so she opted to wait until everyone was asleep.

The first night after the new moon Inuyasha usually slept, whether to voluntarily catch up on sleep or the need to sleep overruled his desire to stay awake, she wasn't sure. Hopefully tonight would be no different and she'd be able to slip away long enough to do what she needed. Hard on the heels of the dream came the doubts that she had thought she had suppressed. Doubts that made her want to take back her promise and follow her dreams. What she needed now was confirmation that she was doing the right thing.

As Kagome readied a fire pit for the evening meal with Shippou, Sango "asked" Miroku to accompany her to collect firewood while Inuyasha hunted. Miroku, never one to miss an opportunity alone with the taijiya, followed her to a short distance from the camp, wondering if he would return with another palm mark for his attempts. His hand was nearly upon its goal of the seductive curve of womanly hips, when she suddenly turned to face him. Freezing in place, cursing himself for not being quicker while praying she would go light on him, he wasn't expecting the gentle grip of her fingers around his wrist.

"Any other time, houshi-sama, I'd slap you back to Kaede's." Her words drew his gaze from her hips and to her face; a face that showed immense concern and worry.

"Sango?" He questioned, unsure what put sure an expression in her eyes.

"It's about Kagome." Seeing that she now had his full attention, she pressed on. "She needs some time alone and wanted me to keep Inuyasha from following her, but now she says she's fine and won't need the time away after all. Something doesn't feel right, Miroku. I think she's hiding something from us; something… something…"

"Terrible?" He ventured to guess.

"Ano… maybe. She looks so lost sometimes, and other times she looks like she carries some burden that weighs too much. I don't know what to do. She won't talk about it and if I ask, she smiles and says nothing is wrong."

"You too, huh?"

The pair gasped as Inuyasha stepped out of the tree line and into the small path they were occupying. He hadn't been eavesdropping on purpose, but couldn't help overhearing their conversation as he made his way back to camp with fresh meat. He nodded to Miroku, giving him a silent signal that he should tell her what they'd spoken of earlier.

Miroku nodded and addressed the taijiya. "We had a similar conversation earlier. Inuyasha thinks she's being sneaky and hiding something from all of us, or more importantly, from him. She avoided his questions about Kikyou yesterday, so we suspect it may have something to do with her. Did she tell you anything else after her meditation?"

Sango shook her head. "No, and she won't let me bring up the subject either." Then again there hadn't been much opportunity to talk between yesterday morning and tonight.

Miroku sighed and shook his head. "I regret suggesting this because I feel like I'm somehow betraying Kagome-sama, but in light of what has occurred I think it is needed." He looked between the two, who now wore expressions of curiosity. "Sango, tell Kagome you'll honor the original agreement to keep Inuyasha from following. Convince her she should take the time to get away. Inuyasha, your part begins right before Kagome leaves…"

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Kagome nibbled at her share of rabbit, although it was more out of habit than hunger since her mind was on other things. When Sango had returned with Miroku and the firewood, she had hauled Kagome off for a talk of their own while Miroku lit the fire. She still wasn't sure how Sango convinced her that it was okay for her to 'disappear' for some alone time. Perhaps it had been the comment that Kagome looked like she was under a lot of stress, which was slightly true.

Inuyasha, while still being his grumpy self, nearly brought her to tears just because he remembered to gut and clean the rabbits before giving them to her. Here she was, being all kinds of mean and aloof, and he still cared enough to gut his kills first because she abhorred doing it herself. _If there was ever a time I deserved to be called a bitch, now would be it._

As depressed as her thoughts were, it still didn't deter her from taking advantage of Sango's generous offer and stealing away for awhile. She wasn't sure if she'd contact the Keijigakari tonight, but at least the time away would allow her to think without everyone around. Finding her appetite gone, she handed Shippou the rest of her rabbit portion to eat or share with Kirara. Rising to her feet, she brushed her hands across her thighs and gave Sango a look that told her she was going now. She headed for the tree her pack rested against, pausing in mid-reach for it when she heard the commotion behind her.

"Oi! Where do you think you're going?"

"Leave her be, Inuyasha. She just needs a little private time."

Kagome turned to see Sango blocking the path of a quickly angry hanyou.

"It isn't safe!"

She frowned, wondering how to diffuse the situation when Miroku, of all people, took things out of her hands.

"Relax, Inuyasha. Kagome-sama probably won't wander too far from hearing distance, ne?"

Kagome nodded in relief, agreeing quickly to the compromise if it would keep Inuyasha from following. It seemed to work because Inuyasha huffed and dropped down to all fours with what she'd come to recognize as the 'Fine, but I'm not happy about this' pout. Suppressing the urge to giggle at the current image he made, she thanked them and promised to return soon.

She grabbed her pack and headed into the trees, looking for a suitable place to think and possible call upon the Keijigakari.

Twenty minutes later, her silver-haired shadow followed.

**

* * *

**

**A/N:**

_Well things are certainly spicing up now, eh? I'm going to edit and finalize the story once I finish it._

_There's about 5 chapters left or so. And here I'd planned for it to be only a 10 chapter fic!_

Reviewers

**MMorg **

Kurai Tenshi (_Thanks_) -- nerwinfaelvirin(_lol I have to look up your nick three times just to spell it right_!) -- Cynbad146(-_blush-_ _thanks_) --madosie

**FFnet**

CrystalRose -- dizappearingirl (_it's wrapping up now_) -- SesshiesPersonalPriestess -- Inu-ears (_lol laying the praise on thick, aren't_ _we_?) -- Dice-lord -- trekker4life (_Not sure what you were asking… can you rephrase that_?) -- Raithya -- Drake Clawfang

_Standard Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha ya think I'd be writing fanfiction? snort I only lay claim to the Keijigakari._


	18. Keijigakari

**Chapter 18 – Keijigakari**

Not wanting to get too far from the group in case there really was trouble she couldn't handle, Kagome walked far enough so that if she squinted, she could barely make out the light of the camp fire. The clearing she chose was small enough to prevent sneak attacks from larger youkai, yet large enough to fit a couple of horses. She dropped to sit on a fallen tree, letting her pack slide from her shoulder to the ground.

Ever since Inuyasha had voiced his concern, the memory of her promise made her feel guiltier than ever. Back in the cave, before they had settled in that first night, Inuyasha had made her promise not to hide things from him anymore. A promise she'd agree to while half asleep, but a promise nonetheless.

_I can't protect you if you don't tell me when something's wrong._

He'd been primarily referring to the pain of the soul wound, but Kagome knew it was more than that. There had been times in the past when she had hidden her pains because she didn't want to worry him; still didn't want to. But, he usually wound up finding out anyway and was more upset than worried that she'd refused to speak out.

But this time was different; now she kept quiet because she didn't want to destroy the already fragile bond that Inuyasha had painstakingly re-forged with Kikyou. She didn't want him to hate her for telling him the truth. She would rather let him go on believing in the ideal, lost in blissful ignorance, than have his heart shattered twice over the same woman.

So here she sat, guilt-ridden for breaking a promise, knowing that it would all be worth it in the end. Right?

The nagging doubts resurfaced after her dream and refused to be placed on a shelf any longer. She needed to remind herself exactly why she was doing this.

Rummaging through her pack, she pulled out the old key, clutching it to her chest, unsure if it would work and praying so that if it did, it's keeper would not be angry for the false call. Taking a deep breath, she whispered the name of the Keijigakari as she exhaled.

"Tenmei…"

Without sound or warning, a black void opened before her. It brought to mind Miroku's Kazanna, but with two exceptions. One, it was large enough to swallow an elephant; two, it wasn't trying to suck her in. In fact, it was suddenly deathly quiet; no sound, no breeze, nothing. Kagome bit back a gasp as _she_, the Keijigakari, materialized out of the darkness and stepped out of the void. The woman was the same, but her appearance had changed.

The long, ebony-green hair was now done up in dozens of tiny braids, three of which crossed her forehead as a brow-band. She wore a formal black kimono like the noble women of the era; the collar of the white kosode was lined with a repetitive symbol in blue that Kagome felt she should recognize, but couldn't. From a silver chain around her waist dangled a misty globe the size of her fist that seemed to glow with an inner light. The only physical feature that changed was her ears; they were sharply pointed like those of a youkai.

The aura surrounding the woman was easier to detect this time and again Kagome wondered, what, exactly the Keijigakari was. Kagome knew the woman's purpose, her job, but nothing more except that her aura was not that of a human. She also wasn't alive, but not quite dead.

"She's not here," Tenmei frowned slightly.

Kagome shook her head, "I… I had questions."

"Doubts. I did tell you to consider what you were offering."

"I wasn't sure I could call on you before…"

"Kagome," she interrupted. "Despite my duty being what it is, I am not completely heartless. If I were, I would not have permitted you this chance to 'fix' things, as you call it. But the fact that you have doubts shows you are not quite the martyr you want to be."

Kagome grimaced and worried her bottom lip. "Hai."

"Could… could you show me… what would happen… either way?"

The woman nodded slowly. "I can, but it would be in your point of view. One outcome must be viewed from her eyes, and even then, it is only a possible path."

"I'd rather know the possibilities than nothing at all."

Tenmei nodded once more, a thoughtful expression on her face. Making some kind of decision, she reached into the voluminous sleeve of her kimono to retrieve an object that had Kagome reeling and gasping in horror.

"It is not the same mirror," the Keijigakari stated with a scowl. "I do not know how she obtained it, but I will get it back once I finish this task."

"Kanna's mirror is yours?" Kagome asked, as she visibly relaxed.

"Hai. Two sides of one coin. That one has been twisted though. It was meant to show the souls' true destiny, not steal them before it is their time."

As Kagome stared at her reflection, she noted there were marked differences between the two. This mirror, while similar in size and design, was more silver than gray, like moonlight. And etched all around the edge of the mirror's surface were the phases of the moon; the full moon at twelve o'clock and the phases going around clockwise.

"It rightly belongs to my Soul Piper."

Kagome tore her gaze from the mirror, shock on her face. "The soul piper is yours?"

She chuckled, "I cannot be everywhere, Kagome. Children are the easiest to pacify and lead into another life for they do not have the regrets adults do, nor the fascination with remaining behind when there is something better ahead."

She held the mirror loosely in her hands, regarding Kagome for a moment before speaking again. "This is the Seishin Mirror. It shows you a cross between what you want and what will be, unless they are one and the same. It is not easy to look into it and most do not like what they see. I am not allowed to show you exactly what will be, so this must suffice."

Kagome nodded, not quite sure if there was anything she could really say in reply to that. When Tenmei handed her the mirror, it was with much trepidation that Kagome took it after a momentary hesitation, unsure of what to expect.

At first all she saw was her own reflection; then it slowly clouded like milk being poured into water. When the fog cleared, Kagome felt something pull at her heart and she saw Inuyasha's face staring back at her. Between one breath and the next, she found herself within the first vision.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0**

Tenmei remained standing before Kagome, whose mind was now temporarily lost in the mirror. Not even she could predict the outcomes because Kagome's heart was still undecided, walking the line between the choices, and not yet committed to neither one completely. Technically, she could just make the decision for Kagome, but for some reason, she was compelled to allow the young woman to make it.

Perhaps it had something to do with the feeling that she had not been allowed a chance to choose her own fate. She wasn't certain yet, but the harder she tried to remember a life before being the Keijigakari, the more fragmented images came to mind. It was one lone image of sad, golden eyes – eyes she felt belonged to the inu-youkai – that lingered the longest and urged her to seek the truth of her own existence. And so she'd taken to watching the stoic creature, looking for some clue that might tell her just what, if any, connection there was between them.

_Ah… so he followed after all._

She easily detected the hanyou's youki and smiled. The bond between the two was strong and Tenmei, for Kagome's sake, hoped for a good outcome. For all they'd been through, they deserved it, but it was not her place to play Kami – she was merely the instrument. She wasn't sure how long he'd been listening since her attention had been on Kagome's questions and the instructions she's received earlier from _them._ Stepping around Kagome's unmoving form, she addressed the forest that held the hanyou's silence.

"She is safe, but she cannot hear us now. She has a task to complete and I ask that you do not interfere. She must do this without you, understand?"

A growl was her only answer before he emerged from the trees.

"Who the hell are you?"

He attempted to peer around her for a glimpse of the miko, but Tenmei easily blocked his view.

"Do not disturb her."

A snarl this time. "Just who the fuck do you think you are?"

He took an unsubtle sniff and his eyes widened, then narrowed in anger. Jerking his head towards some area above her chest, he spoke again, the anger in his eyes reflected in his voice.

"What does he want with Kagome?"

She frowned. "What nonsense are you babbling?"

"Did he send you? I've never seen you around him, but you carry his scent. I don't know what the game is, but that son-of-a-bitch isn't getting Kagome!"

Still confused, but unwilling to be accused of some plot against the selfless woman behind her, Tenmei gave a growl of her own and advanced on the hanyou.

"How _dare_ you accuse me of harming her! If anyone should be guilty of that, it is you. Your degrading words and callous actions pushed her away and still her only thought was your happiness. She came back for _you_, to give you your wish despite what it could cost her."

For each step she took, he retreated equally until he was backed into a tree, wide-eyed with shock and a hint of fear.

_Serves him right. Maybe now he'll use his head _and_ heart together._

With a snort she turned away from him and returned to standing watch over Kagome. The girl's hands were clenched tightly on the mirror as tears streamed from unseeing eyes, but Kagome's lips were turned up in a sad smile.

Tenmei nodded to herself; neither vision was probably anything Kagome might have thought of, but the girl had been warned that the mirror showed her a blended future of what Kagome wanted and what _could _be. The mirror in Kanna's possession was the one that showed absolutes. Thankfully it wouldn't work like that in anyone's hands but hers or the Soul Piper's. Hence why it had probably been twisted by Naraku, but that was a problem for a later date.

"What would it cost her?"

"Everything… or nothing." She shrugged. "It depends on what Kagome is willing to offer."

"Damn stubborn wench! She knows better than to do things on her own!"

"You cannot help her this time. It is not your soul."

Before he could utter a retort, Kagome began to stir.

"Time to leave, Inuyasha."

Tenmei tapped the orb at her waist with a single finger, resulting in a flare of light just before the ground opened beneath him and he fell into oblivion. The void would deposit him back with the rest of their group.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0**

"Did that answer your questions?"

Kagome nodded, "As best as possible. Thank you."

"You knew what it might be like when you asked to replace her. You presumed to know more than the Kami about the wishes of the Fated's hearts. I trust you have learned your lesson?" At Kagome's nod, she continued.

"I trust the next summons will be when you are ready?"

"Hai, but I'm not sure about my choice anymore."

"Why?"

"I want him happy, but I want to be happy too. Selfish, ne?"

Tenmei chuckled. "No, only human Kagome, only human." She looked beyond Kagome and smiled slightly as she began to step back towards the void. "But perhaps you should consider asking him what _he_ wants."

_Oh no!_ Kagome thought as Tenmei disappeared into the void. So wrapped up in the conversation she'd completely missed Inuyasha's approaching youki. But now that she felt the familiar touch of it, she cringed and didn't want to turn around. She could tell he was angry and it was directed mostly at her. She was afraid of the look that might be in his eyes. The look that said she betrayed him by breaking the promise to stop hiding things from him.

**A/N:**

**Tenmei** - _Karma, destiny, Heaven's decree_

**Seishin - **_Mind, Soul, Heart, Spirit, Intention_

_Yes, yes it's finally moving along. Soooo sorry to those who wanted this to move faster. One of my faults is wanting to describe everything, but this will be fixed in the rewrite. I will also probably combine several chapters when this happens. If you'd like to be notified of the final version postings feel free to email me or leave a review asking me to notify you. _

_**Edit:** Some people were guessing the wrong person, so maybe that one change in Inuyasha's speech will correct it. Otherwise, oh well, you'll get it eventually. LOL And on a sidenote…FFnet seems to be allowing plagiarists to keep their accounts and stories.. I'll not go into details since the issue was hashed to the extreme this week on a forum I'm part of. The girl has voluntarily removed herself after being flamed by the fans of the author she stole from. Hopefully FFnet will take heed when we tell them about it now. So… in light of that, I may either never post to FFnet again (only MMorg) or I'll at least finish up Fated Existence and just post new stories soley on MM. I hope if any of you run across someone copying my plot/story you'll inform me. Thanks! _

**Reviewers **

**MMorg**

Nerwen

**FFnet**

AkeryouSesshoumarusMate

CrystalRose

Dizappearingirl

Madosie

Drake Clawfang


	19. Life Choice

**Chapter 19 – Life Choice**

_Lime/Lemon Warning!_

_The unedited version can be found here (remove spaces):_

www . mediaminer . org /fanfic/ viewch.php/ 88347/ 364979#ficc

Sango and Miroku both jumped in fright as a black hole suddenly opened in the sky just a few feet above their camp and unceremoniously deposited Inuyasha before closing. Miroku wisely kept his usual bantering commentary quiet when he saw the look upon Inuyasha's face. The only times he'd seen the hanyou in such a rage was when Sesshoumaru picked a fight. But as Inuyasha raced, again, out of the camp without a word to them, Miroku noticed something else in his friend's eyes – fear. Whatever the hanyou had encountered had very obviously angered him, but it also struck fear into him as well.

"We should follow," came Sango's quiet voice.

"We could walk in on something not meant for us to see," he replied just as softly.

"And Kagome-chan could be in trouble."

"Have you little faith in Inuyasha's ability to protect her?"

"No!" She gasped, shocked he would think that of her. "But what if he can't handle it alone? I don't want to lose either of them."

Miroku nodded, seeing the wisdom in her request. "Nor I." He rose to his feet and pulled two dokko from his robes. "We will follow to make sure all is well, but we cannot be gone long."

He nodded towards the sleeping youkai, reminding her that there were others who needed their protection as well. Silently he placed the dokko on either side of the fire, chanting softly. Within moments, a barrier glimmered around them camp, ensuring protection in their absence. He would need to return to take it down because he had keyed it to allow no one in; but the youkai could leave if need be.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Falling through the void had been eerily like going through the well, minus the lights. Still, he was surprised to find himself safely deposited back at camp, but that lasted only a second; until he remembered what he'd heard and seen. Kagome had broken her promise on purpose and that both angered and saddened him. The anger overruled as he raced back into the forest, this time determined to get answers to the questions he'd allowed Kagome to avoid.

He came upon them just as the strange woman was telling Kagome to ask someone about what they wanted, and he knew the exact moment in which Kagome sensed him, because she tensed up tighter than a bowstring. The scent of fear drifted to him, momentarily making him feel guilty for causing such a panic within the girl before reminding himself that she had betrayed him.

Kagome was refusing to look at him and the other woman took off into that odd void, but he wasn't really interested in her right now. He was sure the glare he was giving Kagome's back would have sent the girl fleeing the clearing if she'd been looking at him.

Kagome, for her part, was trying her best not to let her fear show, but she could feel his eyes boring into her back as she in turn watched the Keijigakari depart. There would be no avoiding him now. Not after he'd seen Tenmei. He was mad, really mad. The brief brush against his youki proved it and she shivered, praying he wouldn't hate her. Unable to take the tension any longer, she stood, spinning around to face her fears and immediately stilled at the look he pinned her with. The angry youki was reflected in his eyes as he stalked towards her and she subconsciously began to back away, unaware of her actions until her back met the rough bark of a tree trunk.

Either she did more than briefly blink, or he'd somehow acquired Sesshoumaru's speed, because he was suddenly upon her, mere inches from her.

"I am fucking tired of this bullshit, Kagome. I want the truth." He eyed her. "NOW!"

She jumped, startled by the harsh shout, unable to look away. "Uh… I… ummm…"

"Fine, let's make this really easy. First, why did you make me that promise if you never intended to keep it?"

"I didn't plan to break it, but I couldn't tell you."

"You can tell me anything, Kagome and you have before. What is so different about now?"

"It doesn't involve you this time."

The fragile calm snapped. "The hell it doesn't! I promised to protect you damnit, but you aren't letting me do that! You're acting like Kikyou and it's starting to piss me off."

Kagome frowned, refusing to shed tears at the insult. "I thought you wanted me to be more like her! That's what you're always telling me, what you always compare me to. Does the phrase, 'why can't you be more like her', ring any bells?"

Inuyasha growled at the reminder, cursing his wayward mouth for even uttering such nonsense before. "If I wanted her, don't you think I'd stay with her rather than a copy?" He could have kicked himself when her stricken face told him he'd messed up again.

"You haven't exactly been given the chance to stay. She always leaves." Kagome whispered, finally looking away, desperately trying not to cry. Just when she thought that maybe she had been wrong in her decision, he reminded her that she was just a lesser version of his heart's desire.

Rather than try to patch another mistake, knowing he'd possibly just make it worse, he switched topics. "Who was that woman?"

Kagome shook her head, refusing to answer. She knew what she had to do now and she wasn't going to back down anymore. She stepped to the side and immediately found herself pinned to the tree, with an up-close view of fire-rat haori. He'd planted one hand next to her right arm, the other next to the left side of her head, both braced against the tree, while one foot was planted between her own. If she wanted to leave she was going to have to muscle her way out, and she knew it was a losing battle when her opponent was a determined wall of solid hanyou.

"No more running. Who was she?"

Silence.

A growl. "What is she making you do?"

"Nothing." She whispered.

"Bullshit! I don't know what his game is in sending her, but I'm not going to let you let her force you into something."

Kagome dared to briefly meet his angry eyes with her own confused ones. "What?"

"She reeks of him, so she must be doing this for him. What does he have to gain? What are you planning?"

"I don't…"

"Sesshoumaru, damn it! She smells like that bastard!"

"I don't know why, but I doubt she even knows him."

Inuyasha dug his claws into the bark, agitated by her evasiveness. "Just answer the fucking question!"

"I don't have permission to tell you! You weren't even supposed to find out!"

"So what? You were going along with whatever scheme she has planned and who cares what I might think about it?"

"This isn't about you!"

"Maybe not, but it involves me, doesn't it?"

Kagome bit her lip at the soft words. It was getting harder and harder to keep up the mask if he kept switching between anger and calm. And his close proximity wasn't helping either. The fear had evaporated, replaced by a hyper awareness of him that felt like her skin was being touched; yet he kept at least six inches between them. Until he leaned forward to whisper in her ear; then she was hard pressed to stay standing, although she was unable to keep the shiver from running up her spine at the feeling of his breath upon her skin.

"Isn't there a question you need to ask me?" He smirked as he leaned back.

She fumbled through the fog of sensation to answer him. "What do…what would you ask…" she darted her tongue out to wet lips that had gone dry. The spark in his eyes at her action sent another shiver through her. "What would you wish for?"

Inuyasha looked sad for a moment, then closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I must have really screwed up if you have to ask me that." Before she could ask him what he meant, he looked back up, a plea in his eyes. "Don't you know? Can't you see?"

With a soft sigh he leaned forward, lowering his head to nuzzle her temple, stifling a pleased growl as the scent of her response hit him. "You, Kagome." As he placed a kiss to her temple, he slid the hand next to her head down the tree to her waist, wrapping it around her and pulling her close. "Just you," he whispered a scant second before his lips covered hers.

It wasn't like their last kiss; this one was soft and tender, reaffirming in action what he'd said in words. He teased at her lower lip with a flick of his tongue, smiling slightly at her gasp and taking the chance to taste her fully. Vaguely he tasted the mint of her toothpaste, but he was too caught up in her responsiveness to mind. She clutched his haori in her fists, making her upper body mimic what he'd done to her lower, crushing them together. His instincts were clamoring for him to finish what he'd began years ago, but his heart told him to take it slow. Satisfying both, he released her lips to burn a trail of kisses down her jaw, down the side of her neck, lightly nipping the juncture of her neck and shoulder which elicited a moan from his captive, albeit willing, partner.

Reflexively he pushed her back against the tree, showing her once more what he was unable to say, pressing his hips into hers. The hand wrapped around her slid under the hem of her shirt, lightly grazing his claws along the small of her back as he pulled his arm free, firmly gripping her hip once his hand was free. There was no mistaking the scent of her response now. The way she pressed against him and moaned so softly was beginning to make his control slip. He needed to stop now before he gave in.

He leaned away from her, waiting for her to realize he'd stopped and look at him. Once he had her attention he nearly growled at the haze of desire in her eyes and the flush of her cheeks. Somehow she found her voice before he did.

"But…I thought… Kikyou…"

He sighed, he really was an idiot. "I did… before I really knew you. Before I realized that being with you meant I didn't have to deny what I was; that you accepted what she would not."

Kagome was speechless. He hadn't said he loved her, but it sounded awfully close to it.

"So what will you choose?"

"Huh?" Kagome was still finding it hard to concentrate, part of her wishing he hadn't stopped.

"You told her you were unsure about your choice…"

"Ah… that." She sighed. "What I've chosen since we first met." She bravely met his eyes. "I choose to live."

Some unnamed emotion broke the dam in him and he growled his pleasure before he took away her breath in another searing kiss. There was gentleness as before, but underlying was the force of possession. He dominated the kiss, seeking her submission and was rewarded with it as she sighed into his mouth and returned his kiss. He brought his other hand off the tree, mirroring the one on her hip and pulled her roughly against him. She had chosen to live when they'd first met as well, and back then that had meant choosing his protection; today, tonight, it meant choosing _him._

He released her lips in favor of her neck, worshiping the soft skin below her ear and then her shoulder. Her long sleeved shirt impeded his descent and he growled at the barrier before smirking and kissing her again. He dropped lightly to one knee as he raised her shirt to bare her stomach to his greedy eyes, followed by his lips. His nose met with the bottom of the scrap of material she'd called a 'bra'. Starting there, he trailed feather light kisses down to her belly button, then along the top of the long skirt that had replaced the funny hakama from yesterday. He paused as he finally saw up close, the scar left by the removal of the Shikon. Reverently he kissed the pale flesh, thanking the Kami for delivering such a wonderful woman to him. A woman who'd accept him as a lowly hanyou and showed him the true meaning of love and friendship.

Any further thoughts were washed away at the first touch of her fingers upon his ears. The soft caresses stoked the banked fires of desire and he growled at the pleasure of her actions, nuzzling her stomach and trying not to dig his claws too deep into her hips. Her thumbs ran up the edge of the insides while her fingernails lightly scratched down to the base. He shuddered against her, fighting for control over his raging desire. Every nerve screamed for him to make her his in every way, but he didn't want to scare her. He still wasn't completely certain that she would want him.

With agonizing slowness, he slid his hands down her legs, forcing himself to watch her face for any sign of rejection, unwilling to continue if it was not what she wanted. She bravely returned his gaze until he slipped his hands under her skirt and retraced his path over the front of her legs, stilling as he reached her thighs, silently seeking permission, acceptance. The silence drew out except for their uneven breathing until he trailed his claws shortly down the outside of her thighs. Her head was immediately tossed back as another moan, this time deeper and longer, elicited from her throat.

Growling with dominating arrogance, he repeated the action, this time going until the edge of her skirt brushed the back of his hands. Grasping the hem, he began to push it up, eager to see and taste the core of her arousal. He was met with the resistance of her hands on his when he was a mere inch before his prize was to be revealed. Confused, he looked up and was greeted with the sight of her tears. What had he done wrong?

"Don't…" she whispered. "You don't have to…"

He grinned, understanding. "I know. I want…" he shook his head. "No, I need to."

He would spend the rest of the night worshipping her, reveling in the gift of her body and her acceptance. And when he made them one, he would think the tears were joyous ones.

She would welcome him, happy to finally have him in at least one way. And when she cried, she would never tell him that they were tears of heartache.

When the sun rose the next morning, he awoke to empty arms and the scent of her tears.

**A/N:**

Well I'm sure to be lynched for this particular cliffhanger… my beta is already aiming her taser-whip at me ;

_I apologize for the long delay; this chapter really, really didn't want to cooperate with me. I actually didn't spit it out until last night._

_As for the plagiarism fiasco, I have beaten myself with a stupid stick over my last A/N. It was written immediately on the heels of the Sue debacle concerning her Purity series and because I love her stories I took it somewhat to heart that I'd be a little upset not that someone was copying so much as that FFnet wasn't doing anything to stop it. So that being said, this story will be completed on both sites. And I will continue to post new stories on both as well. My next project is "Come What May" – brief summary in my bio. _

Reviewers MMorg 

_Subtlesarcasm_ (cookie for you! White chocolate chip even!)

Nerwen 

_KuraiTenshi_ (DDs?)

FFnet 

Crystal Rose : dizappearingirl : Kim (no fear, I will finish.) : AkeryouSesshoumarusMate : InuChica (Thanks! I may take you up on that.) :

Raithya : Nicole : Drake Clawfang : trekker4life : Madosie


	20. Memory

**Chapter 20 – Memory

* * *

**

_Soft laughter drifted through the garden, beckoning, welcoming. The sunlight danced across the dark blue kimono, highlighting the pale blue symbols on the collar, signifying the crest of a prestigious family. Multiple braids of ebony hair swung in the wind; an unheard of fashion. Midnight feathers stirred; a few loosing from their place. Again, the soft laughter rang out, teasing, alluring._

_"That tickles!"_

_"Hmm, does it?" _

_A masculine chuckle followed, clearing indicating the speaker knew his actions would result in such sensations. But even the hardest of hearts eventually relents and the young man released his captive with another chuckle. Rather than fleeing, the woman turned in his arms, a smile brightening her face. _

_"I wish we didn't have to wait."_

_"We've gone this long, koi, one more week should be nothing."_

_"It is hard to resist."_

_"At least we have this," he whispered before briefly brushing his lips against hers._

_She sighed and leaned against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. "Hai, but sometimes it only stokes the fire. Must we wait? The ceremony is just a formality…"_

_"Ever impatient, aren't you?" He chuckled, hugging her in return. "You know it's more than just formality. I'd rather not have to fight your relatives to prove my honor."_

_"So remind me why we're having a human marriage…"_

_"Because Chichu-ue's vassals are mainly human and they don't understand our customs." _

_He stroked a hand soothingly down her back, grazing the center of her shoulders where her wings protruded, smirking as she shivered against him._

_"If you keep that up…" she warned._

_"Gomen…"_

_She shook her head, laughing softly. "You're never really sorry about it." She stood on her toes, a necessity given her small stature in comparison to his own, and kissed him deeply, retreating before he could respond._

_"Hisako…" he growled._

_She laughed again, dancing out of his arms and racing down the garden path as her voice rang out, teasing, "One week, Sesshoumaru-sama!"_

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Golden eyes snapped open, heart racing in the aftermath of the long-forgotten memory, but to his companions he'd merely awoken from a brief nap. He focused first on calming his heart, knowing nothing could be done to alter the past. It was just a fragment of a memory, an echo of his former life. It had been the last time he'd seen her. How ironic to have his last memory of her be such a happy one, when her disappearance had almost killed him. He could still remember the look on Chichu-ue's face when presented with a note and Tenseiga. He had only seen that sad look on father's face once before; the day his mother left them. Their mating had been a political one, but he'd seen Chichu-ue try to win over her heart countless times. In time this had hardened his father's heart and he had often wondered if Chichu-ue would die alone.

Then _she_ had come and brightened both their lives with her kindness and open heart. He had not hated humans then, at least not with the passion he did now, and so he had been accepting of her presence when she arrived as a gift for Chichu-ue from the ruling daimyo. She had been afraid at first, being in a new place with only a solitary servant for companionship. Izayoi-hime had never referred to the Meikin-youkai as a servant. His first mistake in thinking the hime had been different from most humans, was listening to the Meikin speak to his father in regards to her charge.

His father had been unusually curious about Izayoi, but at the time Sesshoumaru had simply been glad that the distraction was drawing out the old father he had once known. He should have known that happiness would be short-lived. He often wished that he had never known Izayoi's servant youkai; cursing the female for the loss of his parents…

_"I won't ask you to call me mother, but we can be friends, yes?"_

He clenched his fist and resisted the urge to punch something. In the two short years after mating his father, not once had she ever asked him for the respect and honor of being called 'mother'. Yet he'd given it. He still wasn't sure why he had. Perhaps it had been out of thanks for bring his father back to him, or maybe because she simply didn't care about propriety so long as those she loved were happy. Like father, like son, he'd been compelled to seek out his stepmother. Sometimes it was to learn more about human laws and customs, other times it was an excuse to watch her servant. And eventually his father's mate caught on. _Damn matchmaking women._

He mentally shook off the old memories. Love was a fool's emotion, betraying and fleeting. It was a word humans used to garner attention, materialistic prestige, even mating, and it left nothing in return. Love had destroyed his father when the taiyoukai died protecting his human mate and worthless hanyou son. Love was a weakness.

"Sesshoumaru-sama? Did you sleep well?"

The soft voice of Rin drew him from his dark thoughts, but as usual he gave her no reply.

_If love is a weakness, why does that hanyou fight more avidly in the mere presence of his miko, rather than falter and die?_

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

At the sudden appearance of a void, the two recipients of the ensuing visitor stared in dumbfounded fascination; or rather one was dumbfounded, the other simply stared blankly. Both remained in their places as the woman swept her gaze about the room before alighting on them; the look upon her face was anything but pleased.

He frowned as the shock wore off; still mildly surprised that she had personally come. He had known that one day, retribution for his crime would find him, but he had hoped it would come after he acquired the Shikon no Tama. Despite the countless crimes and destruction he had already caused, the utter desecration of her temple was quite probably the worst of them all - next to stealing her sacred mirror. There had been no carvings or paintings of this particular Kami, but in light of what her job was, it was no wonder no one knew what she looked like. And to be honest, he had not known the gender of Ida-Ten either.

"It certainly took you long enough to locate me." He smirked, un-phased by the cold gaze she pinned him with.

"Really? And here I just started looking this morning," she replied sarcastically.

He quickly squashed the alarm rising in his throat. He'd had the mirror this long and she had only just decided to find him this morning? She had been allowing him to use it all this time? So why take it away now?

"After all these years, I finally fall out of your favor. Why?"

"You were never within my favor. It simply took this long for a message to reach me."

"Huh?"

"Somewhere within that multitude of youkai conglomeration resided one who knew how to access the pathways sealed against intrusion. A being you forced into servitude by imprisoning their mind once they had acquired an artifact you desired."

He snarled at the youkai beside him, for once angered that the being showed no outward sign of fear or even acknowledging his actions. "Kanna."

"You were warned. She told you…"

"You are not allowed to interfere." He interrupted.

She smirked. "This is not interference. This is returning the path to its original state."

"So you punish me and in the same breath concede the miko's actions? Hypocrite."

"Perhaps, but it does not concern you. She asked for a chance to fix a mistake and I am allowing her that chance."

"And if I wanted that chance?"

"You are undeserving of such. Any chance you ask for would be for your personal gain. You have wrecked enough hardship and destruction in your accumulation of the Shikon no Kakera. We will not assist in your bloodthirsty pursuit of domination. We maintain the balance, not tip the scales."

"We? There is more than one of you." He made his statement sound more like a thoughtful question.

"Yes and no." If there were one thing she could claim hatred of, it would be the impulse the Kami had set in her to answer any question presented to her. She was allowed a bit of free rein in how she answered, but if asked directly, she could not lie. Thankfully no one knew that particular rule, except Kagome, and she knew the girl would never tell another soul.

"So you are here to end my existence?"

"Your death will not come by way of my hand."

"Who then?"

"One of your many enemies, Naraku. Or perhaps many of them."

"So what are you here for?"

"You know that answer," she stated calmly, eyeing the albino youkai whom had stood silent throughout their exchange. Having no true soul to begin with, it had taken the quiet youkai years to break out of the mental prison Naraku had wrapped her in, in order to send a message to the owner of the mirror. But the fragment of soul that was left was begging for release, for the end of a miserable existence.

She crossed to the tiny youkai; a sad smile on her face as she gently took the mirror back in one hand while the other lightly touched the youkai's pale forehead. Within moments the youkai evaporated into mist, leaving behind the plain white kimono.

"What did you do?" Came the half-angry, half-frightened voice of Naraku.

"I set her free." Without another word, she returned to the void.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Once the mirror was returned to its proper wielder, after being purified, Tenmei once more took up her silent vigil at the silver pond. A brief look in one direction reassured her that the hanyou was not as angry as he'd seemed to be when she'd left. She spared another moment for the human pair that appeared to have followed the hanyou and spied more than they'd bargained for. Chuckling, she watched them quickly retrace their steps, but they too found their way into each other's arms.

Without warning she slashed angrily at the images in the water, rewarding with their distortion and disappearance. How many times had she wondered what it would be like to be loved so deeply, to love that deeply? For all the free will she had, she was still bound and tied by rules; rules that prevented her from finding out the truth about herself. Sometimes she wondered if the loss of her memories was an act of pity from the ones who had 'created' her. Had she done horrible things like Naraku and this was her penance? She was certain she had not, for this position was one of power that could be corrupted and abused despite the consequences. A power she knew a being like Naraku would be only too willing to obtain.

She dropped to her knees in a flurry of black and white silk, unsure of why she'd chosen this particular attire when Kagome had summoned her. She hadn't really thought much on it until Kagome had given her a once over, drawing her own attention to the kimono. Now, alone, she studied it carefully, noting that it was appropriate for that era. She sighed softly as she stared at her reflection in the water. She saw her face countless times whenever she gazed into the pond, yet it was a strange face to her still. It felt like she didn't even know herself, like she was living in a borrowed body. It wasn't until her reflection rippled that she noticed she was crying again.

"Why?" she whispered into the darkness.

_'You know the answer.'_ Came the soft reply, though when she looked no one was near.

She sighed softly, knowing they wouldn't show themselves. "If I did, I wouldn't ask."

_'It was done because you asked us.'_

"Maybe I was wrong. This emptiness hurts and I don't know why…"

_'You wish to remember?'_

"Why did I forget?"

_'You told us the memories were too painful.'_

"Because?"

_'Because you became the Keijigakari.'_

"I want to remember!" She cried out, searching the black void for any sign of them. "Any pain of remembrance is better than this hollow emptiness!"

_'More than just the memories were sealed, child. You would suffer for a memory?'_

An image of _his_ face flashed before her, golden eyes reflecting sorrow. "No."

_'Why?'_

"For him. I want to know why…"

_'As you wish.'_

Without warning pain exploded in her head and upper body. She grabbed her head, whimpering at first, and then screaming when it felt as though her back were being torn open. The last thing she saw when oblivion claimed her were black feathers floating on the silver pond.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

_"Honor us. Protect the ningen hime."_

_"Hai, Otou-san, Okaa-san."_

_FLASH_

_"Watch your step, Izayoi-hime."_

_"Izayoi. We're friends, remember?"_

_FLASH_

_"I have no choice."_

_"You won't be alone. You're allowed one servant."_

_"You."_

_"Nani?"_

_"Who better to take to a youkai court?"_

_FLASH_

_"I present Izayoi-hime of Mushashi, my lord."_

_"Arigato, hime. You are both welcome here. My son will show you to your rooms."_

_FLASH_

_"He is enamored, Izayoi, I think he will ask for you soon."_

_"Ask for me?"_

_"Hai. Mates. The Inu-youkai mate for life."_

_"But he already had a mate!"_

_"No. That woman was here solely to produce an heir. She loved him not and left them both."_

_FLASH_

_"Would you do me the honor of this dance?"_

_"I am no courtier, Sesshoumaru-sama."_

_"You are a hime in your own right. Your servitude to Izayoi-san was instilled to protect her and it ends with Chichu-ue's claim on her."_

_"I cannot go home."_

_"Who said we would let you go?"_

_FLASH_

_"I want no other."_

_"Prove it."_

_Golden eyes held her own as his hand traced a familiar design into the skin just above her heart. His lips half-whispered, half-growled a solitary word before crashing upon hers._

_"Mine!"_

_He pulled her tightly against him, as though he would absorb her, all the while ravaging her mouth. A hand trailed down her back, claws upon skin making her shudder and earning a growl of pleasure from him. The hand pressed against the small of her back, reinforcing that he indeed wanted her, and badly._

_Boldly, she bared her throat to him, giving him her submission in the basest form that any Inu-youkai would understand. She found herself roughly pushed back into the wall moments before his teeth found the pulse in her neck and nipped it repeatedly. He laved the reddened flesh with his tongue in silent apology and she accepted just as quietly as she slipped her arms around him._

_"Forever."_

_"Nani?" She struggled to pull her mind back from the haze of passion he'd induced._

_"Inu-youkai, koi. We mate…"_

_"For life. Hai." She interrupted with a smile. _

_"Hisako…"_

_"Forever, koishi, forever."_

_FLASH_

_"NO! Release me!"_

_"I don't think so."_

_"Why are you doing this? What have I done to you?"_

_"You? Nothing. Our vendetta is with them. Once you and the ningen are gone, their line will die."_

_"No! Sesshoumaru!"_

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"NO!"

Her screams faded as she stared into her teary-eyed kneeling reflection, her fingertips lightly touching the edges of the kanji emblazed upon her heart – _Sesshoumaru. _Her wings drooped in a physical echo of her emotional anguish.

Now she knew.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Kagome slowly extricated herself from her beloved's arms, not wanting to leave, but knowing she must. She had given in to her selfish desires and when the haze of passion finally cleared, she was left with more guilt than before. He was not hers, yet she had allowed him to love her because she wanted it, wanted him, despite knowing it was not her that he loved.

She dressed in silence, looking once more upon the peaceful countenance of her hanyou, stifling her tears as she remembered his final words before sleep had claimed him.

_"Mine… Koishi."_

Yes, she was his now in every way, but she had gained nothing in return save for a new name that she knew he would never utter in the presence of anyone else. A solitary tear trickled down her cheek and she reached up to brush it away, remembering the moment he had softly licked away the tears she'd shed during their lovemaking. The sweet, simple gesture had nearly been her undoing. She had to find Kikyou now, or else risk their wrath by backing out.

She gently placed the scrap of silver cloth she'd used to tie back her hair on his haori, knowing he'd find it. Grabbing her pack, she paused, taking one last look and softly whispered as she left,

"Gomen…. Aishiteru."

* * *

**A/N:**

A thousand apologies to my 'fans' for taking sooo long. My beta, Midoriko-sama, and I, are investing in a server specific bazooka. I swear her server is out to get us! What did we ever do to it? Hopefully the next chapter will be up in a couple days if all holds up. My thanks to everyone who's been sticking this out with me! I've already got two stories in the works to be released really really soon. I've also got some one-shots up. To those who've read "Letting Go" it was intended as a One-Shot, but in light of some happy misunderstandings, I'm going to continue it.

_Ida-Ten: Guardian of the Law _

_This is a reviewer specific response… to the MMorg reviewer "Reviewing You"… _

_Kagome's intentions are supposed to be vague, although by the time you reviewed the second time you should have picked up on it… most of my readers did. Sorry that it is 'dragging' for you. Granted this isn't my first attempt at writing, it is my first foray into the Inuyasha world and I have to go on what little I watch on Adult Swim and my beta. As for the backpack issue, that one was caught, but thanks for reminding me. It'll be addressed in the rewrite. Uncommon Japanese words… hmm yes I forgot to give a translation for Tengu but that was because I described it. The literal translation for it is "long-nosed goblin, braggart", but that's not what I was describing at first. With new info though that too will be address in rewrites._

_Here's a link for you about the Tengu:_

___http: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Tengu _

MMorg

Nerwen (LOL, misspelling is ok so long as it's understandable. Hmmm, how many ways can one technically 'live'? hehe)

Subtlesarcasm (Sugar free white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for ya! Mom's a diabetic too. hmm, maybe I should rewrite that scene so he does land on his head! LOL)

FFnet

DSK (Yum! Chewy Chocolate Chip please!) SesshiesPersonalPriestess (Yikes! You're a vicious one ain't ya?) Jessye (Aye Aye, sir/ma'am!) Strike Redkite (Hmm, methinks the fans are out to get me…) DemonGirl11 (Tears and thoughts were simultaneous) AkeryouSesshoumarusMate (I fixed it… try re-reading to figure it out Let me know if you're still confuzzled) Drake Clawfang trekker4life Dice-lord

And last, but not least, Krista who emailed me personally. Thanks!


	21. Nowhere to Run

**Chapter 21 – Nowhere to Run**

****

****

The rays of dawn brought him from his sated slumber with a smile as the memory of her tickled his mind. He blindly reached out to his side, intending to recapture her, but met only air. Amber eyes flared open in shock then worry, as he stood hurriedly and scanned the area for her, tugging on his hakama. Worry melted into anguish as he noticed that she was gone, along with every trace of her; she had left deliberately. Then he caught it as he began to pull on his haori. The scent of tears. She had cried into his haori. Cursing he tossed the haori aside, desperately trying to quell the rising panic and anger within. She had left him. He had mated her, but she left him! He had made her cry again. She… left….HIM!

The anguished howl erupted before he could think to contain it, lashing out at the nearest tree without mercy. She was supposed to stay! They had told him that she loved him! But he was just a dirty hanyou. She couldn't love him. Another tree fell victim to his raging sorrow. He had tainted another miko. Would her eyes fill with disgust now? The images of last night tortured him, her acceptance teasing against the reality of her departure.

"Kagome!" He screamed in heartbreak, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Exhausted, he dropped to his knees, head tossed back as he silently asked the sky: Why?

By the time he returned to camp he was drained mentally and emotionally. He refused to let them see his pain and buried it beneath his usual mask of indifference. By now the anguish had faded and anger took dominance. He felt used. She had gotten what she wanted and then took off. Somewhere a small voice protested that she had slept by his side all night because his haori, although vacant, had been warm. He squashed the voice. She had wanted him. He didn't have keen smell for nothing.

As he stormed back into camp, fully intending to make her life as miserable as he felt, he was brought up short by the lack of her very presence. The damn bouzo was staring at him, and then hastily looked around. _Keh, you see she's gone too, don't you? And now you'll blame me._ But when the reprimand wasn't issued he began pacing, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle into order. A hard task when you don't know what the puzzle is supposed to look like.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Miroku smiled down at the woman currently sleeping in his arms. They had retreated to camp when they had found their companions locked in an intimate embrace. Or rather Kagome had been pinned and at the hanyou's mercy. Before they had reached camp though, he had pulled Sango in for a few stolen kisses. Thankfully she was the more levelheaded of them because he had not wanted to stop at mere kisses, and would have continued if she had not called a stop. He loved her dearly and when she reiterated that she wasn't going to go further until their wedding night, he happily agreed. Sango, to him, was worth waiting for.

The rustling of the underbrush tore his gaze from his beloved as he tensed up. He wasn't sensing anything amiss until Inuyasha burst into the clearing looking fit to kill, his hoari clutched in one hand as he looked about the camp. Whatever the hanyou was searching for, he wasn't finding it and it only darkened the scowl on his face. Miroku gulped, wondering what could have caused… Kagome! Where was Kagome? No wonder Inuyasha was pissed. If things progressed further than Miroku had seen… and if Kagome was now missing…

She must have slipped away from Inuyasha willingly or else said hanyou would be yelling at them to get up. And that worried Miroku the most. He, like the rest of the group (minus Inuyasha), knew of Kagome's love for Inuyasha. It was what kept the girl coming back, despite all the troubles and arguments being here cost her. But for her to leave him of her own free will after what he thought had actually happened…. Something wasn't right.

As gently as possible, Miroku shook Sango awake, motioning for her to keep quiet as he regarded the now pacing hanyou. Agitation was clearly written on their friend's face, but when he took a longer look he noticed something else – misery. Ah, so the hanyou was not as uncaring as he pretended to be. Miroku, at least, had figured out long ago that Inuyasha might have deeper feelings for Kagome than the hanyou was willing to admit, especially with Kikyou still roaming about.

Now, Miroku was, by no means, an idiot, so when the thought of the undead miko crossed his mind, it triggered the memory of his conversation with Kagome about souls and past lives. He could put two and two together; he thought back then that Kagome's questions had something to do with Kikyou. Miroku began to feel a stirring of unease, a discomfort bordering on panic. He had thought at the time that Kagome had sought his counsel, that her questions might have had something to do with Kikyou. But what possible reason could Kagome have for her sudden interest in the one person that was preventing Inuyasha from being free?

"Did you see her?"

The nearly inaudible question drove Miroku out of his troubled thoughts with an incoherent, "Huh?"

Inuyasha sighed, slipping on his haori. "She came through here. Did you see her?"

They shook their heads. "We were sleeping."

"Keh." He sniffed again, this time locating her pack next to Hiraikotsu, along with her katana. Frowning, he stalked over to the bag and snatched the folded paper lying on the pack. He could read, but he usually kept quiet about it, preferring to use the assumption of his illiteracy to his advantage. But the note wasn't for him, it was addressed to Sango and that only served to irritate and depress him further. She had stopped long enough to write a note to Sango, but didn't bother with one for him? Was he really that worthless in her eyes?

Muttering to himself, he dropped the note in Sango's lap, waiting impatiently for the woman to read it. What he really wanted was to track down Kagome, but he held back, telling himself that she obviously didn't want him anymore and had probably never done so, or she would have stayed with him after what they shared last night. Or if she had to leave, she would have left the letter for _him_, not Sango. Or, damn it all, she should have woken him even if it was something she considered unimportant.

Sango picked up the letter, confused, and opened it slowly. The note was neither long nor detailed, but it did scare Sango into full awareness.

_What better gift for you than a sword, ne? Take care of it for me. There's a box of pocky left for Shippou and new colors. There should be enough medicine for Miroku to last until you get back to Kaede's. I'm sorry I didn't have anything for Kirara._

She jumped to her feet, startling the males as she raced for Kagome's pack. "Please don't be here, please don't be here," she chanted repeatedly, confusing the men as she dug frantically through Kagome's pack. She choked on a sob as she retrieved the one thing she prayed wouldn't be in the pack. "No."

She rose to her feet and stomped over to Inuyasha, grabbing his hand and thrusting the item into it. "Start talking, Inuyasha. She never, never leaves that behind, but she made me promise to give it to you if she couldn't say goodbye herself."

Inuyasha stared blankly at the plain silver band in his palm, confused as to what was going on. "What is it?"

"The ring her mother gave her father when they married. She told me it was all she had left of him. That and the promise that she would give it to her husband when she married."

"But she wanted you to give it to me?" He was confused now. She left him alone, but she wanted to give him a gift? An old memory poked at him. Something to do with rings and marriage.

Without warning Inuyasha found his head the recipient of Miroku's staff. "Are you truly that dense, Inuyasha?"

Without warning Miroku found himself dangling by the neck and staring into the visage of a snarling and distraught hanyou.

"Dense? DENSE! How the FUCK am I dense? She mated with me last night and took off this morning without a word or note or _anything_ that said it meant something to her, but now you tell me she left a token of her family for me? Where am _I_ dense in this?"

"Something happened and Kagome is gone because of it." Miroku choked out.

"I didn't hurt her!" He growled in automatic self-defense. The panic he had thought quenched was swiftly rising to engulf him again. The rings… the rings meant mates in Kagome's time. He dropped the bouzo in shock, although the anger was still there as he continued to growl. He remembered watching Kagome's mother finger a similar ring last year. When he had asked about it she said that she couldn't take it off because she still loved her husband even though he had died long ago. Miroku's voice cut through his thoughts.

"We didn't say you did," Miroku replied calmly, for once abstaining from making his usual lecherous remarks as he rubbed his neck. _At least not verbally._ Well, he didn't make them aloud, at least.

"But something made her decide to leave," Sango commented, regarding the ring still in Inuyasha's hand briefly before assessing for herself that Miroku was not permanently harmed. No matter how irate the hanyou got, Sango knew that Inuyasha would never really hurt any of them, but it didn't stop the instinct to reassure for herself that they were in one piece. "For good."

Inuyasha fisted his hand around the ring, although he didn't spare Sango as a target for his anger as he growled at her too. "I don't know…" he trailed off, the growl dying in his throat as he decided that he should probably tell them about Kagome's visitor. "There was this woman…"

A gasp had him near snarling, "Not like that! Kagome was looking into some mirror and the woman was guarding her. Bitch wouldn't let me near Kagome." He hurriedly spit out. The information wasn't enough, he knew, but it prevented them from really yelling at him.

Miroku frowned, "Who was she?"

"I don't know! Kagome didn't tell me anything. Neither did the woman. Just some shit about me not helping because it's not my soul and that whatever Kagome is up to might cost her something." He sighed, running a tired hand through his hair distractedly. "She smelled like Sesshoumaru."

They jerked as if they'd been slapped, both wearing equal looks of shock and disbelief.

"What would Sesshoumaru want with Kagome?"

"The woman looked confused when I mentioned him, like she didn't know who I was talking about."

"Very odd," Miroku mumbled, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he tried to put all the pieces together.

First, his conversation with Kagome about reincarnation and destiny, then Kagome's aloofness towards Inuyasha, and now the ring. Miroku discarded the information about the Taiyoukai for now. If Kagome were truly in danger from him they would find out soon enough. Kagome, according to Sango, always kept her father's ring with her, swearing Sango to deliver it should she never return… He frowned. This was not good at all. If his suspicions were correct, they needed to find, and stop, Kagome immediately. Whatever Kagome was involved in, the outcome meant she was not coming back.

"Inuyasha, we need to find Kagome."

"No, we don't. She can fucking _stay_ gone, bouzo." He emphasized his point by taking out the nearest tree. The anger was returning, but it wasn't pushing the panic aside. Part of him desperately wanted to follow her and demand an explanation, while the other part was already admitting defeat and resigned to losing her. Tears threatened again, but he'd be damned if he let anyone see them.

Miroku gave a half-hearted swipe of his staff towards Inuyasha with a sharp, "Now!"

This time Miroku found himself thrown across the camp and saved from an impending meeting with a large tree by Kirara. His chest throbbed from where the hanyou had hit him, but he could tell that Inuyasha pulled the punch or else there was the likelihood that he would be dead. He made no effort to get up though, knowing he had crossed the line when he attempted to hit Inuyasha a second time. Things went deeper than he suspected and his suspicions were confirmed when he caught sight of Inuyasha wiping his face with the sleeve of his hoari before turning away from the group.

"Houshi-sama!" Sango was by his side, worrying over him as she mumbling something about idiots provoking hanyou.

"I think Kagome intends to leave," he wheezed, watching Inuyasha. "Permanently." The hanyou tensed but showed no other signs of having heard him. Before he could clarify his assumption, their attention was drawn to the eerie shimmer of shinidama-chuu gliding through the forest. Miroku was puzzled when Inuyasha jerked as if hit and looked guilty. Which was odd since he was only guilty looking when he returned from visiting Kikyou, never before.

Sango hoisted him onto Kirara along with Shippou, calling out, "Do what you want Inuyasha, but I'm not going to let my friend leave without a good reason why!"

Miroku smirked. _Smart girl._

Whether it was the sight of Kikyou's 'eels' or the mention of Kagome leaving, Miroku didn't care since it spurred Inuyasha into chasing after them. Meanwhile he was tormented by one of Kagome's statements.

_I would do anything to make _all_ of you happy._

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The area was about as silent as a grave, which for this woman, was the ideal spot to meet with her reincarnation. She had wondered why Kagome had sounded so urgent in the early morning hours before dawn, but refused to ponder the question when she was just as willing to meet. Over the past several days she had been trying to look for a true motive behind the girl's offer. The natural assumption was that Kagome was merely the bait to lure her out, but she immediately discarded that idea. From the few times they'd met, Kikyou knew Kagome to be too kind to knowingly allow harm to befall her.

Kagome had shown her that when she had saved Kikyou twice; first in the miko eating cave and then from Naraku's miasma. And now, Kagome wanted to save her again, only this time for good. She sat quietly in the low boughs of a tree, watching her shinidama-chuu glide among them. She had sent one out to lead Kagome to her when the girl insisted on meeting with her immediately and away from her companions. Something was amiss, but Kikyou was not about to question the favorable turn of events.

Just as she was beginning to think Kagome had been bluffing, the girl ran into the large clearing, panting heavily from what must have been an exhausting run. Kikyou took a moment to ponder the girl's disheveled appearance and fluctuating aura. Allowing the girl time to catch her breath, Kikyou sent out a questing finger of power, testing the girl's increased aura. Just as she brushed against it, she found herself mentally slapped and physically cringed, withdrawing the power. Kagome's head jerked up to glare at Kikyou for a brief moment, and then the anger was quickly replaced with sorrow.

Kikyou frowned as she slipped from the tree branch to the ground. There was the sense of urgency in the girl, as if she needed to get this over with quickly. Had she somehow garnered disfavor with the Keijigakari as well? The feeling of unease increased when Kagome looked back over her shoulder as though ensuring she had not been followed.

"What has caused you such agitation?"

Kagome turned back towards Kikyou, a small frown on her lips. "Let's just do this, alright?"

When Kikyou made no further commentary or movement, Kagome took that as agreement and pulled out the old key.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The air was stirring; a silent signal that something was going to occur, something…cataclysmic. He immediately turned off the path, following the dead scent on the wind. Today… today he would have his answers.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Unable to keep up with the grueling pace the hanyou set, Miroku had resorted to riding with Sango. They had immediately returned to the clearing Kagome had been last seen in. Under other circumstances he might have made a comment about the blush on Inuyasha's cheeks when the hanyou sniffed out Kagome's scent. Within seconds they were racing out of the clearing and through the forest, heading deeper and deeper with only Inuyasha's nose to guide them. The shinidama-chuu had eluded them when they had tried to follow it, which only increased everyone's worry and resolve to locate their friend.

No words were spoken among the group, each having their own set of worries about Kagome, none of which anyone cared to voice aloud. The sun was reaching its peak when Inuyasha and Shippou declared that Kagome's scent had gotten stronger, meaning they were getting close. The air had begun to stir, bringing with it a sense of foreboding that did not sit well with Miroku. It wasn't a sense of evil so much as the sense that something tremendous was beginning. Something he knew they needed to stop.

They hit upon the large clearing just in time to hear Kagome call out for someone as she tossed a small object to Kikyou. Eerily, the wind died, leaving an ominous silence, as a void, much like the one Miroku had seen Inuyasha fall from, opened up between the two women. From the emptiness a tall woman materialized and stepped out, the void closing behind her as she looked around.

The woman was taller than any of them with a willowy frame, pointed ears and an aura of tempered power that, all combined, vaguely reminded him of Sesshoumaru. Her dark hair fell in waves to her knees, with the exception of a few braids here and there. The simple black kimono she wore was lightly decorated with entwined swirls of white and pale blue, the blue collar of the kosode peeking out. Some sort of clear ball dangled from a silver chain at her waist, but all of that wasn't nearly so shocking as the large black wings emerging from her back.

A rustling of leaves prevented anyone from asking the obvious questions as all but the strange woman turned to stare in shock at the arrival of the last person they would have expected. All heads then swiveled to the woman as she addressed the newcomer.

"Sesshoumaru."

**A/N:**

Mega props to my awesome friend, Barachan22. She's been my sounding board when my muse decides to take an extended leave of absence without a forwarding address. LOL. Thanks girl!

Apologies for taking so long to update. My beta and I are about to seriously harm her server, but luckily we've found an alternative. Also I had a really hard time working this chapter and had to do several rewrites.

If you've noticed the constant shift in Tenmei's appearance, it's supposed to be that way. For someone who can literally walk the timeline, wearing the same face/body would eventually make people speculate.

And… I'm rewriting the entire story. Some chapters are getting new info, others are just getting minor adjustments. If you'd like to be notified of new chapters and/or revisions, email me at Ladyblade (at) msn (dot) com.

I have several other stories in the works. "Come What May" is next on the list as well as a new AU I've been thinking about.

And as always I love getting reviews They're inspiring.

**Reviewers**

**MM**

Krami

InuyashasLoveLorn

**FF**

CrystalRose

Lady Nessa Fefalas (Awww, thanks. Reviews like yours make it worth posting.)

Strike Redkite

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dogdemoninuyashaandkagome (whew, that nick is a long one!)

Nicole


	22. The Jig Is Up

**Chapter 22 – The Jig Is Up

* * *

**

The tension could be cut with a knife it was so thick. No one spoke, each glued to the spot and staring randomly at each other. The appearance of the strange woman had been somewhat eclipsed by Sesshoumaru's arrival. The woman clearly knew the tai-youkai since she had called him by name, and so casually at that. Before anyone else could make a move, Kikyou's flat, emotionless voice rang out in the silence.

"What are they doing here? You said alone."

All heads snapped to attention with remarkably similar frowns. Kikyou stared coldly at Kagome, silently demanding an answer to her question. For her part, Kagome simply stared in shock at her friends, wishing they had not followed; yet knowing they would have because that's what friends do.

There was worry etched on the faces of Shippou and Sango; Miroku looked confused and guarded. But Inuyasha's countenance struck her the hardest. So many emotions crossed his features that she barely had time to recognize but a few that were the strongest; pain, betrayal, worry, anger, and sadness. She nearly wept at what she had done to him.

"What's going on Kagome-chan?"

Kagome shook her head, finally coming out of shock. "I can't tell you Sango-chan. Gomen nasai."

"That seems to be a moot point, Kagome." Tenmei's soft voice filtered into the conversation. "And I never said you had to keep it to yourself."

"What else was I supposed to do? You never said I could speak either! Why didn't you say something last night?"

Tenmei chuckled softly with a shake of her head. "I'm not your personal handbook on decision making, Kagome." She sobered and pinned the miko with a look. "Question is; why didn't you trust them enough to tell them?"

Kagome flinched at the harsh words. She should have told them several times and there had been opportunities to do so, but she kept pushing them away when they had only wanted to help. She did trust them; trusted them with her very life. The doubt lay within her own mind, twisting into an ugly mess until she was too distraught and confused to make sense of it anymore.

"Why?"

The single word was ground out of the hanyou's lips as he stared at the trio of women across the clearing.

"Inuyasha…" Kagome whispered, tears of sadness gathering in her eyes for what she had put him through. _I'll make it better soon._

"Start talking, Kagome. No more secrets."

"It would be wise to listen, miko."

So wrapped up in their own little 'world', they had momentarily forgotten Sesshoumaru's presence.

Kagome pulled her gaze away from Sesshoumaru's stoic mask, turning to face her friends head on. Inuyasha was right; no more secrets. Before she could summon up the courage to begin, Kikyou's cold voice once more cut into the silence.

"They will know soon enough. Let's finish this."

Kagome fisted her hands, irritated at the urgency rolling off of the undead miko. "And they have the right to hear it from me, Kikyou. You've waited this long, a few more minutes won't kill you." If the situation had been different, Kagome might have laughed at her choice of words.

When no response was made, Kagome nodded to her friends, motioning to the ground. "I think you're going to want to be sitting down." The group eyed the taiyoukai across the clearing with wariness. Anytime they had run into him it had not been pleasant. But he simply remained at the tree line, his gaze still on the winged woman near Kikyou. Inuyasha remained standing where he was while the others moved closer, opting to take Kagome's advice and sit down. Taking a deep breath, Kagome looked back to the other women for a moment before beginning her tale, silent praying her friends would understand.

"That's Tenmei. She's a Keijigakari; a timekeeper." She looked to Miroku. "You would probably know her best as Ida-ten." Kagome sighed and looked down, too scared to meet their gazes as she spun the rest of the story.

"Four months after I left, Tenmei approached me with some information about Kikyou and a request to help her. Instead of agreeing to help her, I made a bargain to help Kikyou." The resounding gasps made her close her eyes against the sudden tears that threatened to spill. "You see, Urasue had the means to resurrect a likeness of Kikyou, but it was up to Tenmei to allow the real Kikyou to inhabit the body. Kikyou made her own bargain with Tenmei. The piece of my soul that animates her body is the piece that mostly remembers her final moments before death. So I made preparations to return once I finished school."

Kagome thought back to all that she had done in those final weeks before returning. She removed herself from the dojo, telling them she was moving away. Her bank accounts had been closed and any money in them transferred to Souta's account. The majority of her clothing had been given to a homeless shelter and friends. At graduation she had bid all her friends farewell, telling them she was going to college in America. She had done everything she could think of to prepare, except one: telling Mama. Just like with Inuyasha, she was too scared to tell her mother the truth.

"What kind of preparations Kagome-sama?"

Kagome blinked away the memories. "I just made sure I wasn't going to be needed there for awhile." She took a deep breath. This next part was not going to be easy, nor would it go over well with them.

"I had everything set and knew exactly what I was going to do… until I came back. Until I saw Inuyasha. I thought that our argument would give me the strength to carry on with my decisions, but I'd forgotten something. I forgot that I learned to sense auras and what I felt from him… it hurt. I would have given anything to take away that pain, that anguish, but I had a deal to keep and letting Inuyasha get too close was not part of it. And yet it only got worse. I began to doubt my decision to help Kikyou. I wanted to make Inuyasha happy, but I wanted to be happy too. So I called on Tenmei last night so I could know the outcome of my choice."

She blushed at the memory of what she had done after Tenmei left. She could still feel his skin against hers, his breath on her neck as he softly growled and whimpered in her ear. She dared a glance at the hanyou wondering if he was remembering as well. His arms were crossed over his chest and he looked somewhere between confused and cross. Possibly both.

"Why didn't you tell us, Kagome-chan?"

Tearing her gaze away, Kagome regarded the woman she had come to view as a sister. "Because I knew you would try to stop me and when you couldn't you would blame him."

"Time enough has been wasted. Let us finish this now."

Kagome frowned, turning to face the undead miko with a resigned sigh. "Hai." Her friends gasped as she stepped towards the other women, but none of them made it very far before a single voice stopped them dead in their tracks.

"Miko."

Kagome halted, eyeing the youkai with guarded curiosity. "Sesshoumaru," she acknowledged.

"You will recall that yours is the higher claim."

"I told you…"

"Intentional or not, our laws demand that he honor it above all others." Sesshoumaru cut her off. He remained where he was, expression neutral, as always, but there was a gleam in his eyes that no one was sure about.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Sesshoumaru frowned slightly. "Surely your nose is not broken, hanyou."

"That? She said it was something about remembering."

"I wanted something to remember him by. I know nothing of your laws or customs, so I didn't know it meant something other than what I intended it to."

"What is this claim, girl?" Kikyou's voice cut into the conversation with barely concealed disdain.

"Nothing." She turned to Tenmei. "Must this be done here?"

Tenmei shook her head. "It does not need to be."

"But it will be."

Shocked eyes met the cold amber gaze of the tai-youkai as he finally approached the group, his eyes on Tenmei alone. "Here. Now. Then this Sesshoumaru will speak with you."

"This does not concern you, youkai." Kikyou frowned. This was not going well at all. She was so close to getting what she wanted, but they all kept Kagome preoccupied. She needed to get the girl away from the others and quickly.

"What's the deal?" Inuyasha's gruff question was directed at Kagome. His confusion was gone, replaced by his trademark scowl as he watched her closely. So far Kagome had been telling them the truth and while he wasn't happy about most of it, he was still pissed that she was leaving out the important piece of the puzzle. The terms of the deal she had made with Tenmei.

When Kagome failed to find her voice, Kikyou took the opportunity to fill him in, thinking it to be a way back into his good graces.

"The deal? Well, once she and I conclude our bargain, you, Inuyasha, and I can finish fulfilling our destiny. With the completed Shikon no Tama, you'll wish to become human and be with me as you promised."

Inuyasha blinked, wide-eyed with shock as Miroku and Sango gasped. Did Kikyou really think he would put Kagome aside so easily? "But the reason I agreed to become human was that you told me my wish to become youkai was 'evil' and would not put Midoriko's soul to rest. That's why I agreed to wish to be human."

"I have said many things and I realize I was not always correct. But you did make me a promise, Inuyasha, and when she is gone you will keep it."

"What do you mean 'when she is gone'?" Inuyasha was panicking. Something about this wasn't right.

"Exactly that. You and I will gather the remaining shards, I will purify it and then we will fulfill the destiny Fate preordained."

Throughout the entire exchange, Kagome was silent, as was Tenmei. Inuyasha could nearly taste the building tension in everyone and he took a moment to really think about what Kikyou was implying. Promises… Kagome gone… a bargain… Tenmei… Keijigakari… He blinked. Timekeeper! That was the bargain! The two women could not co-exist since they shared the same soul. Damnit! That meant one of them had to… NO! He frowned at Kikyou, finally seeing through her mask.

"Our destiny ended when you pinned me to Goshinboku. I've changed since then, and if you can do this without any thought to the rest of us…" he took a deep breath, knowing this was not going to sit well with Kikyou. "Then you aren't the same either. The Kikyou I knew would not have wanted the kind of existence you now possess. She wouldn't have helped Naraku."

"You don't know what you're saying. This is what you want, isn't it? Or was I just imagining all those times you came to me, searched for me when you found out Naraku had not succeeded?"

"Stop it!"

All eyes focused on the screaming miko as she pinned the two lovers with her gaze. With fists clenched at her sides and tears trailing down her cheeks, she whispered, "Just stop."

"Kagome?"

"You have wanted each other for so long and now all you can do is fling insults?" She sniffled. "Why can't you both just accept this and be thankful?"

"Because it's not what I want! I told you that last night!"

"You've made promises to her, Inuyasha! Promises you won't break because your honor won't allow it."

"What about your promises, Kagome? What about your promise to stay with me, to finish the search with us?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "What about promising to live?"

Kagome blanched. "I'm keeping those promises."

"How? How are you going to keep them if you go through with this?"

"It's the same soul, Inuyasha, just in a different body. You'll finally have Kikyou and… and I'll watch from the other side."

"Kagome-sama!"

"Kagome-chan!"

"NO!" Inuyasha growled. He took a few steps forward, then stopped, not daring to go any further for fear of what he might do if he got his hands on either Kagome or Kikyou.

"Don't you love me, Inuyasha?" Kikyou smirked confidently.

He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. He needed to focus and say the right things this time or risk losing Kagome for good.

"Perhaps, like Kagome says, once upon a time, I did love you, but as a friend. I wanted so desperately to fit in that I had decided to become human, believing that once you accepted me as such I wouldn't be lonely anymore. I loved the _idea_ that I wouldn't have to run anymore. I loved the idea of being _accepted_ without fear. But I _hated_ what I would have to do to get it. I never promised to be with you, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't going to stay, because back then I would have. Now I know we wouldn't have been happy, mostly me. You wanted out from the burden of guarding the Shikon no Tama and saw me as a means to fulfill your own selfish wish. We were tainted long before Naraku pitted us against each other."

"You promised me!" Kikyou screeched, finally losing her cool.

"True, but now I have something more important than a promise."

"What's more important?"

"A mate."

Kikyou looked wide-eyed to her reincarnation, then back to Inuyasha. "You didn't… but we…"

"I think enough time has been wasted. Decide, Kagome."

Sesshoumaru blurred across the clearing as soon as Tenmei finished speaking, leaving the rest of them to stare in horrified fascination as he slammed the woman back into a tree hard enough to make the tree splintered and groan from the force, his hand firmly wrapped around her neck as he snarled at her.

"You would shatter another mating?"

"I never shattered the first one," she whispered as she hung limply from his hand in complete submission.

"Why do you look like _her_, smell like _her_?"

Slowly, Tenmei raised her hand to grasp the collar of her kimono and pulled it down to bare the top of her left breast to him. Whatever he saw had him releasing her as if his hand were on fire and his face paled as he took a step back. She slid down the tree, releasing her kimono and quietly regarded him for a moment. The rest of the onlookers were silent, each wanting to know what was going on, but afraid to ask.

"I don't have all my memories back, so perhaps you could explain the mark."

"Chichi-ue said that the soul resides within the heart; it guides us, moves us. Perhaps that is why the 'mark' of my name rests there, to show that our bond was greater, that we are Soul Mates." He shook his head as if trying to clear it of something, his voice a mere whisper of wonder. "Even in death you are mine."

Tenmei sighed softly as she rose to her feet. This was not the time to confront each other. She had a task to complete. Pushing away from the tree, she moved to pass Sesshoumaru only to find her wrist trapped in his hand.

"This Sesshoumaru is not finished with you."

"I exist now as I did in life. That is why I look and smell the same. My duty as the Keijigakari will not allow you to keep me." Her eyes softened, pleading. "Let me go, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Finish what you came to do, then we will talk." His grip lightened, but he did not release her.

She frowned up at him before looking to the others. This had gone on long enough and perhaps she could set things right now that there was a new player in the game.

"Inuyasha."

He growled at her.

"Name your mate."

"Ka-Kagome." He stuttered, shocked that she was asking him such a thing when the situation had nothing to do with it. Kikyou fumed beside Kagome, who looked at the hanyou with shock and love in her eyes.

"But Kagome has offered to take Kikyou's place, to give Kikyou her body. You would have Kagome's body, but it would be Kikyou's mind. You could have both."

"Are you out of your fucking mind? I mated Kagome, not Kikyou! Are you trying to kill me?"

"How would it kill you?"

He snarled and ripped down his haori, baring his chest. "Soul Mates don't outlive each other." Shimmering in blue kanji above his heart was Kagome's name.

"Your mother did."

"Because of me. I was her reason to keep living until she was killed. I don't have a reason to go on if Kagome dies."

"But she's not dying. The soul is the same. Kikyou will simply be the piece of it in control. You are still mated."

"_Kagome's_ piece is who I mated. She's the one who accepts me as I am, who cares for me even when I hurt her."

"Kagome?" Tenmei turned questioning eyes on the miko.

"I'd be a fool to deny that I love him. I want him to be happy, Tenmei. That is my decision." Kagome looked down, waiting for the inevitable.

She never expected the scream from Kikyou moments before the missing piece of her soul returned. She fell to her knees, clutching her heart as she gasped for air. She had only seconds to ponder the meaning of it all before she found herself wrapped in the familiar warmth of a red haori just as oblivion claimed her.

* * *

**A/N:**

Yay! Another chapter for you all! Merry Xmas in advance if I don't spit 23 out before then. The next chapter is going to be long and difficult to write so please bear with me. If you'd like notification for when I update just email me. Ladyblade (at) MSN (dot) com. Grrr, stupid formatting.

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**_My LJ - livejournal(dot)com(slash)users(slash)ladykiseki _**

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_**My AIM - LadyKiseki**_

_**LadyBlade was already taken (sigh) Should I just change my FF and MM pennames to LadyKiseki?**_


	23. Full Circle

**Chapter 23 – Full Circle

* * *

**

The swirls of gray fog were not what she was expecting upon waking up. It was a land devoid of anything but fog and the ground she stood on, which was also gray. She called out for anyone, someone. She'd even take hearing Naraku at this point because it felt as though she'd go mad in the silence. And all at once the silence cut by the click of shoes. She could make out a faint outline of someone, but the damnable fog was preventing a good look. She prayed the person was friendly. There was a faint murmuring around her now, like listening to voices at a far distance and through water.

"Kagome."

Suddenly the shadowy figure stepped clear of the fog, proving to be Tenmei… or what she thought was Tenmei. The woman looked the same, except her eyes were replaced with a field of stars and Kagome shivered at what she was possibly talking to.

"Tenmei. What's going on?"

"There are some things to clarify and rectify. The first of which is to finally lay your doubts to rest. They never meant for things get so out of hand, but they had to be sure you were the right choice. And so they set you a task. To finish what you had unknowingly begun."

"I don't understand. Who's 'they'? What did I do?"

She smiled. "It was ironic that, rather than making the choice yourself as they wanted you to do, you left it in the hands of another. You were born with the Shikon no Tama for a purpose. To correct what Kikyou had unleashed."

"Naraku."

"Correct. The priestess knew of the bandit's lust for her and did nothing to sway it. Her blindness paved the way for Naraku's creation and Inuyasha's heartbreak. He'll never admit it, Kagome, but she broke Inuyasha the day she pinned him to Goshinboku. And you have done very well to piece him back together in a better person than he was before."

"He's better?" She asked in disbelief, recalling all the times they got into arguments or something she said or did easily upset him.

"Yes. Inuyasha cares for you in a way he never did for her. All he saw when he looked at Kikyou was the miko and the Shikon. He sees the miko and the Shikon in you as well, but your kindness and care let him see past that. You gave him hope when he thought he had none. Why else do you think he gets so upset when you're away from him too long?"

"Because… I'm his hope?" She asked, although the question wasn't one requiring an answer. "So when I'm gone, he feels like hope is gone too."

"You're a smart girl, Kagome. Smarter than the Kami gave you credit for."

"What did I do?" She asked for a second time.

"You proved that you didn't have to be the one to solve your own problems."

"Huh?"

"I lied a little when I told you about Kikyou's resurrection. Technically I don't give permission to allow people to be resurrected. The skill came from Urasue."

"So Urasue actually did bring Kikyou back?"

"No… You did."

"Me?"

"Even back in the beginning, deep down you wanted only Inuyasha's happiness. And after hearing about the tragic end fifty years ago, you thought things would be better if Kikyou could come back. So even though Kikyou begged me to release her, your heart begged for reconciliation between them. And thus, Kikyou was resurrected by the power of your will."

"Then why is she different?"

"Because no soul can co-exist with itself. In order to do so, only a part of her was returned, the part that remembered only her final moments and perhaps a few fragmented memories; the part that begged to return. Because she lacked the emotions outside of what she felt during her death, she is incapable of forgiveness and compassion. You experienced this yourself when she tried to kill you and again when she attempted to take Inuyasha to hell."

"Why didn't she kill me?"

"She couldn't because it would be killing herself. You hold the majority of the soul and you both would cease to exist if she had killed you. In order for her to live, she must find a living body. Yours is the ideal choice because the soul is the same. However she became consumed with her obsession to personally vanquish Naraku."

"Isn't it her right?"

"She's doing it out of revenge."

"Oh… well then… if it's my fault she's alive…"

"That's not living, Kagome. That's existing on substance of other souls and hatred."

"Why did she need the souls? We've always thought it was because she didn't have a whole one."

Tenmei frowned. "If that were true, then you would need souls as well. Some souls are large enough to exist as half and yours did for a time. But then you saw what Kikyou's resurrection was doing to Inuyasha and you began to doubt her return was a good thing. With each doubt, you pulled a bit more of your soul back. Again, you did it out of concern for Inuyasha and a wish for him to be happy."

"So I did hurt him."

Tenmei sighed. "In a way, but it was never a deliberate act on your part. All you ever desired was everyone's happiness. You put that desire above your own and endured heartache every time things didn't go the way you hoped. No one is perfect, Kagome."

Kagome nodded. "So what happens to Kikyou now? I didn't really make a decision, did I?"

Tenmei laughed. "No, you left the decision in the hands of another."

"Who?"

"Inuyasha."

"Oh… so is this what death is like? All the fog?"

Tenmei looked shocked. "Death? Why ever do you think this is a realm of death?"

"Because even after everything, Inuyasha loves Kikyou still. He would choose her."

"Now I know the phrase 'love is blind' is true. He came as close as he could to professing his love and yet you still believe he wants Kikyou in some way?" She shook her head. "Would you believe that he worries most over which time you will be trapped in? That he fears he may not live long enough to find you in your time?"

"Huh?"

Tenmei waved her hand outwards and the darkness was replaced with the old exterminator's village but rebuilt. Miroku was keeping watch over several children with an older Shippou while Sango was talking with several men. Three of the children bore a striking resemblence to the couple. Suddenly two more children came barreling into the group and Kagome was suddenly afraid because the newcomers were hanyou children. Inu-hanyou. But her fear was short-lived as the hanyou were eagerly welcomed into the group and a game of 'tag' was begun with Shippou being the 'safe spot'.

Laughter tore her gaze from the children and she watched wide-eyed as Inuyasha appeared carrying an infant hanyou in one arm and his arm slung around herself. The pair joined up with Miroku as Sango disengaged from the men. Kagome could hear no words, but she could tell they were all happy.

"This is what he wishes for. Life with you, helping rebuild Sango's village and teaching the world that hanyou and youkai can be good and evil, just like humans. He may never say the words often, but he loves you deeply or else he would not have made you his mate. Your souls recognize each other, Kagome. And while Kikyou is a part of you, she was not the type of person he really wanted. His very soul balked at the idea of having to change; to make himself unhappy in order to appease another."

In the moments between her soul being made whole and the vision, she remembered her life as Kikyou and no matter how much the priestess had cared for Inuyasha, deep down the woman refused to accept him as anything but human and only because it would end her loneliness and her duty as the Shikon's guardian. Kagome mourned for her past self and all that was lost, but if it had never passed she would never have met Inuyasha or had her adventures. She would never trade those for anything, but she had been willing to give up her own dreams to make Inuyasha happy.

"You give him acceptance and options whereas Kikyou only gave him freedom at a price. You love him for who he is and that love has encouraged him to love others. Miroku, Sango, Shippou… they're his family now. A family you gave him. Without you, he's lost."

"Inuyasha… loves… me?"

"Hai, silly girl. Now come on, time to wake up. Wake up, Kagome! Kagome! Kagome!" Over and over her name resounded in the nothingness as she felt as though she were falling. Her eyes became too heavy to keep open and she let oblivion take her with the cadence of her name following.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Kagome!" Inuyasha clutched the limp form of his love, snarling at anyone who dared to venture close. Across the clearing, Sesshoumaru held an equally unconscious Tenmei in a rather uncharacteristically tender fashion. But his brother was the furthest thing from his mind. The minute Kagome answered Tenmei's question, Kikyou had screeched something awful and dissolved into ash. The missing pieces of Kagome's soul returned and Kagome instantly fainted. He had barely reached her in time to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Onegai…" He was so close to tears, just like the time he thought he'd lose her to poison. She was still breathing, and so long as it remained that way, he wouldn't lose hope that she would wake up.

"Wake up, Kagome! Kagome!"

Kagome murmured roughly, her eyebrows drawing downwards in discomfort. "Loud…" she managed to mutter, trying to figure out why her limbs felt so heavy.

Inuyasha blinked rapidly in surprise, then nearly crushed her against him in relief. She was alive!

"Baka, scaring us like that." He mumbled into her hair.

He allowed the others to come close enough to verify that she was truly awake, but tightened his grip any time they tried to touch her or she tried to move. Kagome threatened him with the command, but he knew with the way he held her, she wasn't going to go through with it. He had come too frightening close to losing her…again. But no more. He wouldn't leave her side for anything, except death, and even then he would probably try to bargain his way back to her. Naraku was still a menace, and while he'd been hoping to wait until the madman's defeat to properly mate Kagome, he couldn't say he was unhappy about it.

"Damn it Kagome," he half growled into her hair. "Don't ever hide shit like that again."

"Gomen, Inuyasha, I was just…just…"

"Just trying to do it by yourself. Yeah, I know. But you're always telling me friends are supposed to help each other." He pulled away to look her in the eye. "So let your friends help. We thought you were going to leave us."

Kagome flushed and looked away. "I tried to, but I can't."

"Why?" He sounded hurt.

"Because you're my family…"

"No… why did you try to leave?" He interrupted.

"Oh…well… be-because I couldn't stay and-and… and watch you run to her…"

With a low groan he pulled her back into his arms. "I'm a fucking baka, Kagome, but don't you know? I _always_ come back. And…and Kikyou's not a problem anymore. She's at rest."

Kagome suddenly tugged at his hoari, revealing the shimmering kanji of her name over his heart. "I thought I was seeing things."

Inuyasha had the grace to blush as he pulled his hoari back into place. "Keh."

"But what is it? What's it mean?"

"Can't you read your own name?"

"Inuyasha…" she warned.

He chuckled nervously. "Ok, ok. It means you're my mate. And umm… it's for…a long while… if you have my kanji.."

"What the baka is trying to say," Sesshoumaru spoke up, causing all eyes to focus on him and the rather odd display he made sitting at the base of a tree with Tenmei firmly wrapped in his solitary arm and the white boa. "Is you're heart-mates. The kanji appears over the heart when a mating is done out of love." The youkai's tone and expression said that the very thought was repugnant, but when he looked down to the woman in his arm, the look became something else that no one dared to put a name to. He almost looked content.

For a time, everyone simply sat in silence, none in a hurry to leave, but rather savoring the moments of peace knowing something like it might not ever occur again…especially around Sesshoumaru. The youkai didn't move or speak until the void that brought Tenmei reopened of its own accord and a sexless voice commanded, "Return."

His grip around Tenmei suddenly tightened when she tried to stand and any protests she attempted were silenced by his glare. The others watched, helpless, and in the dark about what was going on.

Again the voice commanded. "Return!" And again Sesshoumaru held her back.

"I can't stay! They won't release me."

Silence.

"Sesshoumaru… I didn't give up my healing powers to your father's fang just for a wedding present."

He snarled. "You knew it would happen?"

"No," she shook her head, still trying to dislodge herself from his grip. "It was a safety precaution because I knew you feared…"

"Enough." He interrupted. "Will it still work?"

"Yes."

He released her and stood when she did. Tenmei pressed a soft kiss to his chin, wrapping her wings around them briefly. She looked to Kagome and Inuyasha.

"Keep her safe, Inuyasha, she has a destiny to fulfill. We'll meet again Kagome." Then without another word she left, closing the void behind her and leaving several confused people behind. Sesshoumaru, as usual, didn't bother to enlighten any of them as he too left.

"Uh, Kagome-sama, what just happened?"

"I don't know, Miroku."

"Keh, who cares? It's just my bastard of a brother and his mate."

"MATE?" Everyone shrieked, causing Inuyasha to flatten his ears and growl.

"She smells like him, remember? Plus she was marked. They've got their own crap to deal with and we've still got Naraku."

"True. Think they'll be okay?"

"Keh. I'm sure we'll run into the bastard again."

* * *

**A/N:**

_A thousand apologies for such a long delay. This chapter was harder to write than I thought. I'm still not 100 satisfied with it so it'll be revised for the final release. I would like honest critique on this story. Real critiques, not flames that tell me I suck. Tell me where the story needs improvement. Now all that's left is the epilogue. And yes, Tenmei will be 'unveiled' and all the questions about her and Sess answered._

_And I've just been informed that_ **Fated Existence **_has been nominated in the IYFG for Best Drama. I want to thank Fenikkusuken for nominating me in the first place. She's got an awesome fic of her own and I recommend everyone to read it._

_Belated Happy New Years to everyone who wished it to me._

**Reviews **

_**MMorg**_

_Madosie : Ookami Suriya : Kagome no Baka : InuGrrrl (Sooo sorry I haven't left you reviews! Your stuff is still awesome. I want more SMC lol)_

_**FFnet**_

_JediK1 : Fenikkusuken : Wong-san (blush) : CrystalRose : KissKitty : inuyasha's lil sister : trekker4life : koinu-no-ai : srg1 (Thanks!) : Drake Clawfang :_


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